


Tabula Rasa

by Janina



Category: Jane Foster/Loki - Fandom, Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-02-17 18:55:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 63,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2319896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janina/pseuds/Janina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: All Human. Loki has been in an accident and now has amnesia. As he pieces his life together he finds out that he wasn't exactly a good guy. Can he be now? And if so, how does Jane Foster, his brother's fiancee fit into all of that?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by an audreyii-fic drabble. I have included it at the top in italics to get the idea of where this story has picked up from. I have changed a few things within my story to suit my purposes. Thank you very much audreyii-fic for allowing me the opportunity to expand on your original idea! :)

_Loki touches the frame on the mantle. "My brother?" he says uncertainly._

_"Yes. Thor. He's on a business trip, but he'll be here soon." The hospital tried him first and got no answer, so it's Jane who had to collect Loki, bruised and bandaged, from the ER._

_The next picture. "My parents?"_

_"Yes. Frigga died last year."_

_He nods without emotion, which eradicates the last of Jane's doubts. "Is my father dead, too?"_

_"Um, no."_

_"Is he coming?"_

_"No."_

_"I see." He clearly doesn't._

_God, this is bizarre. The last time Loki stood in this room he and Thor came to blows. There's still indentations in the plaster._

_"And you're my sister."_

_"Sister-in-law. Soon, anyway — wedding's next month."_

_"But we're friends."_

_**Whenever you show up you make everyone miserable. You hurt Thor and you call me names. I hate you.** "Not really," Jane hedges. "You, uh… don't like me very much."_

_Loki just blinks at her, green eyes completely guileless. Then, after a long moment— "No. I **know** that's not true."_

_She doesn't know how to respond, so Jane glances at the clock. Twelve more hours until Thor's flight lands. "Come on," she says. "Let's look for something you'll remember."_

XXXXXXXX

Jane drove him to his apartment across the city of Boston. Loki spent the time in the car watching the scenery going by and hoping that something would jog his memory along the route.

Nothing did.

He looked over at Jane as she drove and thought again how beautiful she was. When he'd seen her at the hospital he had thought he'd died and she was an angel come to take him away. He was told he'd gotten into a car accident. He didn't remember it, but his body ached all over and he had bruises and scratches on his arms and chest. Apparently he'd been in a coma for a week.

"You said I don't like you?" he asked.

She glanced at him and then nodded and looked back at the road. "You hate me."

That felt wrong. Very wrong. He didn't know how or why since he remembered nothing at all, but hating this woman who had wheeled him out of the hospital, then taken him to his brother's home, and was now taking him to his own, did not make sense. There was something in him that felt drawn to her… _tugged_ in her direction. He felt as though she held all the answers to every question he had.

"And I'm assuming that means I haven't been very nice to you."

She snorted. "The last time I saw you, you told me I was a mousey waif that didn't even study a real science and shouldn't bother because I would never do anything of importance."

Loki sucked in a breath. "Jesus."

"You and Thor got into a fistfight…"

"Jane, I'm sorry. I have no recollection of this obviously, but I'm sorry." Her brows furrowed and she gripped the steering wheel so tight Loki could see the whites of her knuckles. "What is it?" he asked with a frown.

"I suppose I had some lingering doubts about the amnesia….but you just _apologized_. You never apologize for anything." She made a face. "Unless this is just some elaborate scheme, but not even you can think that quickly on your feet and they called me as soon as you awoke…"

"Bloody hell. What kind of person was I that you'd think I was _faking_ amnesia?"

She pursed her lips together and Loki braced himself. From the look on her face alone, he could tell that he was decidedly not good. At all.

"Well, you and your brother went into the family business together. Your father handed it over to both of you to take over when your Mother got sick. You almost managed to get Thor thrown out of the company and you would have too, had your father not intervened. Then you left the company and went to another one and tried to sabotage your father and brother that way. When Thor went on a business trip and I joined him, you were supposed to call and let us know if your mother took a turn for the worse while your father was taking care of her in hospice, but you never did. We made it back just in time to say good-bye to her. Then there was the newspaper article you—"

"Stop, please," Loki choked out. He rubbed his forehead. "So my mother? She died of…?"

"Cancer."

"Christ. And no doubt my father despises me which is why he's not coming."

"Yes."

"With all I've done why did I bother to wake up?"

That seemed to startle Jane. She glanced at him and then looked back at the road, brows furrowed. "Loki, I'm not what you'd call a fan of yours but death is…I wouldn't have wished that on you. I don't think even your brother and father would either."

"Right, but my father doesn't even want to see me after I've been in a coma so I would say that I've been deplorable enough to make my own father loathe me enough to not want to see me."

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one that did all those things. I was awful enough to make you doubt my having amnesia."

"I'm still sorry."

" _Why_?"

"I shouldn't have told you all that so quickly. It could set you back or something due to stress and—"

"Jane, I'd rather know what I'm dealing with than wonder why no one gives a fuck about me after I nearly died."

"Thor was worried about you," Jane said softly.

"After all I've done to him? And said to you?"

"Someone you love almost dying has a way of making people see things differently."

"Is there anyone in my life? A girlfriend I've cheated on multiple times or beat up? Do I kick puppies, too?"

"No girlfriend I know of, but then it's not like you to share things like that." She bit her lip and Loki could see her mouth twitch with amusement. "As for puppies? I think you probably did kick them. And drown kittens, too." A laugh escaped and she tried to hold it back until Loki started to laugh though.

He instantly regretted it. "My ribs," he moaned.

"Yeah, you need to not laugh."

"You need to not make me."

She smiled wistfully and then furrowed her brow again.

Loki sat back and shut his eyes. He felt a wee bit dizzy. His stomach growled loudly.

"So, we'll go through a drive-thru and get some food," Jane said as she turned down a street. "And I don't want to hear any complaints."

"You won't. I'm starving." He looked over at her. "I'm assuming I never ate fast food?"

"No freakin' way."

"Well then. You can be a love and order every single thing I would never have eaten before."

Jane pulled into the drive-thru of a McDonald's and got in line behind a red car. She looked over at him and studied him, her head resting back against the headrest.

"You look unsure about me," he murmured.

"I suppose I am still. There is no way old Loki would be able to keep this ruse up for so long, especially not in the drive-thru of a McDonald's. Not without some comment about how my thighs are going to be full of cellulite by the time I'm forty and Thor would have to trade me in for a new model."

Loki felt as though she'd slapped him. "I actually _said_ that to you?"

"More than once."

He shook his head in bewilderment. "I cannot fathom why. You're breathtakingly gorgeous! Your eyes, the curve of your mouth—"

"Okay, stop. Now you're really freaking me out."

"Sorry. But it's true, Jane."

"Forget it. So, what do you want?"

Loki looked past her to the menu, but didn't see anything. All he could think was how in the bloody hell he could have been so cruel to Jane. And not just her, but his brother and his father, too. What had made him so awful to the people he was supposed to love?

He almost feared getting his memories back. With those, would he turn into the person Jane had just told him about? Or would he remain as he was now: a blank slate? Had the universe intervened and decided that he needed to put an end to his evil ways and given him a second chance by wiping him clean?

His head pounded, thinking of what was ahead of him as this clean slate he now was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone! :)

Chapter Two 

Loki’s apartment was black and chrome and glass. There was hardly anything on the walls and what was there looked as though it had been picked out by an interior decorator. There were no family photos save for one on a side table that he recognized from Thor’s mantle: his mother, Frigga. 

There was a white rug on the floor, an empty wine glass on the coffee table. The living area gave way to a dining area and then a spacious modern kitchen. There were stairs that led to what Jane informed him was his bedroom, a full bath, and a study. 

This place was sleek and posh and devoid of any kind of feeling and personal touch. He looked towards Jane who was rifling through his mail. She brought it out to him and handed it over. “Look at these. Maybe a name will jar something.”

He flipped through the stack. Nothing. He dropped the mail down on the coffee table and shook his head. 

She pointed up. “Maybe your bedroom?”

He nodded mutely and started for the stairs. Halfway up he looked over at her. “Are you coming?”

She arched a brow. “Uh, no. That’s your…” she waved her hand around, “Domain.”

“Jane, please.” 

The desperation in his voice must have got her because she didn’t hesitate to follow him up the stairs. 

His bedroom was black and green. Dark green. His bed wasn’t made and he could see black sheets, a green blanket and then a black comforter. Sporadically about the room were splashes of green – a fake tree in the corner, a knock-off Jackson Pollock painting with the predominant color being green—

“Oh, uh, hey.” Jane was by the bed where his nightstand was and she was pointing at the floor. 

Loki made his way over to her and looked down at what she was pointing at. A scrap of silk. A negligee. 

“So, either you’re J. Edgar Hoovering it or you’ve got a girlfriend.”

He shrugged. “Or one-night stand. Not surprisingly after all you told me in the car, no one came to visit me but you.”

Jane kicked at his foot with hers. “Pick it up.”

He looked down at her. “Pick it up? Why?”

“You can’t just keep it on the floor. That’s weird. Pick it up and sniff it.”

“Now you want me to bloody sniff it?”

“Women who wear that crap always marinate in cloying perfume. What if the scent reminds you of whoever wore it?”

“Jane, I’m not going to sniff some negligee that’s been left on my floor!”

“Why not?” She looked around. “Floor looks clean. Just do it. Come on, you know you want to.”

“I most certainly do not.”

She pointed at him. “Now that sounds like the Loki I know.” She bent down and picked it up and then flung it at him. 

Loki grabbed it and glared at her. She pointed again. “That also looks like the Loki I know.”

“Well, I still am Loki, just sans memories.”

“Nothing?” she asked and pointed at the negligee. 

He shook his head. “Nothing. This place is…it’s…”

“Cold? Devoid of feeling? Lacking all warmth and hominess? Yeah. But that’s…” She broke off. 

Loki watched her. “But that’s me. That’s what you were going to say.”

She sighed and looked up at him. “Yes.” 

“What made me such a terrible person?”

Jane looked away and down. “I think that’s something you should talk to your brother about.”

“I’m asking you.”

“And I’m telling you to – hey, what’s that?” she pointed to something shiny poking out from under his bed and dropped to her knees to see what it was. She reached under the bed and pulled it out. 

Handcuffs. She pulled out shiny metal handcuffs. She looked at them wide-eyed and then up at him. “Oh my God.” Then she dropped them and got to her feet. “Sorry. I’m uh, gonna use your bathroom.” She scurried away down the hall. 

Loki stood there, his cheeks blazing red. So, apparently he’d been into kinky bed play. He was intrigued to find out what other things he had for sexual props, but not in front of Jane. He felt as though he’d just corrupted her in some way. 

She came back, patting her hands on her jeans and nodded to him. “That’s what I get for being so curious and nosy. Thor always tells me it’s going to get me into trouble one day.”

A phone went off then and Loki was certain it wasn’t his. His was dead. Although, he probably wouldn’t even know if it was his since he didn’t remember what his ring tone was. 

Jane dug into her pocket and extracted her iPhone. “It’s Thor.” She pressed the phone to her ear. “Hey, you just land?...Yeah, he’s awake. I picked him up and we’re in his apartment right now... No, he really doesn’t remember anything…Thor, I think it’s real.”

Loki shook his head. Unbelievable. Was everyone he came across going to think he was faking losing his memories? How pathetically sad was it that he had done such truly terrible things that faking amnesia was something everyone would automatically accuse him of? Why did he feel as though Jane had just scratched the surface of how diabolical he was?

“I’ll find out first if he wants to come over…Well, because he’s learned some not so great things about himself and he seems kind of…fragile.”

Loki winced. Fragile. Yeah, he supposed he was, but did anyone want to be described thus? Did she know that standing in the corner of his bedroom didn’t mean he couldn’t hear her? 

“I’ll see you in a bit... Love you, too….Bye.”

Jane turned to face him as she slipped her phone back in her pocket. “Thor wants to know if you want to come over for dinner. He wants to see you.”

Loki frowned. “Why would he want to see me?”

“Because you’re his brother, Loki.”

“But I’ve been obviously done terrible things to him and said awful things to you. Why would he want to see me after all that?”

Jane came closer to him and looked up at him in earnest. “As I said in the car when someone you love almost dies it changes things. How much things stay changed from here on out depends on you.”

“You mean on whether or not I remember what a despicable person I was and set back on that course?”

“Well…yes. You could decide to stay this…”

“Fragile?” he supplied. 

“I was going to say nice. You’re nice right now. It’s sort of freaking me out, but I could definitely get used to it. Or, you could remember and decide that you want to continue acting out your drama by being a dick.”

Loki cocked his head to the side. “What drama was I acting out?”

“As I also said before, I think you need to speak to your brother.”

Loki nodded slowly. “All right then, I’ll go with you to see my brother.”

Jane smiled. “Good.”

xxxxxxxx

When they arrived back at Jane and Thor’s apartment, Loki grabbed Jane’s hand before she opened the door. She looked up at him, startled. “What is it? A memory?”

He shook his head. “No, I just…I—thank you. For picking me up. For trying to help.”

Her expression softened and she squeezed his hand. “You’re welcome.”

“I’m feeling rather…nervous.”

She frowned. “About seeing Thor?” He nodded. “Don’t be, Loki. It will be fine, I promise.”

“You will stay close by?”

“Close enough.”

“Thank you.”

The door opened and there stood a tall, blond handsome man with blue eyes and dark brows. He looked at Loki, and then he looked down to Jane and Loki’s hands that were still clasped together. Jane lifted their entwined hands. “Loki’s nervous about seeing you,” she explained. 

Loki pulled his hand from Jane’s as Thor arched a brow. “I never thought I’d see the day when you two would be getting along.” He looked at Loki. “Just how hard did you hit that head of yours?”

“Pretty hard for me to not remember any of it. Or anything at all,” Loki said. 

Thor stepped to the side, all broad shouldered and so very muscular and wide. He gestured for them to enter and as they passed by, Jane stopped and kissed her fiancé. Loki ignored the hushed murmurs they shared and the smacking of lips. He wondered idly how long Thor had been gone for. 

Loki stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room and his eyes went back to the mantle of pictures. Then around the room. Compared to his apartment, this apartment was warm and welcoming. It was decorated with earth tones and the carpet under his feet was cream and plush. There was a framed picture of Thor and Jane on the wall all dressed up. Thor was standing behind her with his arms around her and grinning at the camera. Jane was laughing. Loki smiled at the joy he saw in her eyes. 

_How could I have hated her?_ he thought. _Why does that feel wrong?_ He looked at his brother again and his muscles tensed. Interesting. Was it possible that even though he couldn’t consciously remember, his subconscious could and his body sent him the reactive signals of those memories?

He’d have to ask Jane what she thought. Or his brother. No. He’d ask Jane. 

“Loki, do you want something to drink? Water? Wine?” Jane asked as she came into the room. She narrowed her eyes. “Wine might not be good. You just got out of the hospital. Water?”

“Please,” he said with a nod. 

She smiled and walked out leaving him with Thor. Thor, who was watching him closely, eyeing him up and down. 

“It’s good to see you, brother,” Thor said finally. 

“Is it? Jane told me about some of the things I’ve done. I sound like a monster.”

Thor sighed and nodded slowly. “I’ve always held out some hope that you would…be better. That you would be the brother I grew up with again.”

“So, my being a complete sod was new?”

“In a manner of speaking, yes.”

“Why? What happened to make me do those things?”

Thor looked as though he was struggling to find the words to answer that when Jane came back with two glasses of water. She handed one to Thor with a smile and then to Loki. 

“Thank you, Jane,” he said cordially. 

“You’re welcome, Loki,” she said and then looked between them. “So, I’ll leave you two alone.”

Loki didn’t want her to go. He was certain that because she was the one he’d been with since leaving the hospital he had formed an immediate attachment to her, but just the same. Her presence comforted and soothed him and he needed that, especially since Thor was gearing up to tell him what felt like was going to be a bunch of hard truths. 

“Thank you, Jane,” Thor said gently. 

Jane nodded and left them, looking back over her shoulder at Loki with concern. He attempted an encouraging smile for her that he didn’t feel at all. 

Thor gestured to the overstuffed beige sofa. “Take a seat, Loki. Please.”

Loki shuffled over the sofa and sat, placing his drink on a coaster that sat on the mahogany coffee table before him. 

Thor didn’t move, however, which just made Loki feel tenser. 

“I’m not sure how to start,” Thor finally said. 

Loki felt a spark of annoyance. What was he waiting for? Jane certainly hadn’t bothered to sugar coat his misdeeds and quite frankly even though he’d been stunned to hear his sins laid out so quickly and efficiently, he preferred that to this. “Just say it,” he said. 

“You were adopted.”

It was a good thing Thor had asked him to sit. Loki felt as though he’d just been sucker punched. That part Jane had not told him. Now he knew why she kept wanting him to talk to his brother…who wasn’t really his brother. 

“Are you all right?” Thor asked. 

“I’m not sure, but keep going anyway, please,” Loki said. What was the saying? In for a pinch in for a pound? Funny how he could remember something so insignificant as that, but remembering that he was adopted and an utter ass was a challenge for him. 

Loki sat back and waited for more.


	3. Chapter 3

The story spilled out of Thor with ease after the initial bomb had been dropped. Loki listened to the story with a mix of dread, disgust, and sadness. He even felt…anger. Anger at Thor, anger at his father, Odin…there had to be something to this subconscious memory theory. 

Apparently, Loki had been adopted when Thor was just eighteen months and Frigga had miscarried. Loki had been brought up as part of their family and they had never told him, nor had they planned to. He was an Odinson; he was their son and that was that. 

“There is no other way to describe how our relationship changed when we became teenagers than to say that you grew…competitive,” Thor explained. He was sitting now in a chair diagonally across from Loki. He was leaning forward, elbows on his thighs, his expression grim. “Sports, grades, student body president – anything you could compete with me in, you did. We began to argue more. That spilled into college. We both went to Harvard. Both went into the Business School. We were being primed to take over our father’s company.”

“And exactly what is our father’s company?”

“Mergers and acquisitions. Or as Jane calls it, murder and executions.”

Loki laughed a little, though he didn’t know her well – or rather, didn’t remember her – her sense of humor seemed to have a bit of a quirky bent.

Thor smiled, finally. “You still competed with me in college. We both graduated at the top of our class though, though, admittedly, you were ahead of me in rank.”

That felt like a victory for Loki who was getting the sense that Thor was painting himself as some kind of martyr who had to put up with Loki’s competitive and bratty ways, but loved him nonetheless through it all. If that was the case then Loki was beginning to see why he might have been a horse’s ass. However, he was still horrified by the things Jane had told him. 

“Our father did not help much,” Thor said, and it sounded as though it pained him to admit that. “I was his firstborn son and as such he saw me as the heir apparent to the business even if he wanted us both to be ready for it. You saw it and felt it. I ignored it. And then when our mother was diagnosed with cancer, Odin handed it all to us, but put me in charge. He was still a presence, still in the wings, but he wanted to dedicate himself to taking care of our mother.”

“Is this when I tried to get you booted out of the company?” Loki asked. 

Thor looked startled. “You remember?”

”No, Jane told me about it.”

Thor looked disappointed. “Yes. That’s when you tried to force me from the company by attempting to rally any disgruntled employees to your side and to get our investors against me as well. It backfired when Odin caught wind of it and intervened. In a moment of anger, Odin told you how you were adopted. After that, you were at each other’s throats, but because Frigga loved you so much, he backed off for her sake. You did not.”

Jane came back in the room then and Loki looked up at her as the beacon of light she was to him. Especially in that moment. “I came to see how things were going.” She looked at Loki worriedly. “I think you guys need to take a break. Loki’s gone pale.”

Thor looked at Loki as if for the first time. “You’re right. We’ll stop.”

Loki was relieved. It just kept getting worse and worse. His head was starting to hurt again. Thor got up and stood before Loki. He held out his hand. Loki took it and Thor practically dragged him to his feet and then engulfed him in a hug. He smelled like cologne. 

“I’m so glad that you are alive, brother,” Thor murmured and then slapped his back. He pulled away and smiled. “Will you come for dinner tomorrow night? Do you need anything now?”

Loki was rendered speechless and he looked down at Jane for help. She caught on quickly and looked at Thor. “Honey, why don’t you go take your shower? I’m sure you’re dying to get plane smell off of you. I’ll see Loki out.”

Thor looked a little put off by Jane’s request, but he didn’t argue. He hugged Loki once more and was off. 

Jane placed a hand on Loki’s arm and looked up at him. “Are you okay?”

“No, I’m not,” he muttered. 

“How much did he tell you?”

“Up until I found out I was adopted. You know what really irked me about that rendition of my life? How positively one-sided it all sounded. I’m just Loki the villain all pissed off at the blasted world because my brother is a fucking angel and my father favored him over me.”

Jane took a step back. “Well.”

“Well what?” he snapped, and instantly regretted it. “I’m sorry, Jane. I don’t mean to snap at you. I’m sorry.” To his horror he felt tears sting his eyes. “I’m just…on overload.”

He sank down to the sofa and ducked his head, trying to regain some control. Jane sat down beside him. “For a minute there you sounded just like old Loki.”

“I’m sorry,” he said again. 

“You’ve had a lot thrown at you today. None of it very good. Well, unless you count the negligee. I mean, that’s promising, right?”

He laughed softly and looked at her. “When I saw you today, my body sore and aching. Feeling out of it and in a daze…I thought you were an angel come to take me away. You might not be taking me away now, but I am certain that you are, in fact, an angel.” 

“No, I’m not that. I have not always been very nice to you. Mostly I’ve tried to avoid you.”

“That was then,” he murmured. “This is now. I am obviously not the same man that I was when I got into that accident. Despite the deplorable things I’ve done you picked me up, fed me, tried to help me remember my life…that, to me, makes you an angel.”

“It’s strange to see you like this. Quite unnerving. You have always been larger than life to me. Someone I was always just a little bit afraid of. Now I can actually talk to you. I know that sounds odd that I prefer you now, but…”

“I can’t say as I blame you, but I still feel that there had to be more to me than some one dimensional villain. What did I hope to gain from doing all of that? And how is it that Thor managed to sound like some kind of fucking victim? He’s huge!”

Jane laughed and then looked at him sympathetically. “There was more to you than a one dimensional villain. I personally always felt that underneath all that anger and hate you had been hurt deeply. Odin is no wonderful father and definitely no saint.”

“I take it he hasn’t been kind to you?”

“Not exactly, but this isn’t about me. How about you take things one day at a time, hmm? You’ve been through a lot today already. It’s kind of like you’re a newborn taking it all in for the first time. You need to rest.”

“Back to the cold, devoid of all feeling apartment I go.” He stood and then frowned. “Uh, Jane?”

“Yes?”

”Could you write down the address for me?”

Jane also called a cab company to come and get him. She walked him to the door and then hugged him. She looked uncertain of herself and of him, but hugged him nonetheless. Loki shut his eyes and held her close. She felt like home. She felt safe. His hands played with the tips of her hair as though he’d done it a million times before and she pulled back and looked at him after a minute. “Come tomorrow for dinner, okay? I wrote our address down on the back of the paper.”

He nodded. “Thank you, Jane.”

“Good night, Loki.”


	4. Chapter 4

When Jane entered her and Thor’s bedroom she found him sitting on the bed, freshly showered. His hair was damp; he wore sweatpants and nothing else. 

He looked up at her as she came over and sat down next to him. He reached out and they entwined their hands. “Hey,” she said softly. “How are you?”

He looked at her and smiled. “I missed you.”

She smiled. “I missed you, too.”

“How’s Loki?” Thor shook his head. “Did I really just ask you that?”

“I know, right?”

“At least this Loki likes you.”

“Well to be fair, I don’t think old Loki liked anyone at all. Not even himself despite his bravado.”

“Does my brother really have amnesia? How is that possible?” Thor looked at her. “He’s not faking?”

“No, dear. He’s not faking. I had my doubts, too. But he kept eradicating every single one of them. I took him through the drive-thru at McDonald’s, Thor. And he said nothing.”

Thor laughed. “Was it a test?”

She smirked. “Maybe.”

He grinned, looking proud. Then his smile fell and he looked as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders again. “When the hospital called us and told us that he was in that accident and that he might not make it…” Thor paused and raked a hand through his hair, collecting himself. “I kept thinking of when he and I were kids racing our bikes around the block as soon as our mother let us free after breakfast. We went everywhere on those bikes. Loki was excellent with popping wheelies and performing tricks on his.” He chuckled. “Those were my best memories of Loki. Of he and I having fun together. Being best friends. Fighting the bullies in the neighborhood together.”

Jane squeezed his hand, letting him get out what he needed to at his own pace. Thor hadn’t talked much about it before he’d left for his trip. He had been more quiet than usual and his jaw had been set firmly, a sure sign that he was trying to control the tempest inside him. 

“I thought I had lost my brother forever. I kept trying to find signs that he was still in there underneath all that anger, but I couldn’t get at the real him. It was as though I was beating my head against the wall again and again when it came to him. I didn’t want him to die and for us to never reconcile. For us to never get back to that good place again.”

“I know,” Jane whispered. 

“And then when you told me that he had amnesia…I just kept staring at that text wondering how in the hell that was possible. I mean, that shit happens in soap operas, not in real life. So automatically I thought he was playing a game and then I just felt guilty for thinking it after he’d nearly died.”

“Thor, your brother is the boy who cried wolf. He’s done so many horrible things to you, to us, that it’s hard to believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Anyone who knew Loki would have thought the same thing.”

Thor nodded. “I know, I know.”

“As I told Loki before we left, we’ll just take this one day at a time. Maybe one day he’ll remember…maybe he’ll choose a better path than the one he was on.”

Thor looked grim. “Or maybe he’ll continue down that path of destruction he was on.”

“One day at a time,” Jane murmured and rested her head on his shoulder. “Okay?”

Thor brought her face up to his and kissed her softly. “I love you, Jane Foster.”

She smiled. “And I love you, Thor Odinson.”

Thor then proceeded to show her just how much he loved her. 

xxxxxxxxxxx

The following afternoon while Jane was in her lab at MIT, she found her mind kept straying to how Loki was doing. Had his memories come back? The doctor had said it could happen suddenly and even not at all. 

She wondered how his night had been and was surprised to find she was actually a little worried about him. Had it been a good idea to send him home alone after all he’d been through and learned? Perhaps it would have been better to have him stay in the spare room of her and Thor’s apartment. 

Jane broke for lunch early and made her way outside to call Loki. Sitting in the quad on campus, she found she was actually nervous about calling him. What if he got his memories back and was old Loki again? 

“Hello, Jane,” he greeted her. 

“Hey, you charged your phone.”

“I did. I changed my ringtone, too. I didn’t care to hear opera every time my phone went off. What a wanker thing to do.”

He was still new Loki.

Jane hoped this Loki never found out that she and Thor both had a special ringtone just for him: the Darth Vadar theme song. 

“How do you feel?” she asked. 

“Still a bit overwhelmed I suppose. I’ve spent the day going through my things here. Nothing has jarred any memories. I seem to be a bit of a minimalist.”

“Oddly that doesn’t surprise me. I always felt that one day you would have to leave town without telling anyone and there would be no trace left of you.”

He laughed softly. “Because I did something illegal, Jane?”

“Exactly.”

“I do enjoy your sense of humor.”

“How did you sleep?”

“It was a restless sleep. No dreams. Listen, I have a bottle of wine in my fridge. May I bring that to dinner or would you prefer a dessert?”

“Wine is just fine, Loki.”

“Excellent. How are you? _Where_ are you?”

“I am on my lunch break at work. At MIT.”

“MIT! Impressive.”

Jane decided to not tell him that he hadn’t always thought that. “Thank you. How do you feel about everything you learned yesterday?”

He sighed. “I’m not sure. I’m working on a theory I’d like to run by you if I could.”

“By all means.”

“Do you think it’s possible to feel memories?”

“ _Feel_ memories? Like you have an emotional reaction to something?”

“Yes, for example as Thor was telling me about myself last night I felt angry. Angry with him and angry with Odin. I don’t have any recollection of them at all in my head, but I _felt_ angry.”

“Do you think instead it’s possible that you felt angry because you didn’t like what you were hearing?”

“Well, no, I didn’t. At all.”

She laughed. “No, I mean maybe you were angry with yourself for the things you’d done and not with them.”

“I’m not pleased with my actions to be sure, but I don’t think that’s it. It was the same thing when you told me I hated you. That felt wrong.”

“If you really liked me underneath all the venom you spewed at me, then you deserve an Academy Award.”

“Funny.”

“I’m not sure, Loki. I know next to nothing about amnesia, but perhaps we could try to test this theory of yours. We could look at some family pictures and see what happens.”

“Yes, I think I’d like to try that. Thank you, Jane.”

“You’re welcome. Listen, I’ll see you later, okay? At six?”

“See you then.”

Loki ended the all and placed his phone down on his kitchen counter. He picked up the picture he’d found tucked under his boxers in his nightstand. 

It was a picture of Jane smiling broadly, her eyes bright with joy. 

He might not remember anything about his past, but he didn’t need memories to figure out that there was indeed something to his feelings theory. Old Loki hadn’t hated Jane. Finding her picture tucked in his nightstand like that told him as much for who kept pictures of people they hated lying around – and in their underwear drawer next to their bed? Old Loki had had feelings for Jane, feelings that he might have hated, but not the woman herself. 

And then there was the gun he’d found in the same drawer. Loki lifted the gun and inspected it. Now just what sorts of things had he been into that he’d felt the need for a gun?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone! :)

On his way over to Thor and Jane’s, Loki found he kept looking around him, wanting to be aware of his surroundings at all times. It was probably the discovery of the gun that had done it. One needed a gun for protection, and while there were parts of Boston that were a tad on the dangerous side, his apartment was definitely not in those areas. Did Old Loki fear for his life? If so, why?

He wanted to talk to Jane about this. Maybe she knew. Maybe Thor knew…? He made a face at the idea of talking to Thor about it. He didn’t know why, but there it was. 

Jane was the one that greeted him at the door, dressed in dark jeans, a white camisole and a black cardigan. She peered up at him as though searching for something. She looked almost on guard. 

“I still don’t remember anything,” he told her. She visibly relaxed. “But even if I did, I doubt that I will resort to treating you as I did. Not after you’ve been so kind to me.”

“You underestimate how much you loathe my very being,” she said and stood aside to let him in. “Besides, I haven’t done much.” 

Loki smiled and tapped the tip of her nose. “You underestimate how much you’ve done.” 

She looked startled by his touching her, however innocent it was, and he thrust the bottle of wine at her. “I hope this suffices?”

Jane looked at the bottle and then up at him. “Seeing as how I know nothing about wine, I’m sure it’s just fine. Thor is in the living room watching ESPN. Do you want to join him?” She frowned. “Do you remember what ESPN is?”

“I remember that at least.” 

“Well, I’m just going to check on the lasagna and pour us some wine.”

“I’ll help.”

She stared at him. “You don’t have to do that. You must have more questions—”

“I do, actually. Such as why would I be in the possession of a gun?”

Her eyes went wide and she clutched the bottle of wine to her chest as though it was a shield. “What?” she hissed.

“I found a gun in my nightstand,” Loki said, his voice low. “Why would I have a gun, Jane?”

“I always thought you were into some shady stuff that you couldn’t and/or wouldn’t share. But, you’ve also pissed off a lot of people, Loki. I know I’ve wanted to murder you a few times.”

“Very funny,” he said dryly.

“I’m not joking,” she dead-panned and then backed it up with a sweet smile that made Loki realize that while Jane seemed sweet and innocent, she most certainly was not. 

“Jane.”

“Plenty of people have guns, Loki. Maybe it’s not as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be. I think you’ve probably done terrible things across the board to others, not just to the family. You always struck me as the type of guy who probably had to look over his shoulder.”

“Speaking of…that is exactly what I found myself doing on the way here.”

Jane sighed and placed a hand on his arm. “Loki, calm down. The having a gun thing probably freaked you out a little and that’s what caused you to do that.”

“Or,” he said, “I don’t consciously remember things, but subconsciously I do and react accordingly.”

“Hey, you’ve arrived,” Thor said as he came upon Jane and Loki in the hall. “What’s going on?”

“Loki found a gun in his apartment and it freaked him out,” Jane said. Loki shot her a glare. She held up the bottle of wine. “I’m going to pour us some wine. Thor, Loki’s being dramatic. Talk him down off the ledge, would you?”

She sailed off into the kitchen, leaving Thor and Loki in the hallway alone. Thor leaned against the wall and crossed his ankles. He was barefoot and dressed in jeans and a gray sweater. 

Loki looked down at himself and wondered if he was too dressed up, but then he didn’t have much in his closet that was casual. So, there he was in dress pants, a black silk shirt (he owned a lot of black and green) and expensive leather shoes. 

“You found a gun in your apartment?” Thor asked, folding his arms across his chest. 

“In my nightstand.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“Tell him how he pissed off a lot of people!” Jane called from the kitchen. 

“That doesn’t make me feel any better!” Loki called back to her. 

“Your paranoia and homicidal thoughts about others might have caused you to get a gun,” Jane said as she came back into the hall and handed Loki a glass of wine and then Thor. 

“I had homicidal thoughts about others?” Loki asked. 

“You always did have that half-crazed look about you,” she told him and turned to head back into the kitchen. Loki followed her this time. “I did?” he asked. 

“Well, yeah. You had that ‘one fry short of a Happy Meal’ look about you,” she said as she poured her glass of wine. 

“McDonald’s again, Jane? Really?”

She shrugged. “I may or may not want some fries.”

“How does one look one fry short of a Happy Meal exactly?”

She bit her lip and then picked up her wine and sipped it. She then placed it down and hunched her shoulders forward and narrowed her eyes into slits and pursed her lips together. 

Loki started to laugh. “So, I looked backed up and quite pissed off about it?”

Jane burst into laughter. “I’m sorry; I’m not fluent in psycho. I don’t know how to describe it. You just always looked…wild. Nuts.”

He sighed. “That doesn’t quite fill me with joy.”

“Nor should it,” Thor chimed in solemnly. 

Loki looked over his shoulder at Thor and then stepped to the side. He had been occupied with Jane and had almost forgotten that Thor was there. Loki cleared his throat. “Quite.” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I am just paranoid after finding a gun and perhaps it was just paranoia in the past. I could have just been projecting.”

“Exactly. Like when a cheater becomes uber-suspicious of their significant other because they have a guilty conscience and are just projecting their misdeeds onto their partner,” Jane explained. “So, maybe you got a gun because you desired bloodshed and feared others desired to shed _your_ blood.” 

“Well, how’s that for a cautionary tale then, hmm?” Loki quipped. “Mind your manners lest you become paranoid and think others want to kill you in your sleep.”

He and Jane shared a laugh when Thor interjected. “What exactly is going on here?” he asked, sounding irritated. 

Jane and Loki looked at him. “What is it, honey?” she asked. Loki felt himself flinch at the endearment. 

Thor said nothing, just looked between the two of them and shook his head. “Nothing, forget it,” he muttered. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

The buzzer for the oven went off then and Jane, after a long look at Thor, went to the oven to turn it off. Loki looked awkwardly at his “brother”. “All right?”

“I’m just not used to this,” Thor said. 

“This being…?”

“You being nice. Playful, even. You cut Jane and I down at every opportunity. I’m used to her going mute to avoid talking to you and for things to be so strained between you and I we inevitably come to blows.”

“I’m sorry,” Loki murmured. “I obviously do not remember any of that…”

Thor nodded and then flashed him a smile, quickly getting over whatever it was bothering him. “Come, let’s take a seat and get out of Jane’s way.”

Loki nodded, though he didn’t want to get out of Jane’s way. Well, he did, but he wanted to stay near her. “Should we help?” he suggested. “She did cook.”

Jane snorted. “I didn’t cook. Stouffer’s did. All I did was take it out of the package and stick in the oven. Go sit.”

Loki did as he was told, but made sure to carry her wine with him along with his so that she wouldn’t have to go back for it. 

xxxxxxx

Jane walked Loki to the door again, leaving Thor to a business call that had taken up his time from practically the minute dessert was over. 

“Will you sleep okay tonight?” Jane asked him. 

“Oh, you mean because of the gun? Yes, I shall persevere.”

She smiled at him as she leaned against the open door and looked at Loki standing so regal in the hallway. “I’m glad you could come over tonight. I know it hurt Thor that you and he were so much at odds with each other and this…I think it’s good for you both. Maybe if you do get your memories back you will remember this and know that he is not your enemy after all.”

His expression was unreadable, but then he nodded, smiled and held out his hand. Curious, she held out her hand and he took it, bowed over it, and kissed the back of it. “Good night, Lady Jane, and thank you for a most delicious dinner.”

She laughed, ignoring how the feel of his lips pressed against the back of her hand sent a tingle shooting through her. She pulled her hand away and waved dismissively at him. “Goodnight, Loki.”

She shut the door and when she turned she was startled to find Thor in the hall watching her. “Some things have not changed all that much,” he said. 

She tilted her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“There was always something to the way Loki would look at you…even when he was spewing his vitriol, I thought perhaps there was something more under the surface of all that anger and hate.”

Jane was dumbfounded. “What?”

“I think Loki’s got a bit of a crush on you.”

Jane’s eyes widened. “What?” 

“Now that he doesn’t remember why he hates you, it appears he can express his feelings in other ways. Kinder ways.”

“Okay, real talk? How much wine have you had?”

“There was something there tonight…” Thor murmured. 

Jane went up to him and slipped her arms around his neck. She kissed him softly. “You’re crazy. Whatever it is you think you saw I am sure it's just that I was the one that picked him up and tried to help him jog some memories. I was the one that was there to get him and I’m sure it’s just some odd bond he feels because of that.”

Thor nodded. “Perhaps you’re right.”

Jane grinned and kissed him softly. “I’m always right, when are you going to realize that?” She pulled away. “I’m going to shower. See you upstairs?”

Thor nodded and watched her go. He didn’t want to argue with her, but he hadn’t imagined what he’d seen. There had been something there, something between Jane and Loki. Loki had watched her all night, his eyes tracking Jane’s every movement. It was just like before minus the insults. 

Only this time Jane was watching Loki back.


	6. Chapter 6

“Jane, you’ve got a visitor.”

Jane looked up from the data she was looking at and blinked at Dr. Banner. “What?”

He pointed over his shoulder. “You have a visitor. He’s in the hall.”

“Thor?”

“Nope. Longish black hair, tall—”

“Loki. Loki’s here,” she said and looked back at her data blankly. What was Loki doing there? 

“He looks like he’s here to either whisk you off to some exotic foreign country or sell you really expensive insurance. Or a coffin.”

“A coffin, Bruce? Really?”

“Have you ever seen those funeral home guys? They are always dressed to the nines.” Jane just stared at him. Bruce arched a brow. “Are you going to see him or not?”

Jane put her clipboard down and nodded. “I’m going, I’m going…because Loki is here to see me,” she muttered as she made her way to the door. “Loki. Here. To see me.”

She went out in the hall and found Loki pacing, his head down and his hands clasped at his back. “Loki?”

He looked up at her. “Jane.”

“Yes, that’s right, I’m Jane. What’s up?” She went over to him cautiously. “Did you have a memory? You look a little…strung out.”

“I made some new discoveries today that unnerved me a bit,” he said and looked down each side of the hall. “Can we speak alone somewhere?”

Jane bit her lip and nodded. “Uh, yeah. Um, how did you find me?”

“Well, when you failed to answer your phone I just came down here and asked around until some rather annoying woman led me straight to you.”

“Annoying, huh?”

“She shares the same name as Austen’s Mr. Darcy.”

“Ah, Darcy…yeah. Darcy. She’s really actually very nice. A friend I guess you could say of mine, but that’s not important right now. Follow me.” Jane started walking down the hall in search of an empty classroom and she could hear the click of Loki’s expensive shoes against the bright white tiled floor. 

“Jane, might I say that you seem a bit ‘strung out’ as well. Is something troubling you? Is it all right that I’ve come to visit you?” he asked. 

She turned to look at him and he knocked into her, causing her to lose her balance. He grabbed her before she toppled over and she looked up at him and laughed a little. He smiled down at her and she felt a fluttering in her belly that unnerved her. She pushed out of his grip and licked her lips. “It just threw me to see you here is all,” she explained. _And Thor’s comment about you possibly having a crush on me has been rattling around in my brain,_ she thought. _Even though I think he’s imagining things and it doesn’t make any sense because you have enough on your plate right now and having a ‘crush’ on someone would be the very last thing—_

“Earth to Jane.” Loki’s hand waving in front of her face pulled her out of her rambling thoughts. 

She blinked up at him. “Sorry.”

He frowned. “Have I gotten you into any trouble by coming here?”

“No, no, not at all. It’s just…weird.”

“Weird good or weird bad?”

“Neither good nor bad. Just weird.”

“Would you like me to go…?”

“No! I – why would you come to me? I mean, there’s Thor…”

Loki looked hurt by that and Jane felt instantly bad. “I suppose because I trust you in a way I don’t trust him…? If you’d rather me not come to you when I have questions then I won’t. I just feel comfortable with you in a way that I don’t feel with Thor. I’m sorry if I’ve caused you undue stress and will take myself off so—”

When he started to back away, Jane lunged at him and grabbed his arm. “Don’t go.” She scrunched up her face, thinking of how to explain herself better. “I’m just not used to you being around as much and it was just a little…jarring? when Bruce told me that you were here to see me. I suppose this is just as weird for us – me – as it is for you with you having amnesia. It’s not a bad thing – I mean, the fact that you have amnesia totally sucks but I kind of like the fact that it’s like we all have a second chance at being a family. I like that you’re around and that you’re nice now, it will just take some getting used to. And I won’t lie, some part of me fears that one day I’ll see you and you’ll be telling me how worthless Thor and I are again.”

“No,” Loki said forcefully and gripped her hand – the hand that had grabbed his arm and was now in his hand. “You are…” Now he looked as though he was struggling to find the right words. “So important to me. I can’t explain the kinship I feel for you, but I do. I have from the start. That will never go away, Jane.”

“I hope not,” she murmured and found herself looking down at their clasped hands. “I feel like we’re…friends. I wanted that before when Thor told me he had a brother. I never had a brother or much of a family at all.”

“We are friends, Jane,” Loki said softly yet adamantly. He squeezed her hand. 

Thor’s words came back to her: _“I think Loki’s got a bit of a crush on you.”_

Jane pulled her hand from his and smiled brightly up at him. “So, we were looking for a classroom.”

He nodded and fell in step behind her yet again as she led him down to the very end of the hall and into the empty, dark classroom there. She turned the light on and shut the door behind them. She sat down on top of the desk at the front of the room and looked up at him. “So? What did you discover?”

“I was looking in my closet at home, trying to see if I had anything hidden—”

“That sounds about right.”

“And I found an envelope with a key inside and a slip of paper with a four digit code which automatically made me think—”

“Safe deposit box at a bank.”

“Yes.” He stopped to look at her questioningly but then continued. “So I looked through my mail to find out where I bank.”

“And realized that you’d probably keep your safe deposit box at a separate place altogether?”

He frowned. “Well, I didn’t know that. Not right away.” He pointed at her. “How did you know that?”

“I’ve watched a lot of mobster movies.”

He shook his head. “Anyway, I finally found the bank, in Cambridge, and discovered that I have two million dollars and some jewels in there!”

Jane slipped off the desk. “You have two million dollars in a safe deposit box at a bank?”

“Yes.”

“And jewels.”

“Yes.”

She pushed at his chest. “Get out! What kind of jewels were they?”

“That’s what you’re more interested—”

“Loki, your father told us that some of your mother’s jewels were missing when he was putting together her things after her death. Thor and I thought perhaps he put them away somewhere and didn’t remember, or that she had given them away and didn’t tell him to whom they went. As time went on though we started to wonder if perhaps…”

“I had taken them,” he muttered. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. 

“It just keeps getting worse and worse,” he said and raked a hand through his hair. A black lock fell over his forehead and before she could think about what she was doing, Jane was tucking it back. She froze and yanked her hand away. “Sorry. I don’t know what that was. A mild form of OCD, perhaps?”

“Jane, it’s fine,” he said deeply. “Will you come to the bank with me? Let me know if those are the jewels?”

“Thor would probably know better than me.”

“Then I will take them out and bring them over.”

She nodded. 

“Right then. I will bring them by tomorrow evening perhaps?”

She nodded and then watched him head to the door. “Loki,” she said quickly, before he walked out. 

He stopped and turned to face her. “Yes?”

She scrunched up her face again. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?” he asked in confusion. 

“I don’t know. For…”

“For all the things I did wrong?” He came back over to her and grabbed her hand. He kissed the back of it. “You’re sweet. There is nothing for you to apologize for since it was all me.”

Impulsively, Jane threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. “This isn’t exactly a ‘Welcome back to the world, Loki,’ is it?”

“This feels like it,” he murmured and squeezed her into him. 

Jane pushed away and looked at him with wide-eyes. “Two million dollars?!”

“Oh, we’re circling back to that now, are we?”

She frowned. “It’s probably nothing. Just putting money aside for a rainy day?”

“My paranoia again?”

She shrugged. “You and Thor inherited quite a sum from your mother. Perhaps you just put most of it away.”

“But in a safe deposit box where it can’t accrue interest?”

“Yeah, that’s not like you. Sooner or later everything will add up.”

Loki sighed. “I’m just a little concerned about what it will all add up to.”

Jane looked at him sympathetically. “Oh, Loki…I can’t say I blame you.”

He shot her a look. “Thanks.”

She smiled. “See you tomorrow?”

He nodded and tapped the tip of her nose with a smile. “Tomorrow, Jane.”

Jane watched him go and laid a hand over her belly. That goddamn fluttering was happening again. She decided it was the tuna she had for lunch.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hello?"

"Loki, it's Jane."

Loki smiled instantly and sank back into his sofa. "I know. I saw your name show up on my phone. How are you, darling?" He winced as soon as the endearment passed through his lips. 

"I'm fine." She didn't sound fine though. "I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to come out here tonight with the jewels to show Thor because he's gone."

Loki sat up straighter on the couch. "Gone?" 

"He had to leave for a few days. On business." Jane sounded a little irritated. "I just found out a couple hours ago." 

"You don't sound happy."

Silence. Then, "No, I'm fine. Just a long day and...I'm fine."

"Liar," Loki accused softly. "Does Thor go away often?"

"He travels a lot, at least once a month, but not usually so quickly after he's just been gone. And we're supposed to have some people over on Saturday...I'm complaining, I'm sorry."

"Jane, it's fine. You're not complaining at all, but I can definitely hear the tension in your voice."

"Sor—"

"Don't you dare apologize."

Silence. He just knew she was thinking about apologizing in her head. Probably saying it in her head. 

"You know what I think?" he asked. 

"What?"

"I think that you should come over here and allow me to make dinner for you."

"You don't cook."

He laughed. "Neither do you. I am thinking take-out."

"Oh, well...that would work." She sounded unsure. 

“What is it?”

“Nothing, I’m just being silly. Um, what are we going to have?”

“What do you want?”

“Right now I want Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Coke. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.”

Loki laughed. “Then how about we decide tomorrow?”

“What should I bring?”

“A bottle of wine?”

“Grrreat. That was a bit Tony the Tiger, sorry. All righty roo, Loki, I will see you tomorrow at, like 6?”

“Sounds good. Then you can tell me about this party you’re having that I haven’t been invited to.”

“Hey, Loki?”

He smiled. “Yes, Jane?”

“I’m having this party this weekend…”

He laughed again. “Good night, Jane.”

“Good night, Loki.”

xxxxxxxx

“I didn’t know what to wear,” Jane said as soon as Loki opened the door the following evening. She looked down at herself with a frown. “So this happened.”

Loki looked her up and down. She wore black capri leggings, sandals with a bit of a heel and a purple v-neck t-shirt. She had a cardigan wrapped around her waist. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she had light makeup on. “You look perfect,” he told her. “You didn’t have to go to any trouble on my account, Jane. We’re just eating here.”

“Well, I feel like I’m sort of in between dressy and a slob. You’re always dressed up, which, sidebar: do you even own jeans? And I’m usually some form of…a mess.” She passed him the bottle of wine she was holding as she walked past him into his apartment and Loki smiled as he closed the door behind her. 

“You don’t have to dress up for me,” he told her. “And just so you know I do have jeans. Two pairs in black.”

“I would expect no less from the Prince of Darkness,” she quipped as she sat down on his sofa. “Do you mind if I take off my sandals? These things are killing my feet.”

“Then why did you wear them?”

“Because flip-flops didn’t really go with the look I was going for.”

“Take them off for God’s sake. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I didn’t invite you over so you could be miserable all night.”

Jane slipped off her sandals and sighed happily. She sat back and was all but swallowed by the couch. “This this is deceptively comfortable. I mean, it looks like it will be all stiff and unyielding, but it’s not.”

“I discovered that myself,” Loki said as he sat down beside her. He smiled down at her, looking so small and innocent against his black couch. “What would you like for dinner, Jane?” he asked, his voice lowering to a husky timbre. 

“What do you want?”

His next thought came swiftly and simply: _You._ He cleared his throat and shifted on the sofa. “You’re my guest. You choose.”

“How about Chinese food? I could go for some beef teriyaki.”

“That’s fine.”

She smiled and turned slightly so that she was on her side looking up at him. “Did you discover anything else today, Loki?”

“Well, no. Today I decided to visit my place of employment.”

“And?”

“And I don’t remember anything I was working on. I sort of just remember the kind of work I did, but not exactly what I did. Does that make sense?”

“It does. Do you think you’d be able to piece it together to be able to go back?”

“Yes, I think so. I hope so. I am going back next week.”

“Maybe you’ll discover something else you’d like to do as time goes on. Thor said you used to like to write.”

“Hm, did I? Well, that does sound interesting.”

“Loki?”

“Hmm?”

“My stomach is going to eat itself. Can we order?”

He laughed and got up to grab the menus he had in a drawer in the kitchen. Jane got up and followed him. “You do realize you started this by asking me about my day.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she muttered and watched him dig through a drawer for the menu. 

“Do you have any magnets, Loki?” she asked him. 

“No.”

“I’m getting you some so you can put the menus on your fridge like a normal person instead of a fucking drawer. Get some pork fried rice and crab rangoons, too?”

“Yes, dear.”

“I’ll pour wine. Wine glasses?”

Loki pointed to the cabinet next to the sink and then dialed the Chinese food place. He placed their order while Jane poured the wine and then she handed him his glass and headed into his living room. After he hung up with the restaurant, he followed her in and watched her poke around his living room. 

“See anything interesting?” he asked. 

“Can I see your gun?” she asked and looked at him with a mischievous glint in her eye. 

He blinked. “You want to see my gun?”

She nodded. “Please? Pretty please?”

“Uh, sure. Let me just get it…it’s in my bedroom.”

“I’ll come with you.” They both placed their wine glasses down and then Loki led Jane up the stairs to his bedroom. He’d put the gun back after taking it out when he’d found it. Somehow it just felt right in his drawer. The picture of Jane, however, was tucked into a different drawer. 

He opened the drawer and pushed aside some silk boxers and socks and there it was. He didn’t expect Jane to reach in and grab it, but she did. He also didn’t expect her to handle it like a seasoned professional, but she did. 

“Oh, this is a Glock 17, nine by nineteen with a magazine of seventeen rounds. A lot of cops use it,” she said and proceeded to take his gun apart with the greatest of ease. 

Loki could only gape at her as she then put it all back together. Then she placed it back into his drawer and smirked up at him. “Nice boxers.”

She walked away as though nothing had just happened. “Jane, what the bloody hell was that?” he demanded as he followed her down the stairs. 

“What was what?”

“The handling of the gun! Wait. Did you always know about guns and I just don’t remember that along with everything else?”

She faced him and shook her head. “No. I just…happen to know about odd things.”

Loki was about to ask her more when the doorbell rang. She smiled. “Food’s here.”

xxxxxxxxx

“Odd things are usually defined by the questions asked in a Trivial Pursuit game. I’m not sure what category knowing exactly what gun I had complete with how to assemble and dissemble it falls into,” Loki said as they sat at his dining room table eating their dinner. Cartons of Chinese food were spread out before them and Jane had brought the bottle of wine in as well. She’d already refilled both their glasses. 

Jane shrugged. “I had an uncle that was really into guns. He took me to the shooting ranges when I was a teenager. It was something that stayed with me. Once in a while I like to go and practice. It’s a great stress reliever.”

“Does Thor go with you?”

“A world of no. That’s all for me.”

“Does he know about your extensive knowledge of guns?”

“No,” she said slowly. “I think it would kind of freak him out.”

Loki sat back and appraised her silently. “Yet you told me.”

“Are you freaked out?”

“No.” _I’m rather turned on actually,_ he thought. Was it normal to be turned on by a woman knowing enough about guns that she visited shooting ranges? Maybe not, but he couldn’t help how he felt. 

“I can teach you how to use it if you want,” she told him. “We could visit the shooting range. Maybe if you had the gun in your hand and you were in an environment in which you were expected to shoot it, whatever you may have learned before will come back to you.”

Loki nodded slowly. “I like that idea. Jane…”

“Hmmm?”

“What makes you say Thor would be ‘freaked out’ about you knowing how to use a gun?”

“Thor is a little…old-fashioned when it comes to women. I just think that would be something he would feel a little odd about. I choose not to tell him.”

“Well, I don’t think—”

“Loki! Loki, are you in there?”

Jane and Loki looked at each other at the sound of a woman’s voice and rampant knocking on his door. 

Jane got up. “Are you going to get that?”

“Do I have to?”

“Yes! Loki, the negligee? That could be the owner. You might find out something new!”

“What if she’s the reason I have the gun?” Loki muttered as he went to the door. 

He opened it, Jane behind him, and on the other side was a woman with long blond hair and blue eyes. She wore tight black leggings and a shirt that clung to her every curve. It was also low cut and a substantial amount of cleavage was shown. She wore running shoes and her hair was draped all about her shoulders. Her makeup was thick and Loki thought she looked like a model that had just walked off a photo shoot. 

“I just landed an hour ago. Denise told me everything. I lost my phone which is why I couldn’t call you – oh, my poor Loki!” the woman exclaimed and threw her arms around him. 

Loki stood there stiffly, unmoving. 

And then the woman saw Jane for she pushed away from Loki and, glaring at Jane, hollered, “It’s _you_! Jane fucking Foster, the paragon of virtue!” 

The woman started after Jane in a way that could only be described as menacing, so Jane did what came natural. She punched the woman in the nose. 

The woman howled, Loki’s eyes went wide, and he stepped in front of Jane as if to protect her, even though she was the one that had thrown the punch. Jane just peered around him with one brow arched as the woman carried on and on with her hand over her nose. 

“I didn’t even hit you that hard,” Jane snapped. “Fucking get over it.”

The woman stopped and glared at Jane. Loki held up his arms. “Who the bloody hell are you?” he demanded. 

Now the woman looked about ready to weep. “You don’t remember me?”

“I have amnesia,” Loki said harshly and dropped his arms, “So no.”

“Denise said that you did, but…but…Loki, it’s me! Sigyn! How could you forget me?”

“Who’s Denise and how does she know about Loki having amnesia?” Jane asked. 

“She’s a friend who works at the hospital Loki was in after his accident,” Sigyn explained. “She told me as soon as she found out.” Her bottom lip quivered. “You really don’t remember me, Lokey Pokey?”

Jane burst out laughing and when Loki glared at her over his shoulder she slapped a hand over her mouth. “I’m sorry.” A giggle escaped. “Lokey Pokey.”

“What is she doing here, Loki?” Sigyn demanded. “Why is that woman in this apartment with you? You told me that she would never step foot in this place, and yet here she is.”

Jane came out from behind Loki and pointed at Sigyn. “How do you know who I am when I have no clue who _you_ are?”

Loki moved closer to her, still thinking of himself as a human shield apparently, and Jane simply moved away from him. He glared at her some more.

“I’ve seen your picture,” Sigyn said, her tone dripping with venom. “The one he keeps in his nightstand. The one he _pines_ over. I know sometimes that when he’s fucking me he’s thinking of _you_.” She straightened and ran a hand through her long hair. “But I do all the things you would never do. Like let him tie me up and spank me and—”

“Enough!” Loki shouted. 

“Loki!” Sigyn squealed. “Please don’t yell at me, you know I hate it!”

“I think I’m gonna go,” Jane announced. No doubt about it, she was freaking the fuck out. She started to head to the coffee table to grab her purse when Loki grabbed her arm. She looked back at him and he just looked at her furiously. “You’re not going anywhere,” he told her.


	8. Chapter 8

“This is what you’ve always wanted, Jane Foster all to yourself,” Sigyn hissed. She placed one hand on her hip. “Do you really have amnesia or is this an elaborate scheme to get back at Thor and find a way to get her?”

Loki turned his head slowly to look at Sigyn and Jane swallowed hard. He looked like he was going to kill her. “Get out of my apartment now,” he said in a tone that brooked no argument. 

While Jane did not see any real redeeming qualities in Sigyn, she also didn’t want Loki to murder her. In her head she encouraged the woman to go and to go now if she valued her life in any way. 

“Are you _kidding_ me?” Sigyn exclaimed. “You’re kicking me _out_?”

Loki let Jane go long enough to take one step toward Sigyn with a growl and that was all it took for Sigyn to squeal in fear and run out the door, slamming it behind her. 

Loki looked at Jane, whose arm he still gripped rather tightly. The fact that she was a bit spooked must have been written on his face for his expression softened and he let her arm go. “Jane, why do you look at me in fear like that?”

“I saw Old Loki in you,” she said and moved a few feet away from him. “You looked like you were going to kill her.”

“No, I wasn’t going to kill her. I just wanted her to leave. The things she was saying…” he shook his head. 

“Yeah, um, about that?”

He looked at her, straight into her eyes. “I found the picture she was talking about. It was in the nightstand with the gun. It makes sense to me now, why when you told me I hated you it didn’t make sense. Now I know why. I didn’t. I never hated you, Jane. I think I had feelings for you then.”

“Can I see the picture?”

“You want to see the picture?”

She nodded. “Unless you threw it out.”

“I didn’t,” he said. And then softer, “I couldn’t.”

Jane decided not to dwell on what _that_ meant. Thankfully, he started to the stairs. Jane stayed where she was. Somehow she didn’t think going to his bedroom was wise. Not this time. He looked back at her. “Are you coming?”

“No. I’ll wait for you here.”

He nodded, looking a little saddened, and started to climb the stairs. Jane went to the dining room for more wine. Her hands were shaking. This felt surreal, like it just wasn’t happening. She almost felt as though she was outside of herself watching events unfold. Loki had a girlfriend – of sorts – that he fucked and thought of Jane while he did so? He had a picture of her? He pined for her? How was this possible? Whenever he spoke to her he spoke to her with utter contempt in his voice, as if he couldn’t believe that she even existed because she was that much a waste of space. 

How in the world…? What had Thor said about Old Loki? _“There was always something to the way Loki would look at you…even when he was spewing his vitriol, I thought perhaps there was something more under the surface of all that anger and hate.”_

Well, maybe Thor had been right. But why had he never said anything before if that’s what he’d thought? Probably because he knew how disgusted Jane would have been at the very idea that Loki would have any feelings for her that did not involve hatred. 

Jane didn’t hear Loki come back until the picture was right before her in his hand. His arm extended around her. She could feel the heat of him behind her and she grabbed the picture from his hand and moved away from him. 

She looked down at it in surprise. “I know this picture. Thor is standing right here…” she pointed to thin air off to the left of the picture. The picture didn’t look torn and it was obvious that however this one had been developed; it had been developed without Thor. She looked at him. “This was one of our engagement photos. Your mother had paid for us to have professional photos done. I have the full photo in my bedroom. Framed. How did – never mind. You don’t know. How would you know? You can’t remember.” She looked back down at the photo. “You must have photoshopped Thor right out of – oh my God. You contacted the photographer? How else would you have…? Wow.”

“I never hated you,” he said softly. “When I think of what you are to me now I don’t understand how I could have ever—”

“You did a good job hiding it,” she interrupted. “It makes me sad now.”

“How so?”

“Because we get along so well now, and Thor could have had his brother – you could have had Thor and your father and…and it just makes me sad now.” She looked back down at the picture. “But then, maybe that wouldn’t been the case because…this.” She attempted a smile. “Maybe you were going to hire someone to murder me and just needed a photo to give to the—”

“Don’t even joke about something like that,” Loki snapped. 

“Sorry. You know what? I think I should go. I - we – kind of need to process this. Sigyn was just a wealth of unwelcome information.”

Loki said nothing, but when she walked by him his hand snapped out and he grabbed her arm. “I can still come this weekend? To the party?”

She nodded and not another word was spoken as she left. 

xxxxxxx

Loki spent the next couple days giving Jane some room. She’d looked spooked when she’d left his apartment and he couldn’t say he blamed her. Sigyn’s revelations had only confirmed what Loki had suspected about himself and Jane. Old Loki had had serious feelings for Jane. Perhaps he’d been in love with her. Also, he might have been a bit obsessed. 

And as for him, now? Well, he was afraid to explore that too much. It wasn’t as if he could do anything about it anyway. She was an engaged woman – to his brother. He was this changed man due to a lack of memories, so what would it make him to go after the woman his brother was engaged to? A miserable sod, that’s what. 

Still, Loki was nervous about seeing Jane after everything had settled into his mind about her. Mainly because he didn’t know what to expect from her. Would she be skittish with him? Keep him at arm’s length? Would she tell him they couldn’t be friend anymore? The very thought of it made his heart ache. 

He opened his door to leave and found a lanky man with dark hair, plump lips and haunting blue eyes behind wire-rimmed glasses. His dark hair was mussed, as though he’d spent some time running his hands through it, and the dark suit he wore was a bit rumpled. 

“You’re alive,” the man said. “I heard about the accident. I’m sorry I didn’t come and see you sooner. I was…recovering.”

Wonderful. Just what Loki wanted. Someone else that didn’t know he had amnesia that he had to inform. Yet another person that would inevitably not believe him. He just didn’t have it in him. 

“Look,” Loki began on a sigh, “I’m going out and I just don’t have time for this-”

“You need to make time,” the man hissed and pushed his way past Loki and into the apartment. “We have a big night tomorrow and I – okay, I admit it. I spent some of the money.” He held up his hands. “Don’t give me shit, Loki, I needed something badly to take the edge off. You still have a few mil, right?”

Okay, this was interesting. Loki shifted on his feet. Something told him to play along with this. The man before him was clearly on edge to begin with and he was just so tired of having to explain himself. Maybe he’d find out more if he just played along. “I do.”

“Good. Well, we might need some backup tomorrow. It’s our opening night, Loki, and I just want to make sure everything goes well. I hear the rumblings on the street about it and I admit I’m a little worried. I just don’t want any crashers if you know what I mean.”

Loki scratched the back of his head. “Where is our opening night exactly?”

“Don’t fucking do this to me, Loki! What the hell?”

Okay, this must have been what Jane meant when she’d said he’d looked one fry short of a Happy Meal. This guy definitely looked that way. His hands were beginning to shake. 

“I was in a car accident,” Loki said calmly. “I was out for a week in a coma. Some things are hazy.”

“We’re meeting at the bottom of Club Oberon. While the show is going on upstairs, we’ll be doing our thing downstairs. There is a password to get in – it’s Fat Bastard - and Louie will be at the door to make sure he doesn’t let any wanderers in. We can have up to twenty people at the gambling tables and no more. As people leave, more people can come in. Nine o’ clock, all right? And don’t forget your gun and some cash…just in case.”

Loki filed the information away. “I will be there, and hey – don’t worry so much.”

“Now who would Jonathan Crane be if he didn’t worry?” the guy laughed, almost maniacally, and left. 

Loki rubbed his forehead. He already felt a headache coming on. He heaved a deep breath and then headed out to Jane’s.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Jane was wearing a dress. A spaghetti-strapped black dress that went down to the tips of her toes – she wore no shoes at all. Her hair was pulled back into some kind of bun and she wore no jewelry. She looked positively breathtaking and Loki’s hands itched to run his hand over her exposed skin. He held out a bottle of wine and attempted casualness instead. “Am I too late?”

“Not at all,” she said with a shake of her head. She began to wave him in, “Come in, come in!” 

Her words were slightly slurred and Loki looked down at her curiously. “Are you drunk?”

“I’m buzzed,” she replied. 

He noticed then her rosy cheeks and smiled. “What can I do to help you?”

“Nothing, Loki, you’re a guest.”

“I want to help you, Jane.”

She reached up and patted his cheek with her hand. “You’re sweet.”

Loki’s breath caught at the touch and he placed his hand over hers. “Can I talk to you later?”

She pulled her hand away and shifted on her feet, her gaze skittering away. “Sure.”

“I had a visitor tonight.”

Jane’s gaze darted up to him. “Another _female_ visitor?”

“No. A man this time. Jonathan Crane?”

She shrugged. “That’s not ringing any bells.”

“Jane, are there anymore scallops?” 

Loki looked up at the woman coming up behind Jane and he sighed. That’s right. Party. He couldn’t have Jane to himself just yet. 

Jane bit her lip and looked up at him. “Loki—”

“No, it’s okay,” he said. He held out his hand to the woman and she took it with a grin. “I’m Loki. You are?”

“Natalie.”

“Hi, Natalie. Do you mind introducing me to the other guests while Jane sees to the scallops?”

Natalie’s smile was flirtatious. “Of course. Follow me, handsome.”

Jane watched Natalie and Loki go with a frown. Wine. She needed more wine. 

xxxxxxx

Loki kept an eye on Jane all night as she flitted from guest to guest with the greatest of ease. He learned that some of these people were in the wedding party, and the rest were neighbors in the building that Jane and Thor had made friends with. Even the annoying Darcy Lewis was there. 

It was Natalie that gave him the most attention and though she was a beautiful woman, educated, funny, and kind, Loki felt nothing for her. Nothing romantic anyway. And when Natalie would lean in closer to him, or boldly touch her hand to his arm, he found his gaze wandering to Jane. 

“I’m thinking of going,” Natalie said at one point after dessert. “Would you like to get out of here?”

Loki might have amnesia, but he knew exactly what Natalie was asking him. “No, actually I am going to stay behind and help Jane clean up.”

Natalie’s disappointment was palpable and she left shortly thereafter. And Loki just waited. And waited. Finally, the last guest was out of the apartment and Loki stood in the hallway and watch Jane bid them farewell. When the door was closed, she turned and sagged against it. “I’m exhausted.”

“I bet,” Loki said. 

“I have so much to clean up,” she whined. 

“I’ll help,” he told her. “The last hour I cleaned up the stray dishes no one was using. All we need to do is clear out the dishwasher from dinner and refill it.”

Jane just looked at him, dazed, and then followed him to the kitchen. They began to work in silence, well, semi-silence. Jane had to tell Loki where the dishes were. Finally, when they began loading the dishwasher Jane asked him about his visit from Jonathan Crane. 

After Loki got to the part about where they were holding their “show”, the wine glass in Jane’s hand slipped from her hand and into the sink with a crash. She swore and reached in for a shard and Loki’s hand flung out to stop her. Hitting her at the wrong angle caused her to cut herself and she swore and yanked her hand out of the sink. 

She reached for a dishtowel at the same time Loki grabbed hold of her hand to inspect her bloody finger. “Next time don’t scare me,” she growled. 

“Band-aids?”

“Bathroom.”

“Bueno.”

Jane just rolled her eyes and breezed her way out of the kitchen, Loki at her heels. 

“I’m capable of applying a band-aid, Loki,” she told him as she reached into the medicine cabinet to grab the box. 

Loki ignored her and took the box from her and opened it. He peeled open a band-aid and then looked at her. “You have galaxy band-aids?”

“I’m a nerd, shut up,” she said and held out her finger. “Loki, tell me again slowly about what he said to you.”

Loki began again as he wrapped her finger with the band-aid and then, impulsively, he lifted her finger to his mouth and kissed it with a little grin. Her brows furrowed momentarily and then he finished his story. 

“It sounds like a gambling ring. An illegal gambling ring,” she muttered. “Is there a fee at the door?”

“I don’t know.”

“Loki, what the fuck have you gotten yourself into?” 

He rubbed his forehead and exclaimed, “I don’t know!”

“Are you going to go?”

“I have to. I have to see what it’s all about, what I was doing—”

“I’m going with you.”

“ _Absolutely_ not!”

“Loki, do you know how worried I’ll be all night thinking something could happen to you? You’re going into this blind with no memory of what you’ve set up and all you have is what sounds like some Nervous Nellie probably hopped up on drugs to have your back. No. I am going.” She pushed past him out of the bathroom, probably thinking that was the end of that. 

Not by a long shot. 

He grabbed her arm in the hall and forced her to look at him. “And do you have any idea how worried I’ll be with you there?” He shook his head. “No. It’s not happening. I am not putting you in danger like that.”

“You can’t stop me,” she said defiantly. “I know the place and the password now.”

“Jane Foster, I am not arguing with you about this. I said no.”

She arched a brow. “You’re not the boss of me. I know how to take care of myself, Loki. Trust me on that.”

“This is not a shooting range, Jane. This is not a controlled environment—”

“Trust me when I tell you that out of the two of us, I have more of a shot protecting you than you have protecting me.”

That was a blow to his masculinity if there ever was one. “What do you think you’ll do, Jane? Talk about the stars? About Einstein-Rosen bridges? I don’t think—”

The next thing Loki knew he was on his back on the floor, feeling as though the wind had been knocked out of him. Jane was on top of him, straddling him, one hand gripping his neck. “You were saying?” she said, her head cocked to the side. 

“Bloody hell, Jane!” Loki exclaimed and gripped her hips. He attempted to roll her over, but her thighs squeezed him hard and she sat back, pinning him in place. Her grip on his neck tightened. 

“Will you stop arguing with me?” she asked challengingly. 

“Yes.” _No._ She narrowed her eyes. “Yes,” he insisted. _Definitely not._

She didn’t look as though she believed him, but she loosened her hold on him and as soon as she did, Loki managed to flip her onto her back. He straddled her, but kept his hands on either side of her head, bracing himself up on his arms. She glared up at him and he just smiled down at her. 

“I’m still going,” she told him. 

Loki sighed. “Jane, please, no.” With one hand he curled an errant strand of her silky hair around his finger. “I couldn’t bear it if anything were to happen to you.”

She pushed at him and though Loki didn’t want to move, he did. He sat back on the floor as she sat up as well. “Nothing is going to happen to me, Loki. We can have each other’s back, okay?” 

“Think about Thor at least,” he pleaded. 

“I’m done with this conversation,” she said and got to her feet. “You’re my friend, Loki, finally, after so long of us hating one another. You and Thor have a real chance at being brothers again, and we all have a chance at being a family. Rumor has it Thor is going to ask you to be his best man so you can stand up for him at our wedding in a few months. I’m not going to let your dumbass mistakes from the past ruin our future.” She held out her hand. 

Loki took her proffered hand and climbed to his feet. Then pulled her into his arms and hugged her tight. He cradled the back of her head with his hand and buried his nose in her hair. “I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

“Ditto,” she whispered. 

He pulled back to look at her and there was so much he wanted to say. How he cared for her. How she was the only one he could talk to. How Old Loki’s feelings had been passed on to who he was now. He found himself staring at her lips, wondering what it would be like to kiss her and until then he hadn’t realized just how much he’d wanted to do that for days now. It felt like forever, actually. He wondered if some part of his old self was permeating his new self and the affection he held for this petite woman that planned to protect him like some Warrior Goddess. 

He felt himself leaning in and then Jane put her hands on his chest to stop him. “We should probably finish cleaning up and then see if we can find out anything about Jonathan Crane.”

He nodded and let her go. 

“I’m just going to change,” she murmured and Loki watched her go. When she was out of sight he sighed heavily and placed his hand on the wall beside him to steady himself. _Get yourself together,_ he told himself. _She’s engaged to your brother, you can’t have her._

But oh, how he wanted her…


	10. Chapter 10

“All right, so what do we know about Jonathan Crane?” Jane said as she and Loki sat at the kitchen table together. She began to tick off her fingers: “He’s an investment banker that has done several jobs for your company, Bain Associates. You two know—or in your case knew, each other well enough to start what I believe is an illegal gambling ring—”

“How do you know about illegal gambling rings?” Loki asked. “And while we’re on the subject of things Jane knows about – how the hell did you know how to flip me onto my back like that?”

Her smile was mysterious and she just shrugged. “I grew up in Boston, Loki. Who doesn’t know about Whitey Bulger and all the crimes he’s committed, including gambling rings, not to mention extortion and lottery fraud?”

Loki narrowed his eyes. “No, there’s more than just following the newspapers, Jane. A newspaper doesn’t teach you how to flip someone on their back like that.”

“If you’re jealous I can teach you how to do it later.”

“Fine, don’t tell me,” he said, annoyed with her evasion. 

“Now, he spent some money – probably on drugs – and referenced you have a couple mil?” Jane continued. “I am hazarding a guess that with the nature of what he does and what you do, there has been embezzling involved. With him as a banker and you in the position to take advantage of businesses going through a transition…it happens all the time. A faux vendor is set up by an employee for services that have dubious renderings. The employee is able to use the overhaul to their advantage to embezzle money. . . that’s my best guess.”

“And now you know how embezzlement works.”

Jane shrugged. “Thor, remember? He works the same kind of business. He had someone investigated just last year for that same thing.” She leaned forward. “What I wonder is if you have money somewhere else.”

“You mean in some shady offshore account?”

“Exactly. Or perhaps another account here in Boston. You, my friend, were the very definition of shady so I could definitely see you having an offshore account.”

 

“I wish I could remember any of this,” Loki muttered. 

“So do I, but I suppose we’ll work with what we have. Probably a good idea that you didn’t let Crane in on the fact that you had amnesia considering how unstable he sounds. However, I’m not sure how long you’ll be able to hide it either. We’ll work with what we have for now.”

She got up and carried her now empty tea cup to the sink. Loki had to force himself to stay seated. He wanted so badly to go to her, to take her in his arms, and kiss her. Based on the things she’d told him about how he’d behaved in the past, he didn’t deserve the help she wanted to give him now. It amazed him that she even wanted to do any of this – and it worried him as well. Just the thought of any harm coming to Jane filled him with dread. 

“Loki, Earth to Loki.”

Loki looked up at her. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Are you free tomorrow afternoon?”

“I am. Why?”

“Because I’d like to take that gun of yours down to the shooting range.”

“For practice?”

“Yes, but not for me. For you.”

“This is one of those time where I hope something comes back,” he said with a little laugh. “If only to keep you out of harms way.”

“Stop worrying about me,” she told him. “I’ll be fine.”

“You keep saying that, but it’s not making me feel any better.”

She opened her mouth to respond when her cell phone started chirping on the counter. She held up a finger, the universal signal for ‘hold on’ and answered it. “Hey, babe.”

Loki winced and hoped she didn’t see it. He got up from the chair he’d been occupying and wandered into the living room. He didn’t care to hear Jane and Thor trade endearments and sweet nothings. 

His mind was racing with all that had happened and all that was about to happen. He didn’t know if Old Loki had ever been afraid of anything, but this one was worried. If he knew what he was dealing with…who he was dealing with. So far, after meeting Crane, he wasn’t impressed. Old Loki’s version of friendship appeared to be lacking. As did his version of a healthy relationship. He shuddered just at the thought of Sigyn. 

His thoughts drifted to Natalie. She had been nice enough. Pretty, too. Perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to at least attempt to date someone. Even if his life was a mess. Even if he found he cared too much about someone else. 

“You okay?”

And there was that someone, standing next to him as he looked out the large bay window overlooking the city. Her hand was warm on his back. In his mind’s eye he saw himself turning to her, taking her in his arms and kissing her. He would run his hands through her hair, nibble on her lips, breathe her in…

He cleared his throat and nodded. 

“Sleep, I think, is in order.” She started to move away from him and Loki couldn’t stop himself from reaching out and pulling her to him. He took her face in his hands and she looked up at him, startled. He leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to her forehead. 

“You are a wonder, Jane Foster,” he murmured. “I will see you tomorrow. Good night.”

He let her go and didn’t dare look at her again as he took his leave. 

xxxxxxxx

 

The following afternoon, Jane showed up at Loki’s apartment and as soon as he saw her, he pulled her with him up the stairs and into his bedroom. He pointed at the painting on the wall. 

“Looks like a normal painting, right?” he asked. He seemed a little…high. As though he’d just drank twenty cups of coffee. He then moved forward and took the painting down. Underneath was a safe in the wall. 

He looked triumphant. Jane had to smile at how proud of himself he was. “How did you stumble upon this little treasure?” she asked. 

“I was too close to it while I was putting on my undershirt and I hit it with my arm. The picture came tumbling down and wa-la.” And then he frowned. “I just can’t find the combination.”

Jane took off her hoodie and dropped her purse on his bed. “Did you check the pockets of your suits?”

His brows rose. “No.”

He followed her in his walk-in closet and she went to one end and he to the other and they moved to the center towards each other. 

“Yet another thing to add to the mystery of Jane Foster,” Loki mused as he dug into a pocket. 

“See, now I think I just like to keep you wondering and guessing.”

He laughed. “That seems about right.”

“Oh! I think I got something!” she exclaimed and then pulled her hand out of one of his suits. “A-ha! I feel something folded…something papery…” She pulled out a slip of paper and looked down at it. It was a series of numbers – three, specifically. 

She smirked at Loki. “Let’s open that bitch up.”

He laughed as he followed her back into the bedroom and she set to work on the combination. “I could see you as a spy,” he told her as he watched her lean over the end table that sat just below the safe. “All decked out in black – as you are now – sneaking into someone’s home or office and looking through their things with the agility of a cat.” His gaze traveled to her ass that was encased in tight black pants. How he wished he could just place a hand on that ass and feel it in his hands. 

She smiled over her shoulder at him and he hoped to hell she didn’t find him ogling her. “I actually kind of like that image.” And then she pulled the door of the safe open.

He smiled. “I thought you might. So what have we here?”

Jane stepped to the side and Loki dug in. More cash. At least another two million, a few jewels, bank statements from somewhere overseas, and a couple passports. 

Jane took the bank statements and looked them over. “Here are your offshore accounts with a total close to ten million. My God, Loki.”

“I don’t think your embezzlement idea is out of the realm of possibilities.”

“I should say not,” she muttered. She opened up a passport and giggled. “Richard Whittemore. Yeah, because I would totally buy that you looked like a Richard. Oooh! Does this mean I can call you Richie Rich?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“And Lokey Pokey is still off the table?”

“Completely and utterly.”

She grinned and looked in the next one. “And this one…Frederick Page. Frederick, Frederick, Frederick…all I can think of is Frederick’s of Hollywood.”

Loki smirked. “That I could probably get behind.”

“Perv. All right, so, how much did Crane tell you to bring tonight?”

Loki frowned. He didn’t want to think about tonight at all. “At least a couple mil.”

“Got a bag or a suitcase?”

Loki went in search of one. When he came back with a black bag, Jane helped him count out two million and then they methodically began stacking the money inside. 

“Jane, do you think we could discuss you not attending tonight?” he asked softly. 

“It would be a waste of time since I haven’t changed my mind and I’m not going to. Next on the agenda: shooting lessons. We’ll do what we can in a couple hours. I’m just hoping that Old Loki knew how to use one – and I can imagine he did – and that some of that will come back to you.” She zipped up the bag after Loki placed in the remaining bundle of cash and then looked up at him. “Ready, partner?”


	11. Chapter 11

“Jane Foster!” exclaimed the guy behind the desk at the shooting range. He looked rather happy to see Jane, a big goofy grin spreading across his face. Loki looked him over. He was…okay, he was rather handsome in a wholesome way. He had bright blue eyes and looked very cheerful; the very opposite of what Loki imagined a guy owning a gun shop would look like. Loki knew it was silly to feel a bit jealous considering Jane was an engaged woman (and to his brother no less), but he couldn’t help the territorial feeling that arose. 

Jane beamed at the guy and loped up to the desk with Loki in tow. “Hey, Peter! How are you?”

Peter grinned. “Great! Where have you been? Planning a wedding or something?”

Jane laughed. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Gamora has been asking about you.”

“Well, you can tell her I’m…ok.”

Peter tilted his head to the side. “Just ok?”

“Just ok.”

“Who’s Gamora?” Loki asked. 

“Peter’s wife,” Jane explained and then gestured to Loki as she leaned on the glass case Peter stood behind. “Peter Quill, this is Loki. My fiancee’s brother. My soon to be brother-in-law. Loki, this is my good friend and sometimes instructor, Peter.”

Peter extended his hand and Loki shook it, feeling assuaged now knowing this guy was married. 

“Peter, I want to pop off a few rounds since I haven’t been here in a while,” Jane said, “but Loki needs some instruction, so….”

Peter held up his hand. “Say no more. Rocket is in the back.”

Jane looked uncertain. “Is it a good idea to have him out here with the customers?”

Peter waved a dismissive hand. “It’ll be fine.”

“What’s wrong with Rocket?”

“He’s a little grumpy,” Jane explained. “They usually put him in the back away from people.”

“It’s not my fault people suck.”

Loki watched as a short man with what looked like a permanent snarl came out to the front and stood beside Peter. “Hey, short stuff,” he said to Jane. 

Jane smiled at him. “Hey, Rocket. You mind watching the front while Peter gives my friend Loki some lessons?”

Rocket looked at Loki. He snorted. “Sure.”

Loki wasn’t sure what to make of that exactly, but he felt insulted. 

“Be nice, Rocket,” Jane admonished him lightly and pulled Loki by his jacket with her across the store. 

Peter led them to the back of the store and through a doorway. The sound of gunshots rent the air repeatedly and Loki was thankful when Jane handed him a pair of earplugs and headphones. Then she handed him goggles.

They passed by several shooters who didn’t even look their way as they passed. Finally they got to a couple empty stalls at the end and Jane placed her duffel bag with Loki’s gun inside on the small table. She opened the bag and pulled out a gun that was definitely not Loki’s. He looked at her, startled, and she just grinned and headed into the next stall. 

This woman was a wonder, Loki thought not for the first time. 

“Nice gun,” Peter told him. “Ever use it before? At all?”

Loki shrugged. “I don’t know. I have amnesia.”

Peter seemed to take the news in stride. “Interesting. Okay, well, let me give you a lesson as though you’re a newbie.”

It took a while, but finally they got to the part where Loki could shoot. He heaved a sigh, aimed the gun down at the target and prayed to whoever was listening above that he could do this. Jane’s life was on the line here. He missed. He tried again. Missed again. And then again. 

He put the safety on and moved his finger off the trigger. 

“Loki,” he heard Jane say and he looked at her as she came to stand before him. 

“I can’t do it, Jane,” he told her. “If I ever even know how to do it, it doesn’t matter now because I can’t do it now. How am I going to protect you if I can’t—”

She put her hand over his mouth. “Stop. You’re not relaxing. You’re all tense, I can see it in your shoulders.”

“She’s right, man,” Peter chimed in. 

She moved her hand off his mouth and placed it on his shoulder followed by her other hand. “I need you to relax. I need you to breathe. I need you to not try so hard, but to just let it happen. I’m not here, Peter’s not here – it’s just you in this moment right here and right now with that target, okay?”

He nodded and she smiled. He could live off that smile alone. 

He sighed again, braced his feet and lifted the gun. He tuned everything out and narrowed his focus to the target. He aimed and shot. He came damn close. 

“Again, Loki,” Jane urged. 

He imagined it was Crane standing there – probably not fair to the man he didn’t even know, but he needed something in his head to imagine. It was Crane and he was after Jane. Loki fired and got the fucker right in the chest. Again and again he shot, and each time he thought, For Jane. Each time he hit the target. 

The “fantasy “— if it could even be called that—felt…familiar. As though he had employed it before. Perhaps, he had. 

It was time to change the magazine and so Loki put the safety on and placed the gun down. He then had an armful of Jane, who was hugging him and practically bouncing up and down with excitement. She beamed at him, placing both hands on either side of her face. “You did it! Now just remember all of that, okay?”

He nodded and placed his hands over hers. “Thank you, Jane.”

“I didn’t do anything, Loki. That was all you.”

He shook his head. “No, you talked me down. You got me to focus.”

“It doesn’t matter. Just remember it, okay?”

He nodded and kissed her forehead. “I will,” he mumbled. “For you.” And then he had Peter show him how to load the magazine and lessons resumed. 

Later, when Loki and Jane were getting ready to leave, they were at the front desk saying goodbye to Peter and Rocket. Rocket nodded to Jane. “You got anything to tell Gamora?”

“I got the message already,” Peter told him. 

Rocket just nodded, eyed Loki, and then sauntered off. 

“Were you and Gamora really close or something?” Loki asked as he and Jane made their way out of the store. “Did you have an argument?”

“You don’t always have to have an argument to part ways,” Jane said in her usual evasive manner. “So, how do you feel?”

“More confident than I did this morning. If something goes down tonight I can protect you—”

“Loki, stop. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

“But I am. Jane, I don’t know what is going to happen tonight. I don’t know what we’re walking into and the thought of you being in danger—”

“I’ll have my little revolver and a knife and I’ll be fine. Come on; let’s go get something to eat. I’m starving.”

Loki stood rooted to the spot and could just sputter, “Your _knife_?”

Jane rolled her eyes and pulled him with her across the street. Loki wondered how he could make her talk about what she was hiding. Perhaps though, it was best just to get through this night and then figure out a way inside her head. 

xxxxxxxx

Jane with a gun was lethal. Jane in a black dress, black tights and black boots that went to her thighs was a wet dream. And still lethal – especially when she showed him the small knife in an unknown pocket in her boots, and how the gun was strapped to her thigh. 

Loki’s hands itched to touch her and he had to reign himself in before he gave into his desires. He settled for his hand at the small of her back as they made their way to the elevator. 

She smirked at him as they rode it down to the first floor. “Loki, do you hear it?”

He frowned. “Hear what?”

“That train a comin’?”

He rolled his eyes. “Is that a reference to me being the man in black?”

She laughed. “Yes. You’re too tense!” She nudged him with her shoulder. “Relax, man!”

“How can you relax when you don’t even know what we’re walking into? I had gun lessons today in preparation for this, for Christ’s sake. I have a gun tucked in the back of my pants and you have _two_ weapons on you.”

“Going into this tense isn’t going to help anything. It’s just going to make us look shifty and scared. We’ll be seen as targets that way. When we walk in, we’re a team. I’ll put my hand through your arm like this…” She slipped her arm through his. “And I’ll smile coquettishly up at you like this.” She batted her eyes at him and giggled like an annoying schoolgirl. “And then you’ll smile at me as if you own me. I’m your property and you won’t share.”

He looked down at her, wishing she was his. Not his property of course, but his girl. His woman, as archaic as that sounded. 

She smiled and patted the side of his face. “Perfect. Otherwise, you keep your head up, eyes forward. Keep your back straight and walk as if you own the room. Got it?”

“Yes,” he whispered and looked away before he gave in to the urge to kiss her. 

“We’ll practice to the car, okay?”

He nodded. Good. Something to take his mind off his mounting worry…and his desire to drag Jane in his arms and kiss her for all he was worth.

xxxxxxxx

When they got to Club Oberon and parked in the adjacent parking lot, a big burly man that looked as though he could pummel a man into the ground came up to Loki from seemingly out of nowhere. “Mr. Odinson, Mr. Crane told me to make sure you got in the club all right. Is there anything in the vehicle I should know about?”

“The, uh, cargo in the trunk,” Loki said, not sure what to call a duffel bag of money in the trunk. The guy nodded and Loki wrapped his arm around Jane as they’d practiced. He wanted her as close to him as humanly possible. 

“Very well, sir, I will take care of it. You’re free to go inside. The other men are waiting.”

Loki nodded and he and Jane made their way to the club – a club that boasted burlesque circus shows. “That sounds interesting,” Jane murmured and then sighed. “Loki, your fingers are digging into my side. Loosen up.”

“Sorry,” he said quickly and loosened his grip on her. 

When they walked inside a security guard nodded to them and pointed down a long dark hallway that had another security guard standing post, blocking the way. Jane must have felt his hesitation for she nudged him lightly with her hip and they kept moving forward. The security guard nodded at them and stepped aside and down the dim hallway they went until they got to another door. This door led to a stairwell and down they went until they got to yet another door. They went through and down another hallway where another security guard stood in front of another door. He nodded to Loki. “Good evening, Mr. Odinson.”

“Good evening,” Loki said and nodded to him. 

The guard stepped aside and they stepped into a room that looked akin to a casino. There were at least a dozen tables of various games going and people milling about – men and women. They were all dressed as if they were heading to high society dinner. There was a bar to the side and Loki thought perhaps a shot of whiskey might take the edge off. 

Jonathan Crane came up to them then, a skinny woman in a silver dress hanging off his arm. Crane looked a bit loopy and his eyes were red. Loki frowned. That wasn’t a good sign. 

“We have success!” Crane crowed. He focused in on Jane. “And who do we have here?”

“She’s mine,” Loki grunted. He did not want to give Crane Jane’s name. 

Crane laughed and held his hands up. “No worries, no worries. I have my hands full as it is,” he said and then laughed as he looked at the woman making googly eyes at him. Crane waved Loki forward. “Come in, come in! Everything is going perfectly. Play a game or two and for God’s sake, stop looking like the heat is breathing down your neck!”

He walked off with a wink at Jane and Loki growled. 

“Down boy,” Jane muttered and placed a hand on his arm. “Well, this is exactly what I thought.”

“Gambling ring?”

“Yes. Highly illegal and if it gets out that you were doing this here – shit.”

“What?”

“You’ve caught someone’s attention. And if you’ve caught his attention then it won’t be long before you catch the attention of others.”

“Jane, what are you saying?” Loki asked exasperatedly. 

She leaned into him and murmured, ‘Duck your head as though I’m whispering sweet nothings in your ear.” 

Loki bent his head in her direction and leaned in closer. “Do you see that big man down at the table to the left? The one looking right at us?” she asked in his ear. 

Loki glanced at the table. “The one with all the tattoos?”

“Yes.”

“Who is he? And why is he looking at us?”

“Because he’s a mobster, Loki, and he works for my uncle. Now, let’s get a drink and lay low, okay?”


	12. Chapter 12

Loki looked down at her sharply, and he felt the room begin to spin as what she just said ran around his brain. “What?”

She looked up at him, his sweet, innocent, and yet lethal Jane. “I came with you tonight because I was afraid you’d gotten yourself into something seriously dangerous, and you have. You’ve no idea what you’re dealing with, Loki, and quite frankly I’m not sure Old Loki knew what he was dealing with either.”

“Jane, what—”

"Not here, not now. There are ears everywhere. Let's get a drink and find a table to just sit down and relax at."

Loki followed her lead, questions spinning around in his mind. Who was she? What was she? Was she part of the mob, too? Did Thor know? Was Thor part of it, too?

"I'll take a whiskey neat," Loki said to the bartender. "Jane? Wine?"

"Yes, please," she said and turned to face the crowd while leaning against his arm. Under different circumstances Loki probably would have enjoyed the show they were putting on more. The chance to be in close proximity to this fiery Goddess -

_"You come here and pretend to be a friend to your brother and a friend to me when really you're the devil incarnate, Loki. Get the hell out of my house and stay the hell out of our lives."_

"Loki? Take your drink from the nice man," Jane said and smiled dazzlingly at the bartender. Loki took his drink and made to pay for it, but the bartender waved him off, looking at him like he was nuts. 

"The boss doesn't have to pay," Jane murmured. "You pay him instead. A nice large sum to keep his mouth shut." 

Loki nodded and followed Jane to an empty table in the corner of the room. They sat down together and Jane eased herself against him, her arm extending across his back and her chin perching on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I think I had a memory," he muttered. "Of you, yelling at me to get out of your house and out of your life and Thor's. You called me the devil incarnate." 

She winced. "Yeah, that was after you tried to boot Thor out of your father's company. You had come over to say hello after Thor had just called and told me that your father had discovered what you'd done to try and get him out of the business."

"I came over to say hello? Why would I do that if I hated you all as you said?"

"You were playing nice. It was all a lie; a fake-out so that Thor wouldn't suspect you were really trying to sabotage him."

That felt only partly true. There was more, much more and Loki wished he could reach out and grab the memory that was hanging there waiting to be plucked. It wouldn't come no matter how hard he tried to access it. He sat back, frustrated. Jane turned so she was facing him. 

"I want to remember," he said. "I just can't. It's _right there_ and I just can't get to it."

"It's okay--"

"No, it's not okay, it's not bloody okay. I have no recollection of the complete and utter ass I was and what I've gotten myself into--"

"You just gonna sit here all night like a dark, mysterious figure in the corner?" Crane had returned. The girl was gone and it was just him this time, looking a bit more grounded. 

He sat down next to Jane and smiled at her. "Hello, gorgeous."

Loki felt his entire body tense up.

"Hello," Jane said with a haughty air. 

"You know, when you get tired of Mr. Dark and Broody..." Crane said and trailed a finger down Jane's bare arm. 

Loki saw red. He grabbed Crane's hand and twisted his hand back. "You touch what's mine again and I'll rip you apart, limb by limb and toss you in the Boston Harbor," he hissed venomously. 

Crane's eyes widened. "Okay, okay! Let go!"

Jane put her hand on Loki's arm. "Loki, honey, let him go. I'm okay."

Slowly, finger by finger, Loki released his grip on Crane. Crane jerked away and jumped to his feet. He pointed at Loki with a shaky finger. "You're nuts. I don't know what the hell your problem is, but get it together, man."

"We were just having a bit of a spat, Mr. Crane, that's why Loki appears a bit on edge. It's not you he's mad at, it's me," Jane said smoothly. 

"Leave us," Loki snarled at him. 

Crane all but ran off and Jane looked at Loki sharply. "He's right, Loki. Get it together."

"He was touching you with that lascivious look on his face. He wanted you, Jane. He isn't worthy enough to even look at you."

"Wow well, um...this is more of the Loki I remember though perhaps not at all protective of me." She scanned the room and noticed some people looking their way curiously. She turned in her chair and looked at him. "You're drawing attention. Turn in your chair and face me."

He did as she ordered and then she took his face in her hands and brought it down close to hers. "Remember what I said earlier about breathing? About doing whatever it was that got you to the place where you were able to shoot your gun and hit the target?"

"I was thinking of you," he told her, his gaze dropping to her lips. "I was thinking of how I had to protect you."

She looked startled by this and her mouth dropped slightly open. Loki reached up and ran the pads of his fingers lightly over her bottom lip. He heard Jane's sharp intake of breath and he leaned forward to bridge the space between them - 

The sound of a metal scraping against the floor jarred both of them out of their haze and Jane looked up to find Drax walking by and looking pointedly at them. Drax was the one she'd pointed out to Loki earlier. No doubt she and Loki's little display was going to be told straightaway to her uncle. 

She moved away from Loki and sat back in her chair, but made sure to take Loki's hand and entwine it with her own. He followed her lead and sat back as well. They sat like that for quite some time, both lost in their own thoughts. 

xxxxxx

The rest of the evening went by, thankfully, without incident – at least from the guests. Jane informed him he’d have to wait until the very end to settle with Crane and pay off the guards, bartenders, and the owner of Club Oberon.

Crane watched Loki count and dole out the case like a hawk. Loki couldn’t help but look at him challengingly, waiting for Crane to say one word against him so that he could knock the bastard on his ass. He didn’t know what his former self had been thinking getting involved with a loose cannon like Crane. The only thing he could figure was that Old Loki had seen Crane as malleable. Yet somehow had overlooked the fact that he was crazy as fuck?

“We’ll see you all next week,” Crane said as their “employees” left and though Loki wanted to argue that, he decided it was probably wise to keep quiet. Whatever his former self had set up he, for now, had to honor.

“Let’s hope some of us with it next week,” Crane said pointedly to Loki and departed.

Loki waited until he was sure he and Jane wouldn’t run into Crane on the stairs and then left, his hand gripping Jane’s tightly.

They were led to the car by a guard and Loki thought he could collapse with relief when they were finally on their way to his apartment. “Jane.”

“Yes?”

“Will you tell me everything now?”

“About my uncle?”

“No, Jane, about the theory of relativity,” he snapped. He held up a hand. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that.”

“You’ve been wound a little tight all day.”

“Can you blame me? And now I find out that your uncle is a mobster. What does that make you, Jane?”

“His niece?”

He shot her a look. “Jane. I’m serious. What is it exactly that I’m even doing except pissing off a bunch of mobsters and my so-called partner?”

“I would say that’s it in a nutshell. And that’s all you really need. You piss off the wrong mobsters and you’re dead.”

“And your uncle would be one of them?”

“Yes.”

“And the guy with the tattoos?”

“My uncle's muscle. His name is Drax. Only a few people in my uncle’s organization know about me, and those that do watch out for me.”

“So, what does that mean? They follow you?”

“Sometimes.”

“Do you not have any contact with your uncle at all?”

She shook her head. “Very little. I see him once or twice a year and that’s it. In a remote location outside of Massachusetts. Otherwise, we keep up by Peter and Rocket.”

Loki’s head whipped to the side to look at her. “Excuse me? Peter and Rocket? The two at the shooting range?”

"Yes. Remember all that talk today about Gamora?" 

“Yes.”

“Gamora really is Peter's wife, but she's been used as a code for my uncle. That’s why they asked if I had any messages for her, which really meant for him. When I told Peter to tell her I was ok, that was code for ‘I might need your help’. I’ve never had to use that code before now.”

"Because of me," Loki said softly. Jane didn't respond, which was an answer in and of itself. 

If he could wring anyone's neck, he would wring his own. He was in over his head with the things he'd been involved in and he wondered if his former self had even realized that? Or was just too arrogant and full of piss and vinegar to care? And now, having amnesia was doing him no favors. 

"Loki, we'll figure this out, okay?" Jane said softly and placed a hand on his arm. 

Jane. His sweet Jane who was now probably in danger because of him. "Why?" he asked, his voice cracking with suppressed emotion. "Why are you doing all of this for me? You could just forget about me and leave me to my messes. After all the things I've said to you in the past? After all the things I've done? Why would you want to put yourself in danger and help me?"

"Because you're not the same person as you were before, Loki," she said gently. 

"Was there nothing at all redeemable about me before? Was I just a miserable person that would have deserved to be killed for his stupidity?"

Jane sighed and looked out the window. After a long while she finally said, "Yes, you were a miserable person, but I don't know that you would have deserved to be killed for it. I just know that I can't turn my back on you now."

"Because I'm family."

"Yes..."

"Is there more to it? It feels like there's more that you're not telling me."

"There is," she said slowly. "I just don't know what the reason is. It's just... _there_."

Fair enough. He understood not having a reason, but definitely having a feeling about it. "Will you tell me more about your uncle?" he asked softly. "Will you stay with me a while?"

She smiled gently at him. "Yes."


	13. Chapter 13

The first thing Loki did when he and Jane arrived to his apartment was pour himself a drink at the small bar he had in the corner of his living room. He knocked back more than a shot of Vodka and then winced as it burned a path to his stomach.

Jane came up beside him and placed her hand on his back. “Easy, killer.”

Loki looked down at her and grimaced. “Can you not call me that? Considering everything I’ve learned about myself in the past week I don’t think that is entirely off the table.” She didn’t tell him he was just being silly and that worried him. Jane apparently didn’t think murder was out of the realm of possibilities. “Do you want a drink?” he asked.

She wrinkled her nose and nodded to the door of the bar. “Got anything else in there?”

“What’s your pleasure?” he asked with a grin. His smile fell as he had a flash of Jane in a white sparkling gown and her hair up.

“Loki? What’s wrong?”

He looked down at her. “How did we first meet?”

She furrowed her brow. “Why? Oh!” she tugged on his arm excitedly. “Are you having a memory?”

“I think so. You’re wearing a white sparkling gown—”

“The stupid white gown that made me feel like I had a bull’s eye on me all night with the stupid dinner we had to eat,” she said bitterly. He arched a brow and she looked at him sympathetically. “Sorry. What else do you remember?”

“That’s it. Tell me more. Where were we?”

“At a charity function your father threw. And by father I mean your mother. I had been talking to a couple people and they’d walked away when you came up to me—”

“And I pointed to your empty wine glass and asked you what your pleasure was.”

She smiled broadly. “Yes.”

Loki placed his glass down as the memory of meeting her came rushing back. “You said you didn’t know what you were drinking, just some white wine you’d picked off a platter and I remember thinking how beautiful you were, how resplendent.” She looked stunned by that, but Loki didn’t stop talking, he kept talking as he remembered. “I asked you if you hated things like this – meaning the ball – as much as I did. You said yes, because you weren’t a girly girl like most of the women in attendance and all I kept thinking was that you probably had more class in your little finger than most of those hussies at the ball.”

“Hussies! Wow, Loki, those are some harsh words,” she teased.

“I asked you your name and when you told me I kissed your hand.”

She nodded. “Yes, you did,” she said softly.

“I asked if you were sitting with anyone at dinner…”

“And I told you I was sitting with my fiancé.”

“With Thor.”

He looked away.

“What else do you remember?” she asked softly.

He looked back at her. “I wanted you.”

“Loki—”

“You asked me what I remembered. That’s what I remember. I wanted you.”

“Moving on. What else do you remember?”

He sighed. “Nothing.”

She tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “Are you lying?”

He looked at her sharply. “No, I’m not.”

She held up a hand. “I’m sorry. Reflex.”

“I don’t remember enough to lie about any of it, and I’d rather not lie about any memories I have at this point in time thank-you-very-much.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

“It’s not like you didn’t already know that I wanted you then, Jane. You know about the photo in my drawer, Sigyn was kind enough to tell you all about it and then some—”

“Loki! I got it!” Jane exclaimed.

He sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“All right, just pour me the vodka already,” she muttered and handed him an empty glass.

xxxxxxxx

Loki wasn’t sure doing a mock spar was the best idea while they were both a bit intoxicated from the shots of vodka they’d had earlier, but Jane had been excited about the prospect of teaching him to fight so he’d gone along with it. He didn’t actually hit her and she never actually hit him, but it was still practice. He lunged for her with a fake jab and she deftly moved out of the way.

“You did it again!” she exclaimed.

Loki threw up his arms. “It’s not like I know I’m doing it!” Apparently he had some “tells” when he fought that let her know what his next move was. She was working on stopping that.

“Concentrate!”

“You’re a little frightening, you know that?”

“Don’t be such a wuss. Now plant your feet and take a swing at me already!”

This time when Loki lunged with his fist extended (though he would never actually hit her), Jane grabbed his arm, turned, and the room spun before he landed with an oomph on the carpet and throw pillows that were strewn about his floor.

Jane landed on top of him, having slipped in the process on his carpet and probably because of the liquor she’d imbibed, and laughed.

She rolled off him to the floor and lay on her back, giggling.

“I don’t want to move. Tell me I don’t have to move,” Loki said with a sigh as he looked over at her.

She looked at him and smiled. “You don’t have to move.” She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “It’s really unusually comfortable on your floor.”

“That would be the pillows…” he grabbed one near her head. “Lift your head.” She did and he slid the pillow under her head. She sighed with contentment and then yawned and looked around the room whilst not moving off the pillow. “What time is it?”

Loki lifted his arm that had his watch on it. “Three a.m.” He looked over at her as he let his arm drop. “You’re staying here tonight.”

”What? No. As soon as I find the energy to get up…” she got up on her elbows, frowned, and laid back down. “And as soon as the room stops spinning, I will get up and call a cab.”

“Jane, no. It’s far too late for that. You’ll take my bed; I’ll take the couch and we’ll have ourselves a lie in tomorrow.”

“Good God, how British _are_ you? A lie in?” She pouted. “I don’t have a change of clothes.”

“I’ll give you a t-shirt to sleep in, and you’ve already showed me the black spandex shorts you have on under that dress.”

She grinned. “Quite clever of me don’t you think?”

“I find you to be a very clever woman, Jane.” He rolled onto his side and propped himself up on an elbow. “Tell me, does Thor know about your uncle – what’s his name again?”

“Erik Selvig. He’s not really my blood uncle. He and my father were best friends. They grew up together…just my father chose a different path.”

“You said once that you didn’t have much of a family to speak of. What happened to them?”

Sadness passed over her features and she looked up at the ceiling. “My father and my uncle were really close so I always knew him as my Uncle Erik. He’d never had kids or a wife and so I was like his surrogate daughter in some ways. He made sure his business never touched us. Until the day it did.” She swallowed hard and Loki reached out, took her hand in his, and squeezed it.

“They went out, just down to the local supermarket to get dessert for Sunday dinner and some men were after my uncle. My father got caught in the crossfire.”

“Jane,” Loki breathed and moved closer to her.

She looked at him and shook her head. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“Is that why you don’t see him much now?”

She nodded. “He stepped back in a big way. My mom was kind of…absent after that. She was there, but not really. I don’t talk to her much now, but I think she prefers that. She just…checked out.”

“She went crazy?”

“No, not necessarily. Just inward. She couldn’t deal.”

“I’m sorry, Jane.” He lay back down on his pillow and looked at her. “And here I’ve brought you into my mess.” He swore and shut his eyes. “If something like that happened to you…”

”Don’t think like that, Loki. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” he said fiercely and looked at her. “I don’t want you part of this. Your uncle worked hard to keep you out of this and I don’t want you near any of it.”

Jane rolled onto her side, bringing herself closer to him. “I’m not going to leave you to fend for yourself either. I can help you.”

He leaned in closer to her and said succinctly. “Not at the risk of your safety. They’ve already got a look at you.”

“I am nothing to those men there tonight. I was just property. A piece of meat. Your piece of meat. As far as they know I could have just been some escort you hired for the night. I am nothing to them.”

“But you’re everything to me,” he said softly and she looked at him with wide wondrous eyes. Loki placed his hand on the side of her face and used his thumb to caress her cheek. “Everything.”

Jane rolled away and sat up. “Right, so I was going to get a cab.”

“No, you’re going to stay here. It’s not safe for you to be out at this hour.”

“I think I’ve proven that I can take care of myself, Loki.”

“Jane, please. Allow me this one small concession? You’ve proven you can take care of yourself, and you’ve been taking care of me as well. Let me please have this.”

She made a face as though she was weighing the option of staying. Loki sat up. “Listen, I’m sure Thor wouldn’t want you to go out this late either.” He sighed. “Thor, who will no doubt have my head for other reasons so let’s not add to it, eh?”

Jane looked at him. “Thor knows nothing about my uncle, Loki. I’ve never told him.”

Loki just gaped at her. “How is it that you’ve never told your fiancée about your uncle?”

“Because it was drilled into my head to never tell anyone that I was connected to him in any way. That meant not telling anyone about him at all. Even Thor.”

“But you’ve told me.”

“What other choice did I have?” she asked incredulously. “Drax was there and—”

“And long before tonight you could have walked away.”

She shook her head adamantly. “No. And let you deal with this mess alone? When you remember nothing? You were ruthless and cunning and manipulative before, Loki, but you’re not now. Now you’re just…just…”

“Fragile? That’s what you said before, right? I’m fragile.”

“Yes!” she exclaimed.

Loki got to his feet in frustration and looked down at her. “You must think I am some kind of idiot.”

“No, I thought you were an idiot _before_. I think your past self was an idiot to have done all this shit. Now I just think that you’re…lost.”

“You pity me.”

Now Jane got to her feet. “I don’t pity you, but what’s so wrong with that if I did? Loki, you have _amnesia_. You’re in a situation that could get you into some serious trouble – like death. You could be killed. Or arrested and sent to prison for life. And you have no recollection of _any_ of it. Would it be so terrible that this person I see before me now, this sweet guy that is like…”

“Like what?”

“Like how you were when it was all a ruse and you were just playing nice to hide the fact that you’d tried to get Thor out of your father’s company. When I thought that we were friends and that you liked me and didn’t harbor this loathing for me that I didn’t understand—”

He reached out and cupped the side of her face. “We both know I didn’t loathe you. Maybe I loathed what I felt for you. Maybe I loathed Thor for having you, too. Maybe I loathed the man that I was because he wasn’t good enough for you, but it’s clear I wanted you...cared for you. I _feel_ it, Jane.”

“You mean what you _felt_ , right Loki?”

Loki saw the uncertainty and fear in her eyes and he bit back the truth of what he felt for her now, what he knew to be true in his heart. “Yes, of course. What I felt. Listen, we should get some sleep. Come on, let’s get you settled.”

She nodded, looking somber, and followed him up the stairs.


	14. Chapter 14

Jane awoke with a start early in the morning. She sat up in bed, momentarily disoriented, and then she heard a loud crash and realized it was not a dream in which she’d heard a loud bang, but it had been an actual loud bang. Jane scrambled out of the bed and grabbed her gun that she’d slipped in Loki’s dresser and went for the stairs. 

“Stop!” she heard Loki shout. 

Jane crept down quietly, opening the safety on her gun and getting ready to shoot if need be. 

And then she saw Drax punch Loki, who was already on the floor and had a bloody nose. 

“Drax, God! No!” she shouted and put the safety back on. She placed the gun on a nearby sidetable and ran over to Loki. She knelt down beside him and covered the top of half of him with her body to stop Drax from punching him again. 

“Well. I’m not sure how I feel about this.”

Jane looked across the room at the sound of her uncle’s voice and found him sitting on Loki’s couch, calm and relaxed as could be. 

“Hello, Uncle Erik.”

“Jane.”

Drax straightened and looked over his shoulder. “Boss?”

“Jane, will you get off the boy?” Uncle Erik asked with a roll of his eyes. “Drax, leave him be.” He looked at Jane pointedly. “For now.”

Jane moved off Loki and looked down at him, assessing his injuries. His nose was bleeding and it was clear he was going to have a black eye. 

“Good morning, Jane,” Loki grunted and Jane attempted a smile. She helped him sit up and looked over at her uncle. “Can I please tend to his injuries?”

Erik said nothing, but he didn’t have to. The arch of his brow said everything. 

“It’s okay, Jane,” Loki said and tentatively touched his nose and winced. 

“No, it’s not okay,” Jane said and tugged on his arm. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up so that you and my uncle can sit down and talk—” she looked pointedly at her uncle, “ _Civilly_.” 

Again, Erik said nothing and Jane swore Drax growled when Loki got up and placed his hand on Jane’s shoulder to balance himself. Jane shot Drax a warning look and helped Loki shuffle to the bathroom. 

“Sit,” she said and pointed to the toilet. He sat without argument. 

“So. That’s your uncle,” he said. 

“I’m sorry, Loki. I should have known he’d act quickly,” Jane said as she rummaged under his sink for something resembling a First Aid Kit. She found a random face cloth, cotton ball, and hydrogen peroxide. That’d do. 

She stood and wet the cloth with soap and water and then went to him and gently wiped the blood that had dripped from his nose. He winced and she apologized softly. He didn’t stop her though, but just watched her as she worked on cleaning his wounds. 

“What happened?” she asked softly as she dropped the bloodied face cloth in the trash and opened the bottle of peroxide. She grabbed a cotton ball and placed it on top of the bottle. 

“There was a knock at the door,” he explained. “I was half asleep. I don’t know what I was expecting…”

“Do you have a peep hole?” Jane asked as she dabbed at the little cuts under his nose. 

“Yes.”

“Use it.”

“Well, yes, I get that now.”

She kneeled down before him and shook her head with a smile. “Loki, what am I going to do with you?”

Loki looked at her and felt his heart swell inside his chest. He wanted to tell her he had a few ideas of what she could do with him. All of them included a bed. Wisely, he kept the thought to himself and just shrugged. 

He wanted to touch her so he reached out to touch her face and then realized that was probably pushing it and instead took her hand in his. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she murmured. 

His gaze dropped to the black t-shirt she wore. His black t-shirt specifically. It was loose on her frame, her hair was mussed from sleep and some of her makeup was dark and smudgy under her eyes. To Loki, she was gorgeous still. 

“My angel,” he whispered. 

“Hardly,” she said. “You got beat up partly because of me.”

“Your uncle wishes to protect you. I understand that feeling all too well.”

She shot him a look as she got to her feet. “Ice or frozen veggies or steak…that’s what we need for your eye.”

Loki stood. “I’m fine, Jane.”

“But it will bruise badly if you don’t—”

This time he did touch the side of her face. He smiled best he could though his entire face hurt like the bloody devil. His stomach too, where Drax had first punched him when he’d opened the door. Hell of a way to wake up in the morning. 

He would have preferred to wake up to Jane beside him…his dreams had been filled with her all night as it was. 

“I’m fine,” he assured her. “But I will take the ice for you.”

She nodded, took his hand, and led him out of the bathroom. He wondered if she was even aware of what she did. She had to be. But maybe in her mind this was just one more thing she did to take care of him. He sighed. He wanted, for once, to take care of _her_. He was tired of feeling like the lost puppy she probably thought of him as. 

Once she’d gotten him a frozen steak (the only thing in his freezer besides ice), they returned to the living room. Jane sat down beside him on the sofa. Erik was now standing and perusing the place with the eye of someone that didn’t miss much. 

Erik Selvig was blond, blue-eyed, and had a slight paunch. His blue eyes were like ice when he looked at Loki and when he looked at Jane, they softened considerably. 

“Jane, what the hell are you doing?” Erik asked. 

She sighed. “Uncle Erik—”

“What the fuck are you doing with this hoodlum?” 

Hoodlum. Well, that was one word Loki hadn’t expected a mobster to use. And with all seriousness, too. 

“Aren’t you an engaged woman? You better not tell me that you’re stepping out on him with this thug because I know your parents taught you better than that, Janie,” Erik continued. His eyes narrowed. “Or has Thor stepped out on you? Because if he has, you say the word—”

“Uncle Erik, stop and let me talk!” Jane exclaimed. 

Loki couldn’t help but grin. She’d sounded a bit like a petulant brat there. It was adorable. 

“What are you grinnin’ about?” Drax growled, looking menacingly at Loki. 

Loki looked at him and glared as much as his swollen eye would allow. Drax glared back. 

“I know who you are, Loki Odinson,” Erik said and focused his attention on Loki. “What I can’t figure out is why my Janie is with the brother of the man she’s to marry, and why her future brother-in-law has her mixed up in his mess.”

“You know who I am?” Loki asked. 

“Of course I know who you are,” Erik said. “I knew Thor had a brother when I had him investigated. I know of the things you did to ruin him. I keep track of everything that affects my Janie. I stay out of it as long as she’s safe. This is the first time I’ve had to get involved and to find out it’s because of some punk like you? I am not pleased.”

“Uncle Erik, Loki isn’t the same man he was before,” Jane said. “He was in a car accident. A very bad one. He was in a coma for a week and when he woke up he had amnesia. He’s had a few things come back, but not everything.”

“You actually believe that?” 

Jane looked angry now. “ _Yes_.”

“Then what was last night?”

“May I speak?” Loki asked. 

“Please do,” Erik said and focused right in on him. Loki would be lying if he didn’t say having Erik Selvig’s full menacing attention wasn’t a little unnerving. 

He explained to Erik everything he’d discovered since waking up from the coma – leaving out the bits regarding Jane’s photo in his drawer, his feelings for her, being adopted, and Sigyn. He kept it strictly to what had to do with the gambling ring and Crane. 

“Why should I believe you?” Erik asked when he was done. “You were a shady punk before who did some pretty terrible things to his brother. Why should I believe this isn’t just some elaborate ruse for one of your twisted purposes?”

The mobster was passing judgment on him now? Interesting. 

“You have no reason at all to believe me, I get that,” Loki said. 

“And now you’ve involved my niece—”

“I involved myself,” Jane chimed in. “He didn’t know what the hell was going on, Uncle Erik. He didn’t know what he was doing or what he’d done. I was helping him sort it out.”

“Why?”

“He’s family,” Jane said as if Erik should just know that. “I care about him.”

“You said he was an asshole before.”

“He was,” Jane said with a shrug. “He’s not now.”

“Tell me you’re not having relations with him—”

“That’s enough,” Loki said furiously and got to his feet. “You can think what you want of me, Erik. You can think I’m lying. You can think I’m a punk. I don’t care. But I won’t have you making disrespectful comments about Jane. She has been nothing but kind to me since I emerged from that coma. She had no reason to at all; she could have left me to my own devices, but she didn’t. We are not having relations. Jane would never do something like that to her fiancée, and I would hope to hell that you would know that. She’s a lady. She’s a warrior. She’s an amazing woman, and I owe her everything right now. If you want to take me to task, do so, but leave her be.”

“Loki,” Jane said softly and tugged on his hand. 

Erik cocked his head to the side. “Well, well. Isn’t this interesting?”

Loki furrowed his brow. “What’s interesting?”

But Erik didn’t answer him, instead he said, “So then if you’re telling the truth you wouldn’t say no to a lie detector test?”

Loki shook his head. “No.”

Erik smirked. “Perfect. Drax?”

Drax pulled out a phone from his jeans pocket. “On it.”

Erik pointed to Jane. “Does anyone know you’re here?”

Jane shook her head. “Thor’s away on business.”

Erik looked relieved and held open his arms. “Got a hug for an old man who loves you?”

Jane practically flew off the couch and into her uncle’s arms. Loki’s heart wrenched when she heard Jane cry a little into Erik’s shoulder. What saddened her so? Him? What he’d gotten her involved in? The idea of Jane being scared and worried but putting on a brave face for him sickened him. 

“I’m sorry,” he heard Erik say to her. 

“It’s okay, Uncle Erik. I know how you worry.”

The two parted and Erik handed her a handkerchief from his pocket. “You know I hate it when you cry, Janie.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve just missed you,” she told him. “You know how it is. I only see you twice a year for crying out loud.”

“I know, pumpkin.”

Now Loki understood. It was the fact that she missed her uncle. Missed having a family. No wonder she was so determined to help him and kept going on about her and Thor and him being a happy family. She was longing for one. Now he felt like a cad for wanting more than that. How could he deny his Jane a family?

“You understand why I have to do this?” Erik asked her. 

Jane nodded and wiped at her eyes. “I do, but he’s not lying, Uncle Erik. You know my bullshit meter is pretty in tact.”

Erik grinned. “I know, but you’ve never had to deal—”

“With the things you’ve had to deal with,” Jane said with a wave of her hand and roll of her eyes. “I know. I’ve heard it all before. Just please, no more using him as a punching bag.”

Erik sighed. “Well, Janie, it all depends on how well he does.”


	15. Chapter 15

“This is so stupid,” Jane said to Rocket. “Why can’t I be in there with him?”

Rocket looked up from inspecting his nails at Loki’s kitchen table. “Why do you need to be in there with him?”

Jane straightened and folded her arms across her chest. She was standing in the doorway of the kitchen listening for any sign of movement from Loki’s study upstairs. Once Rocket and Peter had arrived with the lie detector test, Drax and Erik had dragged Loki up the stairs to set it up. Uncle Erik told her to stay out. Jane didn’t know why and she was more than a little peeved about it. 

She looked at Rocket. “Because I want to be there for support.”

Rocket snorted. “What are you gonna do? Hold him up? He’s sitting down.”

“You know what I mean, Rocket,” Jane said exasperatedly. 

“You in love with him or something?” Peter asked from where he was leaning back against the kitchen sink with a glass of water in his hand. 

Jane looked at him. “No, of course not! He’s my friend and future brother-in-law. I care about him.”

Rocket snorted again. 

“Something to say, Rocket?” Jane asked testily.

“What’s that fancy saying when someone’s blowing smoke? Methinks you doth protest too much.”

Jane arched her brow. “Wow, getting real classy there, Rocket. You doing some fancy learning these days?”

Rocket just looked at her and Jane looked away and sighed. In love with Loki? Where the hell did they get an idea like that? Were they nuts? 

“I ever tell you how I met Gamora, Jane?” Peter asked. 

Jane looked over her shoulder at him. “No.”

“I was dating a friend of hers. Her friend introduced us as all women like to do with their super hot boyfriends—” Rocket rolled his eyes, Jane smiled, and Peter kept talking. “Everything was fine with the friend. I liked her. But when I met Gamora all bets were off. We just clicked in a way I never had with anyone before.”

Jane turned and pointed at him. “Do you think that’s what’s going on with me and Loki, Peter?”

“Yes,” Rocket answered for him. “We do. You have a look with him.”

“A look, Rocket? Really? This is what you two are basing this on? A look?”

“And look at all you’re willing to do for him,” Peter pointed out with a shrug. “Not many people would stick their own necks out for a friend.”

”And future family,” Jane said. “People would do it for family.”

“Tell me, does Thor know any of this?” Rocket asked. 

Jane didn’t answer. 

“And do you plan to tell him?” 

Jane had no answer to that. 

“Your betrothed doesn’t even know about your uncle, but Loki does. Have you thought about that?” Rocket asked. 

“I got it, Rocket. Just shut up,” Jane snapped. 

He shut up, but he did look mighty proud of himself. And all Jane could do was consider her actions ever since this whole thing began.

xxxxxxxx

“Congratulations, Mr. Odinson,” Erik said to Loki as he stood with his arms folded, looking down at the polygraph on Loki’s desk. “It appears you’ve passed. But I know what a consummate liar you are according to my niece’s reports and my own digging.”

“You dug up information about me?” Loki asked, looking up at Erik. 

“Of course. I wanted to know what kind of family my niece was marrying into.”

Loki sighed. “I understand.” He pointed to the strips of material around his fingers and then his chest. “Can I take off now?”

“No. I have one more question.”

Loki didn’t like the sound of this. He braced himself. “All right.”

“How long have you been in love with my niece?”

Loki knew without looking how crazy the machine was going now. “I—I wouldn’t say in love. I just – I care for her a great deal. I don’t want her to come to any harm.”

“Oh? That’s why you’ve dragged her into this?”

“I didn’t want her to be any part of it. I didn’t want her to come with me last night. I wanted to keep her out of it so she would be safe.”

“Again – how long have you been in love with her?”

“My feelings for Jane are new and…and I don’t know what they all are. All I know is that I…I care for her.”

“A great deal you said.”

“Yes.”

“Do you have plans to try and steal her away from her fiancé?”

“No! I would not put Jane in such a position. I would never pursue her knowing her heart belongs to another.”

Drax looked up at Erik. “He passed that, too.”

Erik narrowed his eyes at Loki. “If you have no plans to pursue her, then what is it you plan to do with her?”

“I plan to be her friend. I plan to be her brother-in-law. I do believe that my former self, the person I was before the amnesia, was in love with her. Or loved her as much as my former self knew how. He didn’t seem to be a very good person.”

“He wasn’t. And that’s saying something coming from a man that does what I do for a living.”

Loki pulled off the fabric on his fingers and Drax helped him with the rest. “Erik, I don’t know what my plans were before, but I want to find a way out of them. I don’t wish to bring any harm upon anyone, least of all Jane. She told me how well you’ve kept her protected and I want to do the same. Please, tell me how.”

“Would you walk away from her if I told you to? To keep her safe?”

Loki felt that like a punch to his gut. His breath even caught at the thought of never seeing Jane again. 

Erik laughed. “You sure you’re not in love with her?”

Loki ignored the question. “If it meant keeping Jane safe I would walk away from her.”

“What the hell, Loki?” Jane demanded as she burst into the room. Rocket and Peter in tow. She placed her hands on her hips and glared at her uncle. “Uncle Erik, what are you making him do?”

“I’m not making him do anything. Not yet at least. I’m just finding out how deep his loyalties are to you, Janie,” Erik replied. 

“Loki, don’t let him bully you,” Jane told Loki warningly. 

“Jane,” Loki began, “If it meant keeping you safe—”

“Shut up. You’re not going walking away from me or whatever he’s wanting you to do. And I’m not walking away either. Uncle Erik, I appreciate all you’ve done to keep me safe over the years. I appreciate all you’ve done to make sure I got a good education, too. But I can’t let Loki handle this alone.”

“Not even if he had me?” Erik asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Are you saying he does?” she asked. 

“Not sure yet.”

“Well, if he doesn’t then no way in hell am I leaving him be. And if he does, then…then I can’t walk away then either. He’s family, Erik,” Jane said and her eyes welled up in tears. Loki got up and went to her but she held up her hand to keep him at bay. “Thor mourned the loss of his brother and now he has him back. They both have a second chance. I can’t – I can’t let anything happen to him knowing I could have done something.”

Erik sighed heavily. “And that is why I have to take him on. Because of you, Janie.”

“Thank you,” Jane said. She looked at Loki and attempted a smile. “He is a good man, Uncle Erik. I know he is.”

“Jane, please don’t cry, love,” Loki murmured. 

She wiped hastily at the tears that fell. “Sorry. If you’ll excuse me.” She hurried out of the room and Loki made to go after her. He was stopped by Erik saying his name. 

Loki looked at the other man. “Yes?”

“You’ll need to learn how to fight. I suspect your ‘former self’ knew how.”

Loki nodded. “I suspect that, too.”

“Then you’ll train. If you’re going to keep her safe, then you’re going to have to learn how to take care of yourself. And her.”

Loki nodded. 

“And we’ll need to find out just what the hell else you were involved in. If Crane comes by again I want you to find a way to ask him. Not directly, I think you were smart in not letting him know you had amnesia. Trust no one, Odinson.”

Loki nodded again. “What else?”

“Lay low if you can for now. We’ll do what we can to find out just what the hell is going on.”

“How?”

Erik grinned. “I have my ways.”


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Thor returning home seemed to coincide with Loki all but disappearing. Jane knew he hadn’t actually disappeared, but for a week they didn’t see each other at all. He had gone back to work and in his spare time, he trained. Fighting, gun lessons, and whatever else Uncle Erik saw fit for him.

Jane felt left out.

She felt that in not including her both Loki and Uncle Erik were telling her she was done now and they’d take it from there. As though she was weak and couldn’t handle it. As though she hadn’t done all the same training so that she could defend herself in this world.

It stung.

Hadn’t she proved herself? Oh, she knew Loki worried over her, as did her Uncle Erik. Her uncle had spent his whole life making sure what he did never touched her, but she had to admit that helping Loki piece together his life, assisting him in gun lessons and attending the underground gambling party with him had been, well, exhilarating.

It wasn’t that she wanted to be a mobster chick, but it had been a wake-up call of sorts that something was missing from her life. Something vital. And Jane hadn’t realized it until Thor came back and Loki went away and her old life resumed.

Thor asked if she’d seen Loki and Jane told him she had, leaving out - well, everything. Rocket’s words came back to her regarding all that Loki knew about her Uncle and the things she knew about the dark underbelly of Boston and mobsters, and all that Thor didn’t know.

She had to tell Loki though, she reasoned. She knew enough about that “other” world to understand the things Loki had discovered and make sense of them. Her uncle may have not wanted her to be part of his world, but that didn’t stop him from having others teach her about it. She suspected they told her the tales of his exploits to scare her away. Instead, she’d imbibed the information as any good scientist would. It made her see the world differently, see people differently. Sometimes what one saw on the surface was not what they were at all.

Loki had taught her that the hard way. When they’d first met and he’d begun to hang around her and Thor, she thought he was kind and yet cunning. He was charming, had a rapier wit, and had been so intense she often wondered if it was just plain exhausting being him. She’d always suspected that something dark twisted beneath the surface of what he showed her, but she’d never thought he could be so incredibly diabolical. Hurting Thor the way he did, undermining him and trying to destroy him while he, Loki, spent nights at their apartment laughing with them, making Jane feel like he could be the brother she’d never had.

However, if she was honest with herself, she could admit that a time or two she thought perhaps Loki had a bit of a crush on her. The way he always helped her in the kitchen, washed the dishes with her while Thor watched television, helped her serve dessert and make the coffee. He had been her shadow. Then he’d taken to visiting her when Thor wasn’t there, as if he knew when his brother wasn’t around. He flirted with her, Jane knew it, but she had a feeling he flirted with everyone – even men if he thought it would benefit him in some way.

And then, after his deceit had been exposed she’d realized it had all been for show. If her and Thor’s apartment was the Garden of Eden, then Loki had been their snake. He’d played a part so they wouldn’t suspect how he’d undermined and put in place a plan to sabotage Thor.

She’d been so angry and so hurt when Thor had called to tell her what Loki had done. She remembered ordering him out of the apartment and out of their lives. She remembered still the pain in his eyes when she told him she knew what he’d done. And then regret. Why pain and regret? This was of course before she told him what a deceitful snake he was, that he didn’t deserve a brother like Thor and a family like the Odinson’s if all he was going to do was act like a selfish, spoiled child.

Then Loki had shown her his true colors and lashed out at her. Telling her how vacuous she was, how dull and plain she was, how she would never be able to keep Thor because he’d grow bored of her in time. Anyone, he’d said, would grow bored with her for she had nothing to offer.

His words had stuck with her for a very long time. They still came back now and again when she felt less than sure of herself. When she thought of Thor traveling so much for business and the women he could meet.

Jane wondered now if the reason she felt compelled to help Loki was in part to prove herself. She was strong and capable; she had skills and secrets of her own and she was not dull, not vacuous – she had much to offer anyone.

It all begged the question: why did she care what Loki thought of her? Why couldn’t she get Rocket’s accusations out of her head, and now that Thor was back, why did she find herself comparing the brothers? Why did she feel something lacking now?

Her life with Thor had been fine. _Oh God,_ she thought. _**Fine?**_ Shouldn’t she be thinking how happy her life was? How content? Now all she could do was look back and think about the times she felt discontent, bored even.

“Jane?”

Jane looked up at Thor. They were in the living room together. He was watching ESPN and she was thumbing through a magazine. A magazine that she’d apparently given up reading. “Yeah?”

“Where are you?”

She bit her lip. “Not sure. You know, I think I’m going to hit the gym.”

Thor looked puzzled. “Now?”

Jane nodded. Usually if she went to the gym it was directly after work. But she knew that Loki would be at her uncle’s gym. That Peter would be training him. She wanted to see Loki because she missed him, because some part of her was angry with him for dropping her, for not thinking her capable.

Well then. She’d show him.

xxxxxxx

 

Loki was breathing heavy as he leaned on the ropes in the boxing ring. He knew Erik “owned” it through extortion because that’s what Peter told him. According to Peter and Rocket, the employees there were a mix of those who worked for Erik in illegal ways, and those that had no clue about the stuff that went on behind the scenes.

He was glad he was training tonight with Peter and not Rocket. He still had bruises from the night before with Rocket. Peter went a little easier on him. Rocket was more about strength, whereas Peter was more about skill and dexterity. He supposed he should be happy that he didn’t have to fight Drax. Yet.

“Take a break,” Peter said. “I’ll get us water.”

Loki nodded and sat down on the stool in the corner of the ring. He took the fingerless gloves off and sighed as he looked up at the ceiling of the gym.

He missed Jane. As with any spare moment he got the past week, he thought of her. He hadn’t been able to see her between starting back to work and then training afterwards, but he thought of her all the time. He needed to make time to see her tomorrow. He felt as though some part of him was missing without her.

“Loki.”

He looked down at the sound of her voice and wondered if he had somehow conjured there. But no, she was there. In tight gray capri’s and a tight navy blue t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. She ducked under the rope and placed a duffel bag in the opposite corner of the ring.

Like a moth to a flame, Loki got up and went over to her as she opened her bag and took out a pair of gloves that matched his own. “Jane, what are you doing here?”

She strapped on the gloves and looked up at him. “I came to work out.”

There was an edge to her and he didn’t know why. He placed a hand on the side of her face. “What’s going on?”

“I want to spar with you.”

His eyes widened. “What?”

“You heard me.” And then she pushed him, causing him to stumble back a bit.

His brows furrowed. “Jane?”

“I want you to spar with me like I’m Peter or Rocket.”

Loki shook his head adamantly. “No.”

“Yes.” And she pushed him again.

“I won’t hit you,” he told her.

She swung. He blocked her. His eyes went wide. She smiled, and then swung with the other hand. He blocked that too. She kicked and he kicked his leg out to stop it.

“What’s going on here?” Peter asked as he came back into the ring.

“Stay out of it, Peter,” Jane said and feinted to the right only to swing with her left. Loki blocked her hit deftly and held up his hands. “Jane, no.”

She punched him in the stomach. Loki glared at her. “I don’t want to fight you!” he shouted at her.

“Why, because I’m a girl? Because you think I’m weak? Because you think I can’t do it?”

“No—”

“Fuck you!” she shouted and threw a roundhouse kick. Loki slammed his hand down to stop it and caused her to lose her balance. She went down and used her prone position to sweep his legs out from under him. He fell on top of her and they both grunted.

Loki placed his hands flat on either side of her shoulders and made to move off her when they came back.

His memories.

It all came back. Some of it played out like a movie in his mind. He heard voices, snatches and pieces of information came in a wave and he gasped. He remembered finding out Crane was embezzling money and blackmailing him into partnering with him to start their own “business”. He remembered taking the bulk of the money from Crane, having offshore accounts, not trusting Crane because he was addicted to cocaine. He remembered considering having Crane killed.

He remembered his hatred of his father and Thor. The latter for being a shitty father and the former for being the Prodigal Son and having what he coveted more than even money and power. 

He looked down at Jane beneath him.

Jane. His precious Jane.

Jane, who was engaged to Thor. Jane, who he loved. Adored. Worshipped. Desired. Jane, who hated him.

“Loki?” She was looking at him with furrowed brow and panting slightly. “What’s wrong?”

He met her eyes and she stared at him for a minute. Her eyes widened and she pushed him off her and scrambled away. “You remember?”

He nodded as he looked at her, still on all fours. “Yes. I remember. I remember everything – what I was planning, what I did—“ He broke off and narrowed his eyes. “How did you know?”

“There’s a darkness in your eyes that wasn’t there before. Do you – do you feel all what you felt before, too?”

“Do I feel that Odin is a shit father and that Thor is—” he broke off he remembered something else: Thor was having an affair on Jane with a woman in another state and Loki was blackmailing that woman. For more money. For more power – power over Thor, over Jane…it was up to him to decide if and when Jane found out about Thor’s affair. It was up to him to decide if and when he would ruin Thor’s life completely. What held him back was Jane. For as much as she thought him a monster, he still didn’t want to see her hurt.

Jane got to her feet and Loki watched her as he slowly got to his. His old self and his new self felt at war with each other inside him. He could not forget the new memories. The ones of Jane helping him, of trusting in him and believing he was now a good man. Unlike the man he was before the accident.

“You got your memories back? Just like that?” Peter asked.

Loki nodded, keeping his gaze on a spooked looking Jane. Her eyes darted to the side. She was going to bolt.

“Dude, this is big…” Peter muttered. “Christ. I don’t know how Erik is gonna feel about this.”

“I’ll tell him myself,” Loki told Peter.

“Well you better tell him soon—” Peter broke off when Jane grabbed her duffel bag and cleared the ropes.

“Jane!” Loki shouted and darted after her.

He caught up to her at the door and grabbed her arm, turning her to face him. “Jane, why are you running away from me?” he demanded.

“Because I don’t want to see it again.”

“See what?” he asked in confusion.

“Your hate.”

He laughed softly and shook his head as he reached out and caressed the side of her face reverently. “Oh, Jane. You have no idea.”


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

She smacked his hand away from her and glared at him. “I do have an idea.” She turned to leave, but Loki grabbed her again. 

“We’re not done here, Jane,” he told her. 

“Yes, we are.”

“No. I have some things to say.”

“Well, you’re back to being bossy I see,” she snapped. 

“Why are you so angry with me?”

She didn’t answer him. 

”Jane, I don’t hate you. I feel nothing of the sort. Nothing has changed save for the fact that I am in possession of my memories.”

“You hate Thor again.”

“To be fair I wasn’t keen on him without memories either.”

”But—”

“You thought we’d be one big happy family.”

She made a face. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m just a naïve child being silly for hoping that yes, we would be.”

He smiled gently down at her. “You’re not naïve. You’re an optimist. I’ve always admired that about you.”

“Why does that sound like an insult, too?”

“Because you’re determined to think the worst of me now that I have my memories back. Jane, nothing has changed.”

She looked unconvinced. “I need to get back home.”

“Thor’s home from his trip?”

“Yes.”

Loki leaned in closer to her, bending his head toward her. “Did you miss me? Is that why you came down here tonight, hmm? To see me?”

She ignored him and turned to leave. Loki fisted in his hand at his side to stop himself from grabbing her again. He pursed his lips together to keep from saying something derogatory about Thor. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Jane,” he said. She paused with her hand on the door. _Stay, Jane,_ he pleaded her in his mind. _Stay with me, please._

But she didn’t. She left. 

Pre-accident Loki would have lashed out and covered his hurt by raging at her.

Post-accident Loki without memories would have let her go, accepting her decision.

Post-accident Loki with memories wanted to tell her not to go home to a man that didn’t deserve her. He wanted to tell her what a complete prick his brother was, but he didn’t want to say hurtful things about her. His feelings about certain things had not changed – like his disgust of Thor, extreme dislike of his “father”, and his almost obsessive love for Jane. But one thing had changed: how he related to her and was going to from here on out. 

Jane had become his friend. He’d gotten closer to her than ever before and he was not going to lose that. He would not lose her. Unlike his self without memories though, Loki did plan on somehow, someway, making her his once and for all. 

“Uh, Loki?” Peter said from behind him. “What the fuck is going on?”

xxxxxxxxxx

Jane stared up at the ceiling wide-awake long after Thor had fallen asleep. She relentlessly picked at a stray cuticle on her right hand as she thought about Loki having his memories back and what it meant for all of them now. 

The good news was that he would be able to tell them what he’d been up to. She frowned. If he wanted to. Uncle Erik wouldn’t give him much of a choice though. Not now that he was involved. But Loki being Loki could decide to be a pain in the ass about it. 

The other good news was…

There was no other good news, none at all. Loki having his memories back meant he would slide back into being an asshole. 

Tears stung Jane’s eyes at the prospect and her obvious visceral reaction to it stunned her. Had she gotten that attached to amnesia Loki?

Yes. Yes, she had. 

He said nothing had changed, but it had. Maybe he hadn’t fully assimilated all aspects of himself when he’d said that. She supposed he had some thinking to do now that his memory was back. 

Jane rolled to her side and let the tears fall. _Please,_ she thought, _please don’t let him go back to being an asshole._

xxxxxxxx

“Jane, that guy is here again to see you,” Bruce told her when he returned to the lab. 

Jane looked up from the notes she’d been taking. “He is?”

“Yep.”

“It’s not Thor?”

“No, because I know who Thor is and I would have said ‘Jane, Thor is here to see you’. I wouldn’t have said that guy is here to you.”

Jane nodded and put her pen down. “I’ll be quick.”

“No rush.”

Her heart thumped hard in her chest as Jane made her way out of the lab and into the hall. Loki stood there, dressed in black pants and a white button down. His hands were in his pocket and he was leaning back against the wall. When he saw her, he smiled and pushed away from the wall, taking his hands out of his pockets. “Hello, gorgeous,” he said and wrapped his arms around her. 

Jane stood there stiffly. “What’s happening?”

“I’m hugging you,” he murmured with a husky laugh. “Will you hug me back?

Slowly, Jane moved her arms to hug him back. 

“That’s my girl,” he said softly and kissed her temple. “I’m to see your uncle today. I told him you would be coming with me. Do you mind?”

Jane detangled herself from his arms and looked up at him. “What are you going to tell him?”

Loki sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “To start, that I have my memories back.”

“Can you tell me what you were up to…?”

“I can, but not here,” he replied looking up and down the hallway. He took her hand. “Come with me. Let’s go find another empty classroom.” 

He kissed the back of her hand as they walked together down the hall and Jane was too busy trying to read him to respond to it. When they got to the same classroom Jane had took him to before, Loki pulled her inside and closed the door behind him. He smiled as he came over to her standing awkwardly in the middle of the classroom. He pressed his finger between her brows. “You get this crease right here when you’re trying to figure something out. It’s adorable.” He then tugged on a strand of her hair. “I’m not turning on you, Jane.”

“Or my uncle?”

He shook his head. “No, definitely not. I’m cocky, but not entirely stupid. He wouldn’t hesitate to lodge a bullet in my brain if I dared to cross him.”

She winced at the thought and his smile widened. He tapped the tip of her nose. “You still care for me.”

She looked down at her hands. “So, what it is you had been planning on doing?”

“Quite simple, really. I wanted to start my own kind of organization.”

Her head snapped up. “Are you crazy?”

“Possibly.”

“Do you have a death wish?”

“Sometimes.”

That startled her. “What?”

He waved a hand. “Forget it.”

“How in the world did you think you could start your own organization in fucking Boston, Loki? Were you not aware that there were other organizations already in place? Are you that arrogant to think that – wait, of course. You _are_ that arrogant. You don’t just start an organization, Loki. That’s not how it works.”

“I had some ties…”

“Where?”

“My birth father.”

Jane’s eyes went wide. “You know him?”

“No. He’s dead. But, you know how it is with these people, Jane. It’s all in who you know, or who you even sort of know.”

“That’s not a firm basis, Loki, and I think even you know that.”

“My father was feared,” Loki said defensively. “He was respected.”

“Whom did he work for?”

“Your uncle.”

Jane stepped back as if Loki had pushed her. “He was killed…?”

“Doing his duty.”

“Were you planning to use that to align yourself with my uncle?”

“Yes, for a time.”

“For a time? You were encroaching in on his territory.”

”Combined, we would have been a force.”

“Been. You don’t plan to do that anymore?”

He gestured to her. “How can I now?”

She furrowed her brows. “I don’t understand.”

“First, I knew that I couldn’t just walk up to any of the mobsters in this city and hand out a business card, saying I’m interested in joining their organization. Plus, working for someone else has never really been my thing.”

Jane folded her arms across her chest. “That sounds like you.”

“In order to get their attention, you have to do something big. The gambling ring was enough to garner some attention from your uncle. When I got his attention, I’d tell him whom my father was, perhaps play on his sympathies considering how my father died and how I was put up for adoption. I’d even tell him I wanted his attention if that’s what it took. I could show him after Friday night just how profitable I could make his organization. After I got in, I’d find a way to take over completely.”

“By having him killed.”

Loki sighed and nodded. 

Jane stepped up to him and slapped him across the face quickly, before Loki could even react. “You’re an asshole,” she hissed. “And for the record? My uncle would have put a bullet in your head before he’d trust scum like you. You were playing Russian Roulette, Loki, and you would have lost. Your arrogance really knows no bounds, does it?”

His grin slowly blossomed across his face. “You underestimate my charm and my acting skills.”

“I hate you,” she spat. 

His grin fell and the Loki she knew before, the one with the dark menacing look permanently etched on his face was right there, glaring at her. “No, you don’t, Jane. Not anymore you don’t. Don’t ever say that to me again.”

Jane looked away from him, still shaking in her anger. 

He came closer to her, invading her space. When she tried to move away, he placed a hand on her hip to keep her in place. “Jane, listen to me. I didn’t know then that Erik was your uncle. I didn’t know any of that. He hid it so well that not even the investigator’s I hired could dig that up. If I had known, I wouldn’t have done it. And obviously I can’t continue with it now.”

“Who are you kidding?” she asked, looking up at him. “You would have continued on because it’s all about money and power for you. You’d do anything to get those things, no matter who you hurt.”

“No. Not at the risk of hurting you that much. I couldn’t do that.”

“How in the world would what I feel matter if it got in the way of your plans?”

“You don’t know? Truly? Sigyn laid it out for you in very colorful detail.”

Jane placed a hand on his chest to keep him from coming any closer. As it was already, he was practically on top of her. “Loki, stop.”

“No,” he said deeply. “I’d give up everything for you, Jane. Money, power – it means nothing to me. I’d give it all up for you. I’d live in a cardboard box if it meant I could have you.”

“Loki—”

“You are my heart and my soul, Jane Foster, and without you I have been so lost. You were right about the accident being a second chance. It was. It’s given me the chance to prove to you that I can be a good man. And I want to be, for you. I will do anything your uncle asks of me if it means that I don’t lose you.”

“You don’t even have me,” she protested. She was scared now. Her body was trembling and she knew she should walk away from him and stop this madness, but she couldn’t make herself do it and she hated that she couldn’t. 

Loki dug one hand into her hair and cupped the back of her head, bringing her in close until their foreheads touched. “I will,” he whispered.


	18. Chapter 18

Jane was reeling. That’s what she surmised when she couldn’t stop making mistake after mistake after Loki left. Bruce told her she was all over the place and told her to leave early. Jane didn’t argue with him. She left and went to get ice cream at an ice cream shop downtown the block. She called Thor while she was there to let him know that she would be coming home late from work. For some reason, this lie felt worse than the others and she didn’t know why. And then he told her that he would be staying late at the office anyway, so it didn’t matter. For some reason, that irked her all the more. 

So, after she got her ice cream and ate it there, she went for a long walk to Boston Common and sat on a park bench watching the ducks and thinking about Loki gaining his memories, her fears of what he would do now – how he would act toward her now – and then his confessions about how he’d truly felt about her. 

It was different hearing it from Sigyn because Loki then had no clue he’d been so, for lack of a better word, obsessed with her. He’d had an inkling, but not the whole picture, and quite frankly Jane had believed he only felt those things because she had been the one helping him piece his life together. She hadn’t believed he really felt those things for her. 

But now he’d all but confessed that he had and still did. Plus, he seemed rather sure of himself that he’d get her to belong to him. Some part of her thought that was just Loki talking big, and the other part of her was concerned that he’d meant it. 

When it came time to meet Loki at his apartment, she hailed a cab there and met him in the parking garage. Right away he could tell something was bothering her. “What’s wrong?” he asked as he pushed the button for the elevator. “You’re tense. Why are you tense?”

“I’m fine,” she muttered and folded her arms across her chest. 

“You’re clearly not.”

“Loki—”

“Are you still upset with me for getting my memories back?” 

“Not everything is about you.”

“Is it Thor then? Work?”

She shook her head, just willing this conversation to end. The elevator arrived and they stepped on together. Jane retreated to the back and rested her head against the wall. 

She looked sidelong at Loki as he pressed the button for his floor and noted the changes in him now. Post-accident Loki without memories wore his clothes a bit self-consciously. He’d even commented a few times that he didn’t seem to own anything casual. He wore the clothes in his closet because they were just there. Now, he wore them with confidence. He wore them as though they were a second skin. He stood straighter, taller, and looked self-possessed in a way he hadn’t before. He was definitely back, and Jane was still unsure of him. 

“Maybe it is a little bit about you,” she said finally. He said nothing. “It took some time to get used to a Loki that didn’t have his memories and therefore didn’t put me down every time he saw me, and now it’s going to take some time to get used to a Loki that has his memories and still isn’t going to take me to task for breathing the same air as him.”

“I never want to go back to that place, Jane. Things have changed now, and you know it.”

“I won’t lie, when you had amnesia and I was helping you figure things out it was…”

“Fun. You had fun.”

“Yeah. You spent so much time making me feel like shit every time I saw you that it was nice to prove to you how useful I was even if you didn’t know how useless you thought me.”

Loki came over to her then and took her hands in his. When she tried to pull them back, he held on. “I’ve no excuse for the things I said to you. They were terrible and they were in no way a reflection of what I really felt and thought. I’ve never been great with emotions, especially love. I didn’t know what to do with it, how to handle it. I fucked up everything so badly and it was clear that you loathed me…I lashed out as only I know how to do. I thought maybe I could force myself to truly hate you.”

“That’s really…”

“Fucked up?”

She smiled thinly. “Yeah. I guess by your logic it makes some sense, but not in every day normal people logic.”

He chuckled. “Yes, I suppose you’re right.”

“Something I never thought I’d hear you say,” Jane laughed and found herself watching him closely, wondering if he would snap at her. 

“Jane, stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m going to turn on you at any minute. You’ve got your guard up.”

“Can you blame me, Loki?”

“At some point you will have to trust me. You trusted me without memories.”

“Surely you can see how that Loki was different.”

“Yes. He was but a puppy. Fragile, you called me.”

“I knew how to handle that Loki.”

He smiled just as the elevator doors dinged open. He dropped her hands. “You hold my heart in your hands, Jane. I’d say that gives you the power you no longer think you have over me.”

Now she felt terrible. She followed him out of the elevator and down the hall with a frown. “I don’t want power over you, Loki. I hope you don’t think that’s all our time together was all about.”

“Admit it, Jane. You liked being in the position to know that which I did not. That’s not to say you lorded it over me, but it made you feel confident in my presence whereas before you tried to make yourself as invisible as possible.” He shook his head. “As if I would never notice you in the room.”

“Fine, yes, it did make me feel powerful in a way that I hadn’t before and it woke something up inside of me that I hadn’t realized was there. But that wasn’t just because you were… ‘fragile’. It was because I got to utilize some things that I hadn’t been able to use before.”

“I know,” he said and placed his hand on the small of her back. “Again, you had fun. And I got to see a side of you I hadn’t seen before.”

What had possessed her to tell Loki all that? What had compelled her to admit to him that she’d had fun helping him piece together his memories? 

“Nothing has to change, you know,” he told her after they’d entered his apartment and he’d flicked on the lights.

“You don’t think so?”

He came over to her, standing so close she could smell his cologne. “No. Despite the fact that this is a bit of a mess—”

“A bit?”

“I still think of us as partners.”

She couldn’t help but smile, a bit sardonically. “Oh, is that what we were then? Partners.”

“You don’t think so?” he murmured as he ran a hand down her arm. 

She shivered and he smiled. She ignored his reaction to her tremble and said, “I guess we were.”

“See? You mustn’t fight me on everything now, Jane. I think you’re being contrary just to test your boundaries and see what it will take to make me snap.”

Jane hated that he was partially right. “Okay, okay. I’ll try not to treat you any differently now.”

His smile was sly as he lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed her thumb. “Some things can change, Jane,” he purred and then kissed her pointer finger, middle finger – and then she snatched her hand away. 

“Loki, I’m still engaged to your brother regardless of how you feel about him,” she told him and started to walk away. He grabbed her about the waist and pulled her to him, close against his body. Her breath hitched and he leaned in close, so close Jane could nearly feel his lips on hers. 

“Loki—”

“He doesn’t deserve you. Does he know the fire you have inside you? Does he know how truly glorious you are?”

“Loki,” she said and was appalled that she sounded breathless. 

“Do you have any idea how hot it was to watch you handle my gun? How much I wanted you despite the fact that you knocked me to my ass?”

“If you don’t watch it, I’ll do it again,” she told him, trying desperately not to sound like this was getting to her. 

His smile was challenging and excited. “Please do.”

Jane shivered again at the sound of the husky timbre to his voice. It sounded so full of promise. 

“Loki!”

Jane pushed away from him at the sound of Drax’s voice coming through the door. She walked practically to the other side of the room in order to get herself together. _You are an engaged woman_ , she scolded herself. _What the fuck is the matter with you?_

She was irritated with herself for reacting to him in such a way. She rubbed her forehead in frustration and then plastered a smile on her face when she saw her uncle walk through the door. 

“Janie,” he said with brows raised. “You realize this goes against our usual protocol.”

Jane nodded. “I know. This isn’t exactly the beach in Maine.”

“Would anyone like anything to drink?” Loki said. 

“I would just like to get down to business,” Erik said. He nodded to Loki. “I hear you have your memories back.”

Loki nodded, looking a little less confident. “I do.”

Erik jammed his hands in the pockets of his dress pants. “And you’ve called me here to tell me what exactly?”

“Everything.”

Erik arched a brow. “Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

“And I’m supposed to listen to you and believe everything you say.”

“I would hope that I proved myself to you when I took that lie detector test. I didn’t lie to you then, and I have no reason to lie to you now.”

“Drax, get the machine,” Erik said without taking his eyes off Loki. Drax left again. “I trusted that Loki. It’s this version of you I’m not sure about.”

“I’ve nothing to hide, Erik. Not anymore.”

“Why is my niece here?” 

“I wanted her to be here,” Loki replied. 

“To protect you from me in case you tell me something I don’t like?”

Loki chuckled. “Well, that’s a perk I hadn’t thought of, but no. Jane’s been part of this since I started trying to piece it all together, and though I have told her everything I remember regarding my plans, I thought she might like to be present.” 

“Do you think of her as some kind of partner, Loki? Or leverage?”

Loki made a face. “Leverage? Against what? You? No. I would never put her in that danger.”

“Oh?”

“You asked me last time how long I’ve been in love with Jane,” Loki said. 

“You did?” Jane blurted out, looking at her uncle. “Why would you…?”

Erik kept his gaze on Loki though. “Yes?”

“I’ve been in love with her from practically the moment I met her,” Loki said reverently. “I want to put things right so that I can be the man that she grew to like and care for when I had amnesia. I want to be worthy of her affections.”

“She’s engaged,” Eric reminded him. 

“That she is.”

Erik cocked his head to the side. “I also asked you if you’d walk away from her if it meant keeping her safe. Would you do that now?”

Loki swallowed hard and looked at Jane. Jane moved forward and stood beside Loki. “Uncle Erik, let’s not start this crap again.”

“Well, Loki?” Erik said, ignoring Jane. 

“I would prefer to not walk away,” Loki said slowly. 

“Ah, so some of that ruthlessness has indeed come back.”

Jane stepped in front of Loki. “Honestly, Uncle Erik, Loki hasn’t even told you what his plans had been and you’re already on the defensive.”

“I haven’t made it this far, Janie, by putting my trust in everyone that says ‘Trust me’. I know better. I know what a little shit he was and the things he did to his brother. I just want to know what kind of man I’m involved with here. Is he a man that just says he will do the right thing or is he a man that will actually do the right thing.”

Loki placed a hand on Jane’s shoulder. “Darling, it’s all right. I understand your uncle and where he is coming from. Erik, I would prefer not to give Jane up. However, if there was a chance I endangered her in any way, I would.”

“I’m not made of fucking glass,” Jane snapped at the both of them. 

“Jane, I know that,” Loki said, “but I’m not about to put you in a situation where the possibility is there for you to shatter.”

Jane folded her arms across her chest and glared at both Loki and then her uncle. “I’m in this already and until I decide I’m out I don’t want to hear another fucking word about giving me up or walking or anything like that. I know where your gun is, Loki, and I’ll shoot you both if I hear this shit one more time. Do I make myself clear?” She looked first at Loki then her uncle. 

Her uncle chuckled and shook his head. “I told your mother she should never have encouraged you to speak.”

Loki came over to her and whispered, “There’s that fire I love so much,” before walking away and heading into the kitchen.


	19. Chapter 19

After Erik asked his questions and Loki answered all of them and then some, Erik finished with a simple, “I’ll be in touch.”

“What does that mean?” Jane asked exasperatedly. 

“That means, Janie, that Loki has given me a lot to think about and I want to talk to my men before I make any plans on how to proceed,” Erik told her. 

She didn’t look exactly pleased by this, but she didn’t argue. 

“I would tell you to keep your distance,” Erik went on to say, “But I feel as though my advice would be ignored.”

Jane nodded and shrugged as if to say, yes, pretty much. 

Erik hugged her and nodded to Loki and he left, Drax in tow. 

“Is there anything else you want to tell me?” she asked Loki, her arms folded across her chest. 

Yes. Your fiancée is cheating on you with a woman in another state, he thought. You don’t deserve him. Loki still hadn’t worked out how to tell her that little tidbit of information. It would devastate her and he couldn’t bear the thought of her heart being broken. Nor could he bear her living a lie. It appeared he was between a rock and a hard place. 

“Loki?” she prompted when he stayed silent too long. 

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

She frowned and knit her brows together. “My uncle—”

“Jane?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to talk about this mess any longer, all right?”

She nodded and sighed. “Well, I suppose I should be going then.”

“What? No.”

“Yes. It’s getting late; I’m starving, and Thor—”

“Is no doubt still working.” He moved to stand before her. “Stay.”

“No, I can’t. I really—”

“I’ll make you dinner.”

She found this amusing and emitted a short laugh. “Make? You’ll _make_ me something? _You_?”

He frowned. “All right, I’ll call for take out.”

She smiled and shook her head. “No, but…thank you.”

He sighed. “There is nothing I can say to convince you to stay?”

“No,” she said softly. “I need to think.”

“Just as long as what you’re thinking is favorable to me,” he half-teased. 

“Do you think you can manage to stay out of trouble for the rest of the night?” she asked, tilting her head to the side. 

“Yes,” he promised. 

She smiled and went to the couch to grab her purse. She was at the door when Loki said her name. She turned to face him. 

“Has anything I told you,” he said, “about how I feel about sunk in?”

She pursed her lips together and shifted on her feet. “Perhaps we should put a pin in all that.”

“I see,” he said nodding. “Fine then. We will. For tonight.”

“There is one thing,” she said and bit her lip. 

“Yes?”

“Don’t you think that perhaps you should let your brother know your memories have returned?”

“Shall I send him an email?” he quipped. She shot him a look. “No? How about a singing telegram?”

“Loki.”

“He’s still a giant oaf that doesn’t deserve you.”

She arched a brow. “And you do?”

“No, I don’t. I’ll never deserve you, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying.”

She sighed heavily and rubbed her forehead. “Loki…”

“I know, I know. I’ll stop. Fine then, how would you like me to tell Thor?”

“Well, maybe you could come over for dinner again? Maybe you could try…”

“I tried without memories and I still wasn’t a fan. Now you want me to try again with them back?”

She shrugged. “What can I say; I’m a glutton for punishment.”

“You’re stubborn, Jane Foster.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

“You are a glorious creature and I believe the Gods themselves do weep over your perfection.”

She looked floored by that for about a minute and then she rolled her eyes. “Wow. You’re good. Is that how you got Sigyn?”

Loki scoffed at that. “I never flattered Sigyn. I did not care for her the way she wanted me to, and I think we both know why.”

“And on that note, I am leaving. Good night, Loki.”

He smiled. “Good night, dearest.”

She had one foot out the door when she stopped, turned, and said, “FYI – don’t be saying that crap tomorrow night in front of Thor, okay? The last time you two had one of your ‘rows’, holes were put in the walls.”

Loki sighed and made off that she was asking him and arduous task. “Fine then, I shall not speak of my love for you.”

“Loki, I’m serious! Cut it out!”

“Fine then. I won’t say anything untoward.”

“Thank you.”

“I shall only think them.”

She rolled her eyes again and walked out, exclaiming, “You’re impossible!” but there was laughter in her voice and Loki held onto that. 

*********

The only sound in the Foster/Odinson dining room the next evening was the scrape and clink of silverware against plates. Jane lifted her glass of wine and looked at Loki pointedly. He had arrived ten minutes before dinner in what Jane had suspected was an avoidance tactic. 

Why did she bother? Why did she try? Hadn’t she learned by now that getting the Odinson brothers to get along was a lost cause? Hadn’t Loki told her as much already? Why was she pushing this?

“Loki has his memories back,” she blurted out. 

Thor stopped mid-bite and put his fork down slowly. “Excuse me?”

Loki laughed deep and low. “Apparently, Jane wanted to get this all out in the open.”

“How did you find out?” Thor asked her. 

“Jane has been most helpful with any questions I have,” Loki answered. He looked at Thor pointedly. “You’ve been gone.”

Thor frowned. “I apologize.”

“No need to. I know the demands of the job. I worked there once. Remember?”

“Loki,” Jane said and shot him a look. 

“So, now you what? Remember that you loathe us? Or just me?” Thor asked. 

“Just you,” Loki said simply. He grinned and sipped his wine. “I find I’m quite fond of Jane.”

“Oh?” Thor said and looked down the table at Jane knowingly. “And is this a new development from when you had amnesia?”

“Oh, no. I liked Jane before amnesia, too.”

Jane put her fork down and shook her head. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” she muttered. 

“I knew it,” Thor growled. He pointed at his brother. “The way you’d follow her every movement—”

“The way he’d insult me and call me names – yeah. Total love there,” Jane said sardonically. She got up and grabbed her plate. “Jesus Christ, Loki.”

“What did I do?” Loki asked innocently and got up as well. He made to follow Jane, but Thor got up and moved to block him. 

“You’ve always had a thing for her, haven’t you?” Thor demanded. 

“So what if I have?” Loki asked, his eyes narrowing. “You’re the one engaged to her, what does it matter what I feel?”

“You just can’t let me have something of my own without wanting it, can you? Poor Loki feels he’s been given the shaft his whole life and feels the need to take everything I have to make himself feel better. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t actually he want it, he just want to be able to take it away from me.”

“That is not how I feel about Jane,” Loki seethed.

“Isn’t it? I wouldn’t put it past you to have pretended to have amnesia the whole time just for the sympathy. Just to see what you could get out of everyone – including Jane.”

“I did have amnesia you sodding bastard.”

“I’m not the bastard, you are,” Thor hissed. 

“Thor!” Jane exclaimed. 

Loki pushed Thor to the wall behind him, his hand around his neck. “You’ve always enjoyed that, haven’t you? It made you feel superior to me, better than me. It didn’t matter the successes I had because as far as Odin was concerned you were his blood and that trumped everything else. It made you feel better knowing that at least you had Odin on your side while I had Mother on mine.”

Thor shoved Loki off him, breathing heavily. “You made your own goddamn bed, Loki. You did all you could to turn Father against you due to all your imagined slights. The company, Jane – you’ve wanted everything that was mine.”

“I don’t want Jane because she’s yours; I want her because she’s an amazing woman that is too good for the likes of you.”

“And you think you deserve her?” Thor asked and then laughed. “You’re the dirt under her shoe.”

“What are you then? Some kind of hero?”

“Yes,” Thor hissed. “Hers.”

“What about Sif then, Thor? Are you her hero as well?”

Thor froze. “What?”

“Tell me – when you were away on ‘business’ did you make a stop in Michigan to see Sif? Or was the business part a complete lie so you could spend some time with your mistress?”

Silence fell. And then came Jane’s quiet, “What?”


	20. Chapter 20

_fucking idiot,_ was Loki’s first thought. He shut his eyes and sucked in a sharp breath. This gave Thor the opportunity to punch him in the face with enough force to knock him back and on his arse. 

Thor was vibrating with anger and had that challenging look in his eye, daring Loki to fight back ,to make a move, to do something. 

Jane, God, Jane, she was just standing there with this confused look on her face. He could see the wheels turning in her head. He could practically see the words rolling over in her mind. She looked at Thor. “What did he say Thor?”

Loki climbed to his feet and touched his bloodied lip. He waited. 

“How did you know?” Thor demanded of Loki. 

“Did you think you could hide your secrets from me?” Loki asked. “I had a look at your travel records and I noticed Michigan was a favorite of yours to visit. I investigated why.”

“You are unbelievable!” Thor roared. 

“You have a mistress?” Jane asked, softer now. She sounded smaller, too, and the tears that formed in her eyes broke Loki’s heart. How many different ways was he going to hurt this woman? This woman he claimed to love above all else? 

“Jane,” he began and stepped toward her. 

Thor intercepted him. “Stay. The fuck. _Away_. From her.”

“Then talk to her you bloody fucking wanker!” Loki practically screamed at him. 

Thor turned to her and reached out one meaty paw in her direction. “Jane,” he implored her gently. Jane backed away and shook her head. 

“Is it true? Just tell me if it’s true,” she said. 

Thor hung his head and nodded. “It’s true.”

She brought one hand to her mouth and covered it, a sob escaping. “We’ve been— no I’ve been – planning a wedding and all the while you’re having an affair with some bimbo in another state?!”

“It means nothing—” Thor began. 

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Jane demanded. “How long has it been going on?”

“Jane—”

“Loki, how long?” she asked, not taking her eyes off Thor. 

“About a year,” Loki murmured. 

“A year. You’ve been having an affair for a year,” Jane said. “We set a date and started making plans for our wedding a year ago. So…why?”

Thor didn’t answer. 

“Why?!” she shouted. “Because you could, for the thrill of it, cold feet? Tell me!”

“Cold feet, it was cold feet.”

“For a whole fucking year? Why the hell did you propose then?”

“I love you—”

“Bullshit! You don’t cheat on the woman you’re supposed to love, you ass. How did you meet her, huh? One of your business trips?”

“Yes,” Thor said softly. “She works for a company that does business for mine.”

“Oh, well, isn’t that just perfect?” she snapped. “Do you love her?”

“No, not the way I love you.”

“What the hell does that even mean? You have feelings for her, Thor, yes or no?”

“Some, yes.”

“Some. Well, isn’t that nice. Is that where you were this last business trip? Were you with her?”

Thor sighed heavily and nodded. “Yes. You were making plans for the wedding – the cake, the down payment at the Harbor Hotel for our reception and—”

“And shut up. Just shut up,” Jane said and ran her hands through her hair in agitation. She gestured to Loki who was watching her like a hawk. “And you? You knew?”

Loki nodded gravelly. 

“Why would you have that investigated? Why would you even care?”

“I wanted to know what he was up to,” Loki said. It was a shoddy explanation, but he didn’t think telling her that he needed to know what his brother was up to in case there was anything shady he was doing that Loki could use against him was the best thing to say. 

“So you could keep tabs on him in case you could use anything against him, is that it?” 

Loki should have known his Jane would guess his real motivation right away. “Yes.” To tell or not to tell that he was blackmailing Sif?

“So you, what? Just filed the information away?” Jane asked, her eyes narrowing. 

She was suspicious of him, and rightly so. “I blackmailed Sif.”

Thor lunged at him, and this time Loki was ready and simply moved to the side to avoid being hit again. That didn’t deter Thor and he made to go after Loki again until Jane punched him hard on the arm and gained his attention. When Thor looked at her in surprise she seethed, “Get the _fuck_ out of my house.”

“My name is on the lease,” Thor protested. 

Jane arched a brow. “Is that what you want to do, Thor? You want to challenge me? I can make your life a living hell; I would tread carefully if I were you.”

Thor held up his hands. “I’ll go. I just need some things.”

“You have more than enough money; you can buy what you need.” She smiled, twisted and dark. “Don’t worry. I’ll pack for you.”

“Jane, please, just listen—”

Jane smacked him across the face. “I don’t have to listen to a damn thing you have to say, nor do I want to. Get out.” She looked at Loki. “And you can follow him.”

Loki wanted to protest, but he knew better. It was best to comply with Jane’s wishes at the moment, but he wouldn’t give up on her. 

He would never give up on her. 

xxxxxxxx

“What did she say exactly?” Loki asked Dr. Banner the following afternoon, after Loki asked to see Jane.

“If I clean it up it’s not really a sentence,” Dr. Banner replied. 

“How does she seem?”

“She’s been fine to me, but I have had to wrestle some equipment away from her before she broke them…”

“So, she’s angry.”

“She’s practically feral.”

Loki sighed. “And she won’t see me at all.”

“No, I think when she heard your name she actually started to foam at the mouth.”

“Why don’t you send her home?”

“I tried, but I’m not pushing her! I value my life.”

Loki nodded. “She gets off at five, right?”

“Yes.”

Loki nodded. “Then I’ll see her then.”

xxxxxxxx

Jane practically stomped out of work later that evening with a scowl that at this point felt permanent. She was trying to dig into her purse for her keys at the same time she was walking out and not having any luck. When she finally made it outside she let out a roar of aggravation and threw her purse to the pavement. 

“Feel better?”

She looked up to find Loki standing beside some bushes and she glared at him. “Go away.”

“No. I want to talk to you. I want to explain—”

“Explain what, Loki? That you decided to fuck with Thor and me by having him followed or whatever the hell you did to find out he was having an affair? That you then decided to blackmail his mistress because why – to have something to lord over Thor?”

“Yes,” Loki said softly. 

“And you wonder why I have a hard time believing you when you tell me you love me. You don’t know how to love.”

“You’re absolutely right.”

That gave her pause and she just looked at him. 

“The only one I have ever truly loved was my mother,” Loki said and moved closer to her. “She was the only one that was pure of heart. Thor was corrupted by Odin and Odin was corrupted by his greed and power.”

“Sounds familiar.”

“That was a low blow.”

“I think you’re exempt from taking issue with that comparison. You decimated my life last night, Loki.”

“No, I wasn’t the one that did that. Thor did. I just,” he made a fist and clenched his jaw, “I opened my goddamn mouth and let my jealousy and my rage get the better of me.”

“What you did was despicable, regardless of the fact that Thor was the one having the affair. What was your plan with the information? Were you just waiting for the right time to tell me he was having an affair? Or were you just going to blackmail that bitch to kingdom come?”

Loki sighed. “I didn’t know what I was going to do. I thought I would tell you. Not directly, but with some pictures of them, but then I couldn’t bear the idea of hurting you.”

Jane snorted. “Sure.”

“I mean it. At first I thought my jealousy would propel me to tell you, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t. I hated that you were with Thor, that he would have you—”

“I’m not property, Loki.”

“I am every terrible thing you think of me, Jane, but I am trying to be the man you deserve,” he said fervently. “I am trying to make things right between us.”

“That’s part of what hurts so much, Loki. Outside of the fact that the man I was ready to spend the rest of my life with was cheating on me, the friend I thought I had in you was keeping something from me. You had opportunity to tell me—”

“Did I? Between getting my memory back and needing to tell your uncle about everything that I’d done, did I really have a chance?” He moved closer to her and was encouraged when she didn’t bolt. “Does it help to know I couldn’t think of anything else and I was trying to figure out how to tell you? I didn’t want to hurt you and I didn’t want you to hate me for what I’d done. The man I was, the man that blackmailed Sif and wanted control over Thor by having his dirty secret has changed. I’m sorry, Jane. I’ve never apologized and meant it to anyone but my mother. Please, forgive me.”

Her eyes welled up in tears and she squeezed her eyes shut. She had spent the whole night crying, how was it possible she still had tears left in her? 

“Jane,” he said softly and she felt him place a hand on her shoulder. 

“Loki, don’t,” she said, and her voice cracked. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.” He attempted to pull her close. “Jane, please, I’m sorry—”

“Don’t start ‘Good Will Hunting’ me,” she said and moved away from him. “I just need some time, Loki. I have a lot to process; I have a wedding to cancel, and family to tell…” She started to cry then and Loki was on her in two strides. He pulled her into his arms and held tight, stroking her hair. 

“Jane,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry. Not only because of what I did, but because of the pain you’re in now. You’re better than all of us, you know? My little warrior.”

“I’m not a warrior. I’m the woman that gets cheated on.” She looked up at him, tears in her eyes, and Loki’s heart ached. “She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?”

“She’s nothing compared to you.”

She rolled her eyes. “You lie.”

“Quite often, but not to you. Not anymore, and not about that.” He dug a hand in her hair and brought her forehead to his. “You’re a Goddess, a—”

Jane pushed out of his arms. “Loki, stop. I don’t want to be romanced. I don’t want flowery words. I want to wallow right now. I want to eat a pint of ice cream and pizza and Chinese food and hate myself for it.”

“I can do all of that with you. Have you packed up his things? I can hire someone to come in and take care of it.”

“No, I want to take care of it, because everything but his pictures of his father and Mother is going in the dumpster. I plan on taking great joy in tossing his things out.”

Loki smiled. “I see. Will you call me and let me know you’re okay?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you forgive me?”

“I don’t know. Not yet.”

“Give you a ride home?”

“No. I want to walk.”

Loki nodded. “All right. Good night, Jane.”

“Good night, Loki.”

He started to walk away and then stopped and turned around. “Just for the record? She has mosquito bites for tits.”

The sound of Jane’s soft laughter made him feel a little bit better.


	21. Chapter 21

Jane wasn’t sure why she answered the phone when Thor called. Perhaps she was a glutton for punishment. That had to be the reason because she felt compelled to ask him the nitty gritty details – what was different about Sif, what did she give him that Jane didn’t, was the sex that hot that he just couldn’t get enough? Thor didn’t want to answer her, and some things he didn’t, but in not answering he gave her the answers she sought and in others allowed her imagination to run free (which was probably worse).

It was when he suggested that they try to work this out that Jane lost it. “Work it out? Work it out?! How are we supposed to work this out? I could never trust you, not ever. Not after this.”

“Does any of this have to do with Loki?”

Jane’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“Just hear me out.”

“I’m listening,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Remember when I said that I thought Loki had feelings for you?”

“Yes.”

“And he all but admitted it last night.”

“Get to the point, Thor.”

“That night when I told you that I thought Loki had a crush on you, I noticed something going on between you – and it wasn’t just one way. There was something between you both, some kind of weird connection that hadn’t been there before.”

“Don’t you fucking dare blame my mistrust in you on Loki. Don’t you dare blame the fact that you’re a coward and cheater and that’s why I won’t give you another chance on anything that may or may not be between Loki and I.”

“I just wonder if there isn’t something there, Jane. You’ve been different since he got amnesia.”

“How the hell would you know?! You’ve been with your mistress for most of it!”

“You were different when I came home. Preoccupied, distant…”

“I’m done with you and I’m done with this conversation. If you want your things they’re in the dumpster behind the building.”

“What the—”

“I have the pictures of your Mother and Father and they’re in an envelope that I will be mailing to you. I suggest you do whatever it takes to get my name on the lease because you’re not getting this apartment. You blew this relationship to hell; you do the heavy lifting and move. If you don’t, I will make it happen. There are things about me you have no idea about Thor Odinson, and I wouldn’t push your luck by fucking me over even more.”

With that, she hung up and allowed herself one last cry over Thor Odinson. And then went for whatever liquor was in the house.

xxxxxxxx

It was ten when there was a knock on Loki’s door. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the door and got up. He went to the door, treading lightly and peered through the peephole.

Jane.

Loki immediately opened the door and found Jane leaning with one arm braced on the wall. She was wearing a tight black dress and she’d put makeup on – a bit sloppily – and dark.

“ ‘ello, Loki,” she said with a grin. “Whatcha doin’?”

His brow furrowed. Was she drunk? She pushed off the wall and sailed past him into his apartment. She kicked her shoes off – flats – and went straight to his kitchen. Loki had no choice but to follow. She wasn’t teetering on her feet so Loki wasn’t sure if she was intoxicated.

Then she took out the bottle of wine in his fridge, got out two wineglasses, and poured them wine. All the while she was smiling dazzling at him.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on, love?” he asked after he’d sipped his wine.

She leaned over the island in his kitchen, giving him an incredible view down her dress and said, “What do you mean? I came to visit you. You wanted to hang out earlier.”

“I didn’t expect that you would don a dress for the occasion. Tell me, did you throw Thor’s things in the dumpster in that getup?”

“No.” She straightened and came around the island to press herself against his side and place her hand on his chest.

Loki looked down at her braced himself. He had a feeling he knew what was coming and he had to be strong. When she leaned up and in towards him, Loki stopped her. “Jane, no.”

“What’s wrong?”

“For one, you’re drunk. For another, it’s not me you want. It’s revenge on Thor.”

“You’ve wanted to get back at Thor for years, what’s the problem?”

“Not like this, Jane,” he told her and walked away from her.

“Don’t you want me?”

He laughed sardonically. “Wanting you is not the problem, but I want you the right way. I want you to want me because of me, not because you want to hurt Thor.”

“Well, fuck,” Jane said and slid down to the floor. She leaned against the cabinet and looked up at him. “You know, pre-accident Loki was a lot less noble. Could I have him back tonight?”

“Pre-accident Loki didn’t have your friendship. He was lost in his rage and his hatred and his jealously.”

“Are you telling me that all your rage, hatred, and jealousy are just gone like that?”

He sighed. “Yes and no. I still think my father is an asshole and my brother is a dolt and a mindless follower who can’t think for himself…but I don’t have that burning desire to devote my life to ruining them.”

“Is it possible to do that? I mean, it’s what drove you forward for so long and then to go without it cold turkey?”

“Are you pushing me to continue on that path, Jane?”

“No, it’s not that, it’s just…I guess I don’t understand. You were on the warpath for so long and every move you made and everything you did was to stick it to them in some way. Now that’s gone and you just what – want the house and 2.5 kids and a dog? What is your driving force now? What is it that you want that pushes you forward?”

“You.” He smiled. “Just you. You temper that beast inside me.”

“That’s kind of a heavy load for one person, Loki.”

“I think you can handle it.”

“Can I? I couldn’t even keep Thor happy.”

“That’s because he takes after his father.”

Jane looked at him in surprise. “Seriously? He…on your mother?”

“I know of at least one or two incidents.”

“Holy crap.”

“You would be surprised some of the things I could tell you about our family.”

“Loki?”

“Hmmm?”

“What will you do if in the end I don’t choose to be with you?”

He laughed. “Oh, Jane. You will.”

“You know you’re apartment is really big.”

“Yes?”

“And yet the size of your ego is bigger. I’m surprised it can fit through the door.”

He chuckled and sank down on the floor across from her.

“Did the amnesia help? Did it help temper your rage, hatred and jealousy?” she asked.

“Yes. It was a bit like a time-out. I didn’t have any of it because I didn’t have any of it to remember. Just the odd gut feeling of ‘he’s irritating’—”

“Thor.”

“Yes. And ‘I like her’.”

“Sigyn.”

He barked out a laugh and she smiled. “When my memories came back I remembered the things that made me angry, but I didn’t feel them in the same way. And then of course there was the fact that you and I shared something we didn’t have before.”

“Gun lessons.”

“The foundation of any good friendship,” Loki said as he moved to sit beside her on the floor now.

She heaved a sigh and rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“For coming over here in this stupid dress with the intent to seduce you.”

“Don’t ever apologize for attempting to seduce me. And when you’re mine, Jane, you can seduce me any time you wish. Though I’ll think you find me more than a willing participant.”

“I am still angry with you just so you know.”

“So you’re multi-tasking.”

She giggled. “Yes. Ugh, where’s that wine?”

Loki got up, grabbed the bottle off the counter and handed it to her. “I’ll get you a t-shirt.”

“For what?”

“For you to sleep in. I’m appalled that you came over here while intoxicated and I’m certainly not letting you go back home drunk.”

She sighed. “I don’t have it in me to argue with you, so okay. Just one thing?”

“Anything.”

“Can we order Chinese food? I’ve had pizza, ice cream, beer, and wine, and now I want Chinese food.”

“You’re going to throw up.”

“No I won’t. My stomach is made of iron.”

Two hours later, Loki was waiting outside his bathroom listening to Jane throw up. When she emerged, she looked pained and small in one of his t-shirts. He simply took her hand and led her to his bed. She crawled in and he pulled the covers over her. When he made to go, she grabbed his hand.

“Will you stay for a while? Until I fall asleep?” she asked.

He nodded, swallowing past the lump in his throat. “Of course. May I lie beside you?”

She nodded and turned on her side as Loki took off his robe, leaving him in a black tank top and green pajama bottoms. He climbed in beside her on his bed and lay on his side so he could see her. She reached out and placed her hand in between them and Loki covered her hand with his. She smiled and shut her eyes and Loki laid there for a long while watching her sleep until he succumbed as well.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-two

When Loki awoke the next morning it was to Jane on her belly beside him, her face turned toward his and one arm stretched out across him with her hand over his chest. He smiled at the sight and placed his hand over hers. 

She stirred a bit, moaned, and then opened her eyes and looked at him. She blinked and her brow furrowed slightly and he knew she was piecing together the night’s events. Then, finally, clarity. She shifted again and pulled her hand out from under his. “So…this happened.”

“We didn’t—”

“I know. You were a gentleman.”

“It wasn’t easy to say no to you,” he admitted. 

She smiled. “It was best that you did though.” She rolled onto her back, stretched, and stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t even deal with all the things I have to do to cancel this wedding. And why do I have to do it? He should be the one to have to since he’s the asshole that cheated on me.”

“Then make him do it.”

“I can’t. He doesn’t have a clue about any of the planning I did and I don’t want to call him and tell him either. The less interaction I have with him from here on out, the better.”

“I’ll help you in any way you need.”

Her eyes welled up in tears. “Can you tell me what I did wrong?”

“Jane—”

She turned onto her side. “Don’t tell me what I want to hear. Don’t tell me that he’s just an oaf and all that jazz. Tell me truly. What did I do to make him cheat?”

Loki moved closer to her and wiped her tears away with his thumb. “Truly? You did nothing wrong. I just think it’s part of his nature. I know it sounds trite – it’s not you, it’s him – but in this case it is true. Jane, you did everything for him. You supported him, defended him, took care of him—”

She reached out and placed her hand on his chest and Loki knew that it was an unconscious action. It pleased him greatly. “Maybe I lost myself.”

”Do you think you did?” he asked and covered her hand with his. This time, she did not pull away.

“Partly. Maybe I tried too hard. I never felt quite…settled. Maybe he felt it too – well, he must have or he wouldn’t have strayed. Maybe I’m not adventurous enough in the sack or something.”

“I doubt that’s it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you’re full of fire and passion. There is no way you’re a cold fish in bed.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Hey now, I never said ‘cold fish’, I said maybe I wasn’t adventurous.”

“Was there anything you weren’t game for? Maybe you were too much for him.”

She snorted. “No, I doubt that. Besides, isn’t the mistress the one you do all sorts of crazy stuff with? You’ve seen her; does she look like the type to let him do all sorts of nasty shit to her?”

“Define ‘nasty shit’,” he said in amusement. He was even more amused when she reddened. 

“You know, oh owner of the handcuffs. Sigyn painted quite the picture of your bed play…Lokey Pokey.”

“That’s it,” Loki said and reached out to tickle her. Jane attempted to scramble away from him, but to no avail. It didn’t help that she was laughing so hard it weakened her. Loki straddled her and took delight in finding the places that made Jane laugh and squirm. 

“Uncle! Uncle!” she gasped and he stopped. Took in their position. Him straddling her. His shirt that she wore riding up over her thighs. Her hair spread out on his bed. Her smiling up at him. How many times had he imagined her thus? Too many times to count. His heart ached inside his chest. He loved her so damn much…

He bent to kiss her, to taste her as he’d dreamed of for so long, but she stopped him by putting her hands on his chest. She shook her head. “No. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Kissing you wouldn’t be right? I guarantee I can prove how very right it would be.”

“It wouldn’t be right after you were such a gentleman last night and saved me from myself. I’m not in the right frame of mind. You said you wanted me to come to you when I wanted you for you. Well, I don’t want to kiss anyone until I don’t feel like such a hot mess.”

Loki moved delicately off of her. He was hard and he knew she saw it, but she didn’t say a word. He sat down on the edge of the bed and willed his erection to go down. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, and he heard her moving around behind him. 

He waved a dismissive hand. 

“I’ll just, um, shower now” she said. 

She was halfway to his bathroom when Loki said her name. She turned to look at him. 

“Jane, just so we’re clear…you won’t be kissing just anyone when you’re ready. You’ll be kissing me.”

She bit her lip but didn’t say a word. Just simply turned and headed back to the bathroom. 

xxxxxxxxx

“What the fuck?!” was the first thing Loki heard upon leaving the bathroom after his shower. He rushed to the railing and looked down and found Crane prone on the ground and Jane above him in a fighting stance. 

Loki threw on his robe and ran down the stairs. “What’s happened?” he asked as he came up to Jane. He looked down at Crane whose nose was gushing blood. 

“I think your bitch broke my fucking nose!” Crane shouted. 

“Don’t you dare call her that,” Loki snarled at him. 

“She fucking punched me!”

“What did you do to her?” Loki countered. 

“I was leaving and he was right there in my face,” Jane explained. 

“You were going to leave without telling me?” Loki asked her. 

She looked at him. “I left you a note.”

Loki scowled at her, but let that bit pass. “What did he do to you?”

“He was in my face asking me how much I charge and if I did anal and a bunch of other crap that I didn’t appreciate.”

Loki bent over and pulled Crane up by his shirtfront. “You’re lucky all she did was punch you. I’ve a mind to rip your throat out. Apologize to the lady.”

“Are you kidding me?! What happened to bros before ho’s?” Crane sputtered. 

“Apologize. To. The lady,” Loki seethed.

Crane looked at Jane. “I’m sorry.”

Loki let go and Crane slumped to the floor. He scrambled to his feet and glared at Loki. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

“What do you want, Crane?” Loki asked. 

“Forget it now.”

“You came here for a reason. What is it?”

“I said forget it.”

Loki narrowed his eyes. “Is it money? Do you need money?” 

Crane shook his head and walked out, holding his nose. 

Loki shut his door and frowned at Jane. “Are you all right, love?”

“I’m fine,” she said and flexed her hand. 

Loki came over and took it, inspecting it. “You punched him, eh?”

She nodded as she watched him run his fingers over her knuckles, which were a bit red. “Yeah. Um, Loki?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have prostitutes over often?”

“No.”

”Okay, let me rephrase that: have you had prostitutes over at all, ever?”

He sighed. “Yes.”

“Ew. Why?”

He shrugged. “Company. Sex.”

“Sigyn?”

“This was before Sigyn.”

“Okay, maybe Sigyn didn’t care about where you’d been before but I can tell you that before you even think about sticking that in me—” She broke off abruptly, clamped her mouth shut, blinked, looked to the side and then back at him. 

Loki broke into a slow, wide grin. “Yes, Jane?”

“I don’t know what that was,” she said and started to back away. “I’m gonna go home and change and…yeah.”

Loki grabbed her before she could go very far and pulled her into his arms. He pressed his forehead to hers and she gripped his shoulders. “You’re thinking about it. You’re thinking about us.”

“No, I—”

“Yes,” he whispered. 

“It’s your fault. You’re always talking about it and…”

”And?”

“And I don’t know,” she said weakly. 

“Can I tell you what I know?”

“I don’t think I would be able to stop you.”

He chuckled. “Probably not. So, this is what I know: you feel it. This thing between us. The connection we have. I’d like to think it was there before, when we first met which was why I tried to stop the sabotage of Thor, but I am—”

“Wait. What?”

Loki lifted his head and looked down at her. “Oh. I never told you that bit, did I?”

“That would be a resounding no.”

“Well, then. Do you have some time, darling? Or do you need to rush off?”

“For this, I will make some time.”


	23. Chapter 23

Loki handed Jane a cup of coffee and sat down beside her on his couch. She was curled up with a blanket over her legs and inhaled the aroma of the coffee with great delight. She sipped it and then looked at him as if to say 'proceed'.

"As I told you before when I had that memory of when we met at the charity ball, I was attracted to you instantly," he told her. "We shared that brief conversation and I learned that you were the Jane Thor was engaged to."

"I remember," she said softly.

"I know you do," he said with a sad smile. "You were – and are – to me, the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on."

"So it wasn't my mind you were drawn to?" she teased.

"Oh, there was that, too. You are fabulous at verbal sparring."

She smiled, clearly proud of herself.

"I wanted you," he said simply. "So, you can imagine how I felt when I realized that you were engaged to Thor."

"It was after that night that you started coming around. Almost every night."

"Yes, of course. I wanted to be near you. Had to be, actually."

"Had to be?"

"I've never been the sort of man to do things in half-measures, Jane. I want with a hunger that I don't think other people possess. Wanting to be near you has always felt like a bone deep need. A necessity. I _craved_ you. I still do."

"Oh."

"My attempts to run Thor out of the business and take over were already in motion," he continued, "And when I realized that I was in love with you and that if I succeeded in ruining Thor at the company, you would no doubt despise me."

"I did," she said softly.

"I know. I tried to stop it, Jane, what I had already put in motion. I knew I might never have your love, but I knew I could not bear to have your hatred."

Jane placed her mug down on the coffee table. "So then what happened? Why couldn't you stop it?"

"It was too late to stop. I couldn't do it. I had created something that was out of my hands at that point. I know after all that I've done you've no reason to believe me, but it's true."

"Why didn't you say something then? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Would you have believed me? I was caught out and it had all come to light what I had been trying to do. Would you have believed that I tried to stop it? And what would you have said had you known that I didn't try to stop it for him; I tried to stop it for you?"

She considered this for a minute with pursed lips and then sighed. "You're right. I wouldn't have believed you. You were over our apartment nearly every day, Loki. You had dinner with us, watched movies with us, and laughed with us. Thor was thrilled and I thought I had a brother in you."

Loki made a face. "Brother. I don't want to be a brother to you, Jane. I never did. I visited you and Thor to be close to you. I had no desire to be close to my brother."

"How do I know you're not lying to me now? Just to make yourself not look as evil as you were."

"Because I haven't lied to you since I lost my memories and I don't plan to start now."

"I still wish you had said something then," she said quietly.

"If I had thought for a minute that you would have been receptive I would have. But when Thor called you and told you what I'd done you ordered me out of your house and made it quite clear what you thought of me. Your anger and your 'rejection' of me caused me to lash out."

"Oh boy did you. And you didn't quit."

He moved closer to her and took both her hands in his firm grasp. "You have no idea how sorry I am for the things I've said. I never meant any of them. Not one word."

"I know that now," she said softly. "You know, I don't think you tried to stop it for me. You tried to stop it for you. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with you just not wanting me to hate you." She tried to pull her hands out of his, but he wouldn't let it go.

"Jane—"

"Your moral compass hasn't always pointed North, Loki. I've always been aware of that," she told him. "People who decide to become head of their own mob don't exactly have a firm grasp of morality. Your pattern has always been mayhem and chaos wherever you go."

"And yet here you are."

"Yeah, here I am."

"See, Jane, I think you're my moral compass."

She laughed softly. "No, I'm not your moral compass, Loki. I may keep you from doing things that you shouldn't because you don't want to upset me, but it's not that I've instilled in you why what you do is wrong. There is a marked difference."

"A small one," he said with a shrug. "Isn't it at least important that I don't do them because I want to make you happy?"

"In a roundabout way, yes. What happens when you get tired of that though? How long can you go against your nature and be happy?"

"If I have you? Forever."

"I have my doubts."

"Well, maybe my ultimate evil plan is to corrupt you."

She laughed. "Good luck with that."

"I don't know, it's a slippery slope after involving yourself in my affairs already."

"Did Sigyn know anything about what you were doing?"

"No. She knew I had money, she guessed it wasn't all by honest means, but I didn't involve her in anything. I didn't trust her to keep quiet."

She nodded slowly and Loki could tell she was thinking something that she didn't quite know how to voice. Finally, though, she did. "Did you really…" She bit her lip. "Did you really pretend Sigyn was me?"

"Yes."

"I almost feel bad for her."

"Don't. She's no doubt found someone else by now."

"Loki, can you tell me what your father and Thor have done to make you so angry? I've heard Thor's side, even Odin's, but never yours."

Loki sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I will tell you all you want to know, but only if you agree to dinner with me tonight. I'll tell you then."

"Tonight?"

"Tonight. I want to take you out, Jane. Will you let me?"

"Like a date?" She sounded uncertain.

"Exactly a date. What do you say?"

"Don't you think it's in poor taste for me to go on a date with—"

"He cheated on you for over a year."

"All right, so we're going on a date."

xxxxxx

"You're going on a date with your ex-fiancée's brother," Darcy said. "That's um…"

"Weird? Wrong? It's wrong isn't it? I feel like it's wrong."

"Thor cheated on you for over a fucking year. It's not like you're cheating on him."

"Yeah, but Loki is still his brother. I don't want to be that girl that goes through both brothers."

"Don't they hate each other?"

Jane sighed. "That makes it worse somehow, not better."

"But you like Loki now don't you? I mean, you seemed to at the dinner party you had."

"I do…"

"I sense a 'but'."

"No, no but, just…" Jane sighed again and sat down on her bed. Immediately upon returning home and changing she'd called Darcy for advice. She needed someone to talk about this with.

"Spit it out, Jane."

"I'm just not sure what I feel for Loki. I like him, and I think I like him more than I should."

"Who says you shouldn't like him? You're a free woman now, Jane."

"But I…I think I was feeling things all along for him. These past few weeks since his accident I spent a lot of time with him and I just…I don't know anymore." In frustration, Jane flopped back on her bed and sighed again.

"Jane, listen to me, you're doing that thing you do when you try to analyze every little thing and put everything in it's place and define it. You can't do that with feelings. Feelings are messy and murky and not always easily definable. Give yourself a break, geez. You just broke up with your fiancée after finding out he cheated on you for over a year. Why don't you just take it all one day at a time? There is no reason to rush to define something that you're not sure about. Just relax."

"Relax?" Jane huffed. "You remember who you're talking to?"

"Yes, I do. You like spending time with Loki?"

"Yes."

"You want to go tonight because you want to spend time with him?"

"Yes."

"Then that's all it is. Two people hanging out because they want to. Just do me a favor."

"What?"

"Shave your legs."

Jane sat up. "What?"

"Shave your legs."

"Why?"

"Just in case stuff happens."

"I thought I was taking this one day and one step at a time?"

"You are. But if things naturally progress to the boudoir, you want smooth legs to wrap around that waist of his."

Jane shook her head. "I'm not going to sleep with him, Darcy!"

"Just shave your legs."

"I'm hanging up on you now, Darcy."

"Have fun! Shave your legs!"

"Bye!" Jane called out and then ended the call. "Shave my fucking legs," she muttered and went to find something to wear for tonight.

xxxxxxxx

When Jane answered her door hours later to Loki, she gulped. He'd gotten a haircut. His hair now fell just past his ears, and not quite to his shoulders. She could still see some curl to it and she longed to run her fingers through it. He wore all black again, but with a white and black scarf around his neck, and a long black coat. He looked devilishly handsome and when he smiled at her and ran his gaze over her form, she shivered.

"Hello,darling. You look positively blinding," he said.

And Jane, who couldn't stop staring at Loki and thinking how gorgeous and dangerous he looked, said the first thing that came to mind: "I shaved."


	24. Chapter 24

Loki wasn’t sure what to do with that information, but she didn’t give him much time to react for she moved forward and ran her finger through some black locks at his neck. She smiled. “You got a haircut.”

“I did,” he said huskily and grabbed her hand. He kissed her fingers then her palm. He wanted to trail kisses up her bare arms –

“You look very handsome, Loki.”

“Thank you,” he managed to say around the lump in his throat. Hearing any kind of praise from Jane always rendered him humbled and speechless. Just as the sight of her in the dress she was wearing did. It was a green strapless dress that was cut to show off her magnificent legs in the front and then flowed long in the back. “New dress?” he murmured.

“Yeah, I went shopping…you’ve already seen me in all the two black dresses I own.” She went red. “That’s putting too much thought into tonight, isn’t it? Or - well, you did call it a date, but maybe—”

“Maybe you should stop overthinking so much, Jane. It is a date. And I hear it’s customary for women to buy new clothing for dates. I even cut my hair for it and you said you shaved…”

She reddened further and turned away. “Oh my God, don’t embarrass me even more than I’ve already embarrassed myself. I’m going to look like a tomato with hair.”

Loki laughed and pushed his way inside her apartment, still holding onto her hand. He kicked her door shut with his foot and then leaned down and placed a kiss at the base of her neck. He breathed in her delicious scent and smiled when she shivered and clutched at his shoulders. He felt…dizzy. Drugged on Jane. He trailed kisses up her neck to her ear and he tugged on her lobe with his teeth.

“Loki,” she gasped.

“Shall we go?” he murmured in her ear.

She nodded.

“Do you have a wrap to cover yourself with?”

She nodded again.

“Are you sure you want to go?” he breathed and drew her against him.

She pulled back and looked at him pointedly. “Yes.”

Shortly after that, they were off.

“Where are you taking me?” she asked once they were settled in his car.

“I’m taking you to Pigalle.”

“In the theater district? That really ritzy French restaurant?”

He grinned. “Yes.”

She thwacked him on the arm and he laughed. “How did you even manage to get a reservation?” she asked in wonder. “I mean, that place is always booked!”

“I know the owner.”

“Of course you do. Wow, Loki. Is this how you impress all your dates?”

“Nope, not at all. I don’t go on many dates.”

“Did you ever take Sigyn there?”

He laughed and shook his head. “No.”

“Did you take her anywhere? And by that I mean anywhere that was not your bedroom.”

“Jane?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to talk about Sigyn tonight. Or at all, really. I don’t want to talk about my past with women. I want tonight to be about us.”

“Okay,” she said softly.

“Even if there isn’t an us… yet.”

She laughed softly. “Yet. There’s that Loki self-assuredness I know so well.”

Once they arrived at the restaurant – which included valet parking – Loki guided Jane inside with his hand on the small of her back.

“Loki Odinson!” a tall man with dark hair and a moustache approached them. He had a bit of a French accent and he was dressed in a suit. He held out his hand to Loki and Loki took it with a smile and said, “Etienne, nice to see you. Thank you for putting something together on such short notice.”

“For my best customer? Of course,” Etienne said with a grin. “Allow me to show you to your table.”

Etienne guided them to a table that was for the most part secluded in one corner of the restaurant. Jane was barely cognizant of Loki’s hand at her back for she was too busy taking in her surroundings. It was dark inside, but not too dark and the colors were brown and cream with chandeliers over every table that looked like bursts of stars. The tablecloths were of the finest linen and the silverware shown in the light. Soft and melodious jazz music played in the background adding to what felt like a seductive atmosphere.

The table Etienne led them to what was actually a booth and Jane slid in from one side, while Loki slid in from the other. They met in the middle, their shoulders pressing against each other. Jane smiled at Etienne as he placed their menus down. He smiled back. “I will bring you our finest white wine, yes?”

“Is that all right with you, Jane?” Loki asked.

“Yes, thank you,” Jane said as she carefully removed her wrap and placed it beside her.

Etienne departed and Jane felt Loki’s hand on her back, gliding from the center of her back down to the small of her back. “Well? What do you think?” he asked.

“I think it’s beautiful here, Loki. I’m a bit overwhelmed,” she admitted. She didn’t want to mention Thor and how in the beginning of their courtship used to take her to places like this, but as time went on he didn’t romance her so much anymore. His idea of a date after they were engaged was going to Hooters or Sonic before heading into a show. Not that she required fine dining all the time, but it was nice sometimes to get dressed up and go out. Thor hated to go out and reserved those times for when he had a client to wine and dine.

“Why overwhelmed?” he asked, handing her a menu.

“I’m not sure exactly,” she murmured and sat back into the booth. She felt as though she could get lost in the booth with its high back and deep cushions.

Loki took her hand and kissed it. “Do not fret, my love. I am still the same Loki and you are still the same Jane.”

Were they? She didn’t feel like the same old Jane. And he certainly didn’t feel like the same old Loki. She told him as such while her eyes skimmed the menu written in, of course, French.

“Some things are indeed different, are they not?” he murmured as he turned his body towards hers and kissed her bare shoulder. Jane lifted her gaze from the menu to him, her lashes still a bit lowered.

“Yes,” she said, “I think so.”

He smirked. “Better?”

Her smile was impish. “That remains to be seen.”

“Minx.”

She grinned and then went back to the menu. “Okay, so I know some French, but not a lot.” She pointed to an item she didn’t recognize. “What’s this?”

Loki of course capitalized on this and Jane was pretty sure that was why he’d chosen Pigalle. For one, he got to show off his ability to move between French and English with ease and for another, Jane had to rely on him to help her with some of the menu. He leaned close to her, abandoning his menu altogether to pore over hers together. She was sure that was part of his plan as well.

After they’d both ordered and had their wine, Jane said, “I’m going to bone up on my French so that the next time we come here I will know everything on the menu and won’t need your help.”

Loki grinned at her. “Next time, eh?”

She sighed and shook her head. “I seem destined to make such blunders in front of you.”

“I wouldn’t call them blunders. I rather think they’re…Freudian slips.”

She laughed. “Of course. And somehow they all circle back to sex, right?”

“Naturally,” he purred.

She shifted so she could look at him. “Loki.”

“Hmmm?” he hummed, gliding his hand down her bare arm.

She shivered under his touch. She’d noticed with Loki that he couldn’t seem to keep from touching her. No matter how small, he was constantly touching her in some way. It made her feel desired. And scared. What if she really wasn’t what he wanted after all? What if he had her and decided she wasn’t worth all this love he claimed he had for her? She hadn’t been able to keep Thor happy and his tastes ran fairly simple. How would she be able to keep Loki happy?

And why was she thinking in terms of keeping Loki happy anyway? They weren’t there yet. They weren’t a couple.

_Not yet._

“Loki,” she said again, trying to focus as Loki entwined their hands.

He looked up at her. “Yes?”

Good Christ he was handsome. She’d always thought it, but then she’d hated him and he’d become ugly to her.

“Darling, what is it?” he asked, his brows knitting into concern.

 _Get it together, Jane_ , she thought. _You’re acting like a teenager on a first date._

“You were going to tell me about why you hate Thor and Odin so much,” she said.

He sighed and sat back against the booth. “I did say that, didn’t I?”

She nodded. “I’m sorry.”

He took her hand again and kissed it. She wondered if the number of times he kissed her hand was indicative of how many times he’d kiss her on the lips if she just let him. She also wondered if she’d feel that same jolt if he did. Probably, because how could anyone get that excited over a kiss on the hand, but she was nonetheless. It was like watching the scene in “Age of Innocence” when Daniel Day Lewis unbuttoned Michelle Pfieffer’s glove and kissed her wrist. That was more potent and arousing than watching a sex scene.

She might just combust into flames when – if – Loki kissed her for real.

 _Oh, who are you kidding? You know it’s coming._ Her mind was just blowing all sorts of holes in her resolve tonight.

“Well, it’s true that Odin had always favored Thor over me. I know you think that’s childish and immature,” Loki said, “But when you’re a kid that doesn’t understand why you constantly come in second no matter what you do, it messes with your head. You start to think that you’re simply not good enough. And then, when you do all that you can to prove that you can do all the things that your older brother can do – and better, even – but still don’t measure up, then you start to get angry.”

Jane knew part of this. Thor had told her as much – that Odin had played favorites though he tried not to, but Loki had never seen it that way. Thor had always defended his father whilst sympathizing with Loki and so Jane had done the same. Then there were the list of offenses Loki had stacked against him...

“I became Thor’s shadow. Doing all the things he did, but trying to do better so that I’d receive some acknowledgment. Recognition. No matter what though, Thor was the golden child.” He said it bitterly. “And I was the child they settled on.”

“Why do you say that? They chose you, Loki. They chose to adopt you.”

“Only when my mother had three miscarriages after Thor. She wanted me. My father did not. He was all set with his golden boy; he had no desire for me, but he wanted to make Frigga happy.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“When my mother was dying and I failed to call you and Thor to tell you to come? Yes.”

“Loki—”

“I know what I did was wrong. I know how it looked – that I just wanted to stick it to Thor. But that wasn’t it. Not entirely. My mother was the only one that was truly mine. She loved me like her own when I never felt that I was Odin’s. I was always very much aware that I was not their blood where Odin was concerned. But my mother never made me feel that way. She acknowledged my triumphs; called me out on my schemes …she was an amazing woman.”

Jane nodded. “She was,” she said softly. She leaned against him and placed her head on his shoulder.

“I wanted her for myself,” Loki whispered. “I knew that when Thor arrived, Odin would make a production of it and I just wanted her to myself. She was the only one that loved me and I was losing her.”

Jane gripped his hand tightly in hers.

“Thor did his best to include me, but you can only be compared to that which you’re not for so long before you start to resent the person you’re compared to. And then there were the flings Odin had…and Thor covered for him. Then there was the case in the company of one of the employees having sexually assaulted a woman while on a business trip and she pressed charges. But, because he made my father a lot of money—”

Jane sat up and looked at him, her eyes wide. “Don’t even tell me—”

“Odin hired the best lawyers. And again, Thor defended him and his actions.”

“Did he walk? That guy?”

“He did.”

“Christ,” Jane muttered.

“I wanted to make my father hate me as much as I hated him,” Loki admitted. “It was easier that way. Inspiring his ire worked better than inspiring his love and any pride he could have in me. Then I was free to unleash my hatred of him. My resentment.”

“I’ve never had a sibling,” Jane said. “So I don’t know what it’s like to be compared to someone else. I do know that it’s hard when you feel your parent doesn’t love you enough…or at all. After my father died, my mother gave up. I thought her love for me would be enough to make her take care of me the way a mother is supposed to. But she never did. She was lost in a place I couldn’t reach her and I resented her for that. It was me taking care of myself, and my uncle Erik from a distance.”

“That’s why you love him so much,” Loki murmured.

“Yes, he hasn’t always been in the picture but he’s always been a constant. I knew if I needed him, he would be there in a heartbeat.”

“So would I,” Loki said quietly. “For anything you needed, Jane. Just as you have been there for me these past few weeks with my memory gone.”

Jane realized then how close they were to each other. Their bodies turned towards one another, their heads bent close. She could smell his cologne. Feel his body heat.

She wanted him, and she was afraid to admit it and afraid to act on it. When she looked up at him, he sucked in a breath and she saw the awareness in his eyes. He could see her desire.

“Jane,” he whispered and leaned in.

“Bon a petit!” Etienne had arrived with the food. He might as well have thrown a bucket of cold water on the both of them.

Loki closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Jane bit back a smile and patted his knee as she turned to Etienne. “Thank you, Etienne. This looks fabulous.”

“Is zer anything else you need?” he asked.

“We are all set, thank you,” Jane said.

Etienne looked at Loki, who had not moved, and then bowed and left.

“Are you pouting?” Jane asked him.

“A little, yes,” he muttered.

“Well, stop. Because this looks fabulous.”

“Make sure you make room for dessert, darling,” he said and finally turned back to the table. “And just so you know, we will be going dancing after.”

Jane looked at him. “We are?”

He grinned and pointed to the ceiling. “Etienne boasts a dance club upstairs. But a classy one. Tell me, my Jane, do you know how to tango?”

“No,” she said, pouting slightly. “Will you teach me?”

He grinned broadly. “Of course.”


	25. Chapter 25

Jane laughed with delight as Loki dipped her once more in time with the music and then twirled her, nearly making her dizzy. She crashed into his arms and he held her tight there, allowing her to feel his strong body to steady herself against. She was breathless – from the dancing and the intoxicating mix of a dashing and romantic Loki Odinson.

“All right?” he asked huskily and she nodded, clinging to him as he moved her around the dance floor. This wasn’t the tango, and Jane wasn’t sure she could handle that if it started. She felt a little lost in her dance steps as it was, but thankfully Loki was a great teacher and didn’t get upset when she accidentally stepped on his foot.

The dinner, the dancing, the heady atmosphere of romance – a girl could get used to this. She had never thought of herself as a romantic, but now, well, she was thinking maybe she just hadn’t been with the guy that could bring that part of her personality out. Loki was making tremendous strides though. He had a knack for bringing out a lot in her that seemed to be just lying dormant. 

“Are you having fun?” he asked. 

“No, I usually laugh when I’m having a terrible time,” she told him. He smiled. “I’ve been smiling so much tonight my face hurts.” He laughed at that.

“Tell me, what can I do to make this night even better?” he asked as he spun them closer to the edge of the dance floor. 

“It’s perfect as it is,” she told him and meant it. 

He smiled again, a smile that said he was pleased and proud of himself, but not in a smug or arrogant way, but in a thoroughly happy way because she was happy. 

“You really do love me,” she blurted out, awestruck by it all. Yes, he’d said it but she hadn’t really allowed herself to really believe it…

His eyes darkened and he nodded. “Yes.”

“Wow,” she breathed. 

“Don’t be afraid, dearest.”

“I’m trying not to be,” she murmured. 

“Don’t overthink it,” he whispered in her ear as he moved them about the room. “Just be here in the moment with me…”

She could do that. She could. Because when was the last time she had felt this happy and carefree? It had been a very, very long time. And after the past few days…well, she needed it and deserved it. 

“I’m going to dip you again,” he told her by way of warning. 

“Okay,” she said and prepared herself. When it came, she threw herself into it with abandon, letting her arm flow out gracefully behind her. She beamed up at Loki and he laughed and pulled her upright. She hugged him tight, throwing her arms around him as the band finished their song and announced a break. Jane just kept on holding onto Loki. 

To her dismay, she felt tears well up in her eyes and she buried her face in his neck. 

“Jane?” he asked worriedly, running a hand soothingly down her back. 

“I’m just being silly. Give me a moment.”

“What is it, love? Is it Thor?”

“Yes. No. A little. I’m confused.”

“By?”

“You, me, us, Thor…all these feelings…”

His arms tightened. “Feelings for me?”

“Yes. I –I think I’ve been having feelings for you all along. Ever since…you know.”

“I had amnesia.”

“Yes. And then working with you, helping you, now as partners and tonight and then Thor cheating on me—”

“Breathe, love, breathe…”

Jane sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, right into his neck. 

“Again,” he murmured and kissed her forehead. 

She breathed deep again. 

“Better?”

“Yes,” she said and looked up at him. She couldn’t help but wonder how things might have been different had she met Loki first. Would she have fallen for him even though he’d been so full of anger and hatred toward his family? Could she have helped him turned things around? Would he have stopped his vendetta? Would he have taken a different path?

“What are you thinking now?” he asked. 

“How things might have been different had I met you first.”

“I think a lot of things would have been different,” he said. 

“Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe things had to happen the way they did to bring us to this place.”

“I like that you’re thinking in terms of us.”

“Kind of hard not to. That’s kind of what this whole night has been about, hasn’t it?”

“Yes,” he whispered and Jane realized then how close their faces were. Mere inches. If that. 

“Loki,” she whispered. 

“Mmm?” He licked his lips and shifted on his feet. 

“Remember what I said this morning about not kissing anyone until I wasn’t such a hot mess?”

“Yes.” He began to lift his head. 

“Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but…” And then she grabbed his face in her hands and kissed him once, hard and fast, and then released him and walked away before they made even more of a spectacle of themselves. No one seemed to be paying any attention to them, and the room was fairly dark, but still. 

Her heart was racing and she felt perhaps her skin was too tight. Had she just kissed Loki? Yes, she most certainly had and—

She started when Loki grabbed her hand and practically dragged her across the room and through a set of doors that led onto a balcony that overlooked Boston. She barely had time to register that before she was pushed against the wall behind her and had an armful of Loki. 

He kissed her as though ravenous, clutching at her as if he meant to somehow absorb her into himself. Her hands first went to his shoulders, just trying to hold on and keep up with his passion. Her hands then slid up into his silky dark locks. He moved just so against her and she felt him hard against her lower belly. She moaned, a soft keening sound of need deep in her throat, and he slipped his tongue in her mouth. 

She broke apart to breathe and gain some control over herself, but Loki’s mouth didn’t leave her. His lips trailed across her jaw and he then tugged on her hair, causing her head to fall back and expose her neck. He licked and nibbled and nuzzled at her neck. 

“Loki,” she moaned and he claimed her mouth in a hot and ravenous kiss again. 

“You shouldn’t have done that,” he told her, his lips barely leaving hers to speak. “It’s all over now, Jane.”

His words were like a vow and she shivered. “Loki—”

“I’ve loved you for so long,” he whispered. “I’ve ached for you. Longed for you.”

Jane thought of Sigyn. The picture in his nightstand. “Obsessed. You’ve been obsessed.”

“Yes,” he said. It was clear he wasn’t ashamed of it, either. One hand ran lightly over the tops of her breasts, a slow and feather light touch that caused her to shiver again. “You’re my heart and my soul. You’re a necessity to me like the very air I breathe. And now you’ve gone and done it…”

She licked her lips and he groaned and kissed her hard. “Done what?” she gasped. 

He ground against her as his hand slipped over her bottom. “Kissed me. You’ve kissed me and sealed your fate.”

She looked at him, at his eyes so dark and hooded, full of lust and hunger and love, all combining in one potent and breathtaking combination that was the passionate man before her. He wasn’t like any man she’d known. He was something dark that wouldn’t think twice about consuming her soul if it pleased him to do so, but then there was this fierce tenderness about him that made her think he’d covet it and protect it. He was no angel, but a devil instead. And he made no bones about the fact that he loved her and wanted her. 

“How have I sealed my fate?” she asked, thinking she already knew the answer, but still wanted to hear him say it. 

His smile was dark, very much like the devil she thought him. It was full of promise and she thought then that he was absolutely going to take her soul, her heart, and her body. He was going to take everything. Loki wasn’t the type of man to be happy with anything less than the whole of her. However, she had a funny feeling that he was going to give all that to her. She knew with certainty that she would be the only one he would give his all to. 

She was equal parts excited and scared out of her ever loving mind. 

“You’re mine now, Jane,” he told her. “The fire that burns in me for you will now burn in you for me. I felt it in your kiss…I tasted it.” He nipped at her lips and then wrapped her hair around his hand and drew her closer still. “I’ll never let you go,” he said darkly and claimed her mouth again.


	26. Chapter 26

Loki had Jane pressed against his car and he was kissing her passionately with no signs of letting up. Not that Jane minded too much, though she did wonder at her ability to move from one Odinson brother to the next with the greatest of ease. 

All right, maybe not with the greatest of ease, but she could not deny the fact that she was enjoying Loki’s kisses and, dare she say it and set women’s lib back a few decades – his possessiveness.

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t entirely that she was turned on by his possessiveness so much as intrigued. She’d never been with a man that made no bones about the fact that they wanted her and would have her. She’d certainly never been with a man that used other women as a substitute for her.

Wait though. That was creepy. 

“Where are you?” Loki asked in a brief moment of letting them both come up for air. Not that his mouth left her for long. If he wasn’t focused on her lips, then he was kissing her jaw, her cheek, her neck. Right now, he nuzzled at her neck to give her time to answer him. 

It was like he wanted to devour her. It was like he _was_ devouring her. She was on the ride, but was holding a part of herself back, afraid to commit herself wholly to this. She had just found out her fiancé had been cheating on her just a few days ago and now she was making out with his brother like there was no tomorrow. 

What was the matter with her?

“You’re thinking,” he said and then tugged on her earlobe with his teeth, sending a shiver through her. Her hands tightened around his shoulders. 

“I do that from time to time. I could teach you how if you’d like,” she quipped. 

He lifted his head and looked at her. “What are you thinking about, Jane?”

“I’m wondering what’s wrong with me that my engagement just ended a few days ago and here I am practically doing you in a parking garage. I haven’t made out with someone this hard since high school. I haven’t even used the term ‘making out’ since then either.”

He grinned. “Are you saying I’m making you feel youthful?”

“Yes. And dirty. With possibly two r’s.”

“I don’t see the problem with you being a little dirty…” he murmured and leaned in to kiss her again. 

She stopped him, by moving her hands to his chest and pushing back. He didn’t like that. She didn’t care. In fact, she slid away from him despite his attempts to bring her back into his arms. 

“I feel kind of…slutty,” she admitted when she gained some distance from him and his tempting lips. 

“Slutty? Jane, you admitted to having feelings for me. There has been something happening between us since you picked me up from the hospital. You do realize that, right?”

She shot him a look. “Don’t talk to me like I’m a child, Loki. Yes, I acknowledge that something has been happening since then…I just wasn’t always fully aware of it considering I was, you know, engaged to another man? Your brother to be specific.”

“He’s not my brother.”

She just looked at him. “Loki…”

“If you don’t mind, I’d rather not get into the semantics of is he or isn’t he my brother. I’d rather discuss us and why you’re running away.”

“I’m not running away.”

“You’re not in my arms.”

She let out a frustrated sigh. “I don’t have to be in your arms.”

“I’d prefer that you were.”

“Get used to disappointment.”

He sighed. “Jane—”

“Look, you’ve had a ton of time to get used to the feelings you have for me. I haven’t. My engagement just blew up in my face a few short days ago and here I am, getting hot and heavy with you. It’s fucked up.”

He raked a hand through his hair. “What do you want? What do you need?”

“Time. I just need some time. I need to sort it all out. I probably shouldn’t have kissed you and opened the floodgates…”

He laughed softly. “You did indeed do that.”

“I’m sorry.”

He looked at her sharply. “Don’t be sorry. Never be sorry for kissing me.”

She wrung her hands together in front of her. “Loki, I…”

“What, love?” he asked gently. “What’s wrong?”

“Are you sure I’m what you want?” she asked nervously. “I mean, really sure? Is it really me you want or is more wanting what Thor had?”

He gaped at her. “What?”

“It’s just that I want you to be sure it’s me that you want and not twisted revenge on Thor. I don’t want to go down this path with you only to find out one day you’re bored with me and want something else.”

“Like a woman in the Midwest by the name of Sif?”

She flinched and Loki moved forward quickly and grabbed her hand. He pulled her quickly into his arms before she could protest and he wrapped his arms around her, cupping the back of her head with one hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to be cruel. I just see where your mind is going. You think that my extreme dislike of Thor has made you a target for my affections just to find a way to exact my revenge.”

“Well, yes.”

“And you think that once I have you, I’ll grow bored with you and want something – someone – else.”

“I just said as much.”

“Do you really think it’s revenge I want and that you’re just a pawn in my game? Or do you fear that since Thor was an ass and cheated on you, at some point I will as well?”

Jane dug her nails in his shoulders. “I couldn’t keep him happy, clearly. What if there is something wrong with me and I can’t keep anyone happy?”

“Would that I could rip his throat out for doing this to you,” Loki whispered harshly. He took her face in his hands and it hurt his heart to see tears in her eyes. “Darling, no,” he said gently. “I love your mind, your passion and fire. Your loyalty and the immense heart you have.” He smiled. “You’re my lioness. You helped me piece my life together when I remembered none of it, you walked into a roomful of mobsters with me and stood up to your uncle for me. I watched you defend Thor time and again when he clearly didn’t deserve it. I see how you love your uncle and I saw how you loved a man that didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you. I have wanted that love and that loyalty for my own for so long now that I can’t remember a time when I didn’t.”

“But what if—”

“What if, what if. What if I got into a car accident on my way home? What if I got shot—”

“Stop talking like that,” she admonished fiercely and punched him lightly on the arm. 

He laughed and nodded. “There it is. That fire I love so much. That protectiveness. Tire of you, Jane? Never. I have so many fantasies to enact with you.” She hit him again and he laughed and drew her closer. “Should I tell you one? Or will it scare you away, I wonder?”

She looked at him in a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty. Loki decided to go for it. When had he ever stopped himself from going full throttle after something he wanted? 

“I’ve had this recurring fantasy,” he began huskily as he ran a hand down her back. “Where we both come home from work…” He slowly ran his hand up her back to her shoulder. “And we make dinner together as we talk about our day…” He then ran his hand down her arm, skimming lightly with his fingertips. “After, we maybe watch the telly…and then we go to bed.” She shivered and he smiled as he pressed his forehead to hers. “And we make love until you tell me to stop.”

“I have to tell you to stop?” she asked, sounding breathless. 

“Yes,” he whispered. “Because there is no way I will ever get enough of you. I am your willing slave…”

He kissed her then. He couldn’t help it. Kissing Jane was addicting. Loki had never been addicted to much outside of the idea of power and control. Those two were heady, but they were nothing compared to kissing Jane. If this was the bliss Crane felt on his smorgasbord of drugs, then who was Loki to judge?

“You know,” she muttered when she broke the kiss and clutched at his shoulders, “That was a pretty tame fantasy.”

“Not all of them are lascivious,” he told her. “Most of them are quite mundane. Do you know why?”

She shook her head as she looked up him. 

“Because what I want is more than just to feast on your luscious body, Jane. I want a life with you.”

She let out a sound halfway between a cry and a moan and kissed him hard. He could feel it then, she’d given him a little bit more of herself. She still held back some part, but he was certain he would get all of her. Bit by bit, perhaps, and when she was ready, but it would happen. And he’d gotten a little bit more just now just by being honest – who would have thought?

“That better not be a line,” she said after ending the kiss. 

“I won’t lie to you. Never again,” he vowed. 

“You can lie a little. I’ll give you an example. I’ll say: does my ass look huge in this, Loki? And you’ll say—”

“Your ass is perfect. So perfect in fact, that all the men who see your ass in that will want you.”

She smiled. “That’s perfect.”

“It’s not a lie. Your ass is perfect.” To illustrate his point, he slid his hands over her ass and pulled her into him, letting her feel his desire. “Jane, my darling…”

“Yeah?” she whispered. 

“May I come up for a nightcap?”


	27. Chapter 27

Loki felt as though he’d stopped breathing waiting for Jane to answer him. Would he be able to handle it if she said no? Would he be able to handle it if she said _yes_? He’d dreamed of making love to Jane for so long that he feared he wouldn’t be able to actually perform properly when it came right down to it. What if he spent himself as soon as he slid inside her? There were drawbacks to being as obsessed as he was. 

“Yes,” she said softly and looked up at him through her lashes. That one word rendered him already on the edge. 

She took his hand, smiled impishly, and led him to the elevator. They didn’t speak as they made their way up to her apartment. All Loki was conscious of was his heart thudding so hard and so fast he thought it would leap straight out his chest. And then there was Jane. His beautiful Jane, standing next to him, her hand in his. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

“I know,” she whispered back. 

When they got to her floor, she led him down the hall and as she busied herself with unlocking her door, Loki pressed himself against her back and nuzzled her neck. He felt, strangely, near tears. “I want to make this perfect for you,” he told her fervently. 

“You will,” she said and then turned and kissed him softly before backing into her apartment. 

Loki’s hunger was growing by the second and he thought perhaps he would take her right there in the hall. He kicked her door shut behind him and then started when he heard Thor’s voice. 

“Well, I don’t know what I expected…”

Jane gasped and turned around. Thor stood in the entranceway to the dining room, hands in his pockets. 

Jane gaped. 

Loki growled and stepped forward. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Jane reached out and stayed him by grabbing his arm. “Loki.”

“I have a spare key,” Thor said, but he was looking at Jane. “Nothing going on, huh? Nothing between you?”

“You don’t get to cast stones,” Jane told him.

“From where I’m standing, you don’t get to either.”

“That’s not fair,” Jane said. “I wasn’t carrying on with Loki for over a year like you were with that woman.” 

“But how long was this going on, Jane?” Thor asked. 

“Can we get rid of him now?” Loki asked, glaring at Thor. “Jane, I’ll send a locksmith over tomorrow to have the locks changed.”

“Fuck you, Loki,” Thor snapped. 

“Well, I was about to—”

“If you value your life in anyway don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Jane said to Loki, practically spitting it out through clenched teeth. 

Loki gestured to Thor. “Get rid of him, Jane.”

“Apparently he hasn’t learned that you don’t like being told what to do,” Thor said. He cocked his head to the side. “Or maybe for him you make an exception?”

“Thor, shut up,” Jane said. She rubbed her forehead. “What do you want?”

“I want to talk. Just talk.”

Silence fell for a long while and Loki knew she was considering it. He didn’t want her to consider it. He wanted Thor gone and away from Jane. This night was supposed to be about them, dammit. A new start, a fresh start. All his dreams of a life with Jane—

“Loki…” she began. 

Gone. In a poof of smoke. 

Fury erupted inside of him. “Jane, no. Are you joking?”

Thor snickered and Jane shot him a glare. Loki started after him, ready to punch the living daylights out of his “brother”. 

Jane stepped in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Loki, no. Just stop. Listen to me.”

“He cheated on you!” Loki exclaimed. 

“I’m not getting back together with him!” Jane exclaimed back. 

“Well, let’s not rush to conclusions, Jane,” Thor interjected. 

Loki was going to kill him. 

Jane spun and faced her ex. “Can you please shut the fuck up before I toss you out _again_? Just go away and give me and Loki a minute, would you?”

Thor held up his hands and walked off, further into the dining room, but Loki didn’t miss the smirk on his face before he turned away. Yep. Definitely going to kill him. 

“Loki, don’t flip out,” Jane began. 

“How do you expect me to react with him here?” Loki hissed. 

“I do need to talk to him,” she said, softer now. “I need to put some things behind me if I’m ever going to move on.”

Loki snaked a hand through her hair and gripped the back of her head. “With me, right? Move on with me?”

She smacked his arm and scowled at him. “Let me go.”

Jane was not Sigyn. He couldn’t push her around like he could with Sig. He released his grip on her. “I’m sorry.”

“Just don’t think the worst. Don’t do your usual Loki thing and have a canary, all right?”

“I want you to call me as soon as he leaves.”

“I can and will do that,” Jane said with a nod. 

“Just remember that I love you,” he said softly. 

She smiled. “Would you ever really let me forget?”

“No,” he said and then kissed her, hard and possessively. He was satisfied when they parted and he left her looking dazed and breathless. 

She gripped him by his shirt. “Thor and I are over, Loki. I just need some closure, okay? That’s all it is.”

He nodded then left, but he wasn’t happy about it. 

Jane watched him go and wasn’t happy about it. She turned and went to find Thor. He was standing by the window. He turned when he heard her and smiled as he came toward her. When he was close enough she punched him in the stomach. He doubled over and Jane shook out her hand. 

“Okay,” she said. “Now we can talk.”

xxxxxxxxx

Jane told him not to “have a canary” and do what he usually did. Loki snorted as he drove through the streets of Boston, heading home. 

If Thor hadn’t shown up at this very moment he could be in Jane’s bed, making love to her. Worshipping her.

His smile fell. Wasn’t it customary for couples to have break-up sex?

xxxxxx

“What is it that you exactly hope to gain from this talk?” Jane asked as she sat down on the couch. 

Thor dragged himself over to his favorite overstuffed chair and sat down, grimacing, one hand on his belly. “How did I never know you could punch like that?”

Jane thought of her uncle. How Thor never knew about him. And then she thought about Loki and how he knew everything. That meant something pretty significant, didn’t it? She looked at Thor almost sadly. “There may be a few” _very important_ “things you don’t know about me.”

“Oh yeah? Would one of them be how you’ve always had a thing for Loki?”

Jane sighed and shook her head. “No, Thor. That’s very untrue.”

“So then when? When did this blessed event happen that you two ended up here in our apartment nearly doing it in the hall?”

xxxxxxxx

Jane wasn’t going to have sex with Thor. Not after he’d cheated. That ship had definitely sailed. Loki found comfort in that thought, but then the sickening thought came to him: What if Thor convinced her to give him another chance, if that was what he ultimately wanted from their little talk?

No. There was no way Jane would go for that. 

xxxxxxxxx

Jane thought of when Loki had amnesia. How much softer he’d been. Approachable. It had been disconcerting at first and she’d thought it was a trick. Then she was just waiting for him to get his memories back and turn on her. 

But he hadn’t. She’d helped him. He’d leaned on her. He’d in some ways united her with her uncle. She had felt alive…

She thought of the night he’d come over and Thor had said something about them acting strange. He’d alluded to Loki having feelings for her. She’d brushed him off. Was it then? As early as then?

She then thought of all the time she spent with Loki when Thor was gone on “business”. She thought of when he’d returned and she and Loki had barely seen one another for a week. She’d missed him. With Thor she had felt…bored. 

“I think it happened when you were away on business,” she said. “And by business I mean fucking another woman.”

He looked down. “Did something happen between you during that time?”

“When you were fucking another woman, you mean?”

His jaw clenched. “Jane.”

“You can say it, Thor, because that’s what you were doing. If you can’t say it, then maybe you shouldn’t be doing it.”

“Yes, all right? Did something happen here with Loki while I was fucking Sif?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“He didn’t make a pass at you?”

“No. I didn’t know then what I was feeling. I wasn’t aware of it.”

“When were you?”

“Not that long ago. But enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do you want?”

“I want to work this out. I want us back.”

xxxxxxxx

What would he do if Jane did indeed want to try again with Thor? Home now, Loki tossed his keys on the table next to his door and headed for his bedroom. 

Short of murdering Thor? What _would_ he do?

He thought of Jane. Of her smile and laughter. 

He stopped halfway up the stairs and realized he would do nothing. 

Absolutely nothing. 

xxxxxxxxx

Jane started to laugh. She shook her head. “No. That’s not happening.” 

“Because of Loki?” Thor asked. 

“Would it make you feel better to think it’s because of him?” she asked, head cocked to the side. “Would it somehow ease your conscience because you could then blame me and not you for the fact that you’re a cheater and a lying sack of shit?”

Thor chuckled humorlessly. “You always did have a way with words, Jane. Does it make you feel better to call me names?”

“It does actually, thanks. To answer your question, yes. Loki is part of why I won’t give us another go. The other part? See cheater and lying sack of shit.”

Now he looked solemn. “I am sorry, Jane. I have no excuses. I was a coward and I’m sorry.”

“I don’t forgive you. At least not yet.”

“You plan to in the future? What can I do to help?”

xxxxxxxx

Loki sat on the edge of his bed, still fully dressed. He was a selfish bastard, no doubt. He loved Jane with everything that he was and wanted her for his own. He thought he would do anything to have her – manipulate, lie, scheme…

But, as it turned out, now that he had a taste of what it was like to be with Jane, he didn’t want to resort to any of that to get her – or to keep her. She would hate him for even attempting it. And, what was it that he ultimately wanted? 

Jane’s happiness. 

And, of course, he fully expected his patience to pay off at some point. If she decided to give Thor another chance, well, there was no way she would stay happy with him for long. Not after all she had shared with Loki. It just wasn’t possible. 

xxxxxxxxx

“Make no mistake, Thor,” Jane said. “My forgiving you doesn’t mean I take you back. I will forgive you in time because I need to do it to put it behind me. It has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me.”

He nodded once. “I see.”

“Why did you do it?”

“What? Cheat?”

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “Yes. Why did you cheat?”

He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “I don’t know.”

“Oh for the love—”

“I was scared. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get married because I just…I wasn’t ready.”

“Then why did you propose?”

“My father encouraged me to.”

Jane sat back and heaved a sigh. Hadn’t Loki told her tonight that Thor always did what Odin wanted no matter the cost? 

“You never should have proposed,” she said. Tears stung her eyes. It wasn’t that she was terribly devastated to find out that was why he proposed. It was that she was angry about it. Angry because she gave her all to a man that had never given his all and hadn’t really wanted to. In another world where Odin didn’t control the puppet strings, Thor might have never proposed. They might have fizzled out and she would have moved on. 

“I know,” he whispered.

“Then why do you want another chance? Because Odin wants you to try again?”

“No, because I do love you, Jane. I do. We don’t have to be engaged. We could just start over. Date. Get to know each other again and—”

“No. You cheated on me, Thor. I would never be able to trust you again. And if the day came that you did propose again I would wonder if it was because your father wanted you to.”

“It wouldn’t be. This time it would be on my terms.”

“No. Tell me, what did she give you that I didn’t?”

“Freedom. She was freedom. I didn’t have to lie or keep anything from her. She knew I was engaged and that I couldn’t always see her. She accepted it.”

Jane shook her head sadly. “She might be stupid. I might even feel sorry for her.”

xxxxxxx

It was late. Nearly 3 a.m. when Jane called. Loki had fallen asleep on his couch watching crap TV. When his phone rang, he jerked awake and answered it. “Jane,” he croaked. 

“I’m at your door. Can you let me in?”

Loki bolted up and practically tripped on his feet to get to the door. He opened it up and found Jane in jeans, and a t-shirt. Her hoodie was on and she was carrying her purse and a duffel bag. Her eyes, he noted, were red and puffy. 

“Are you all right?” he asked, pulling her inside. “What happened?”

“We talked. He left. I cried. I came over.” She frowned. “I should have called first.”

Loki shut the door, locked it, and then faced her. “Don’t be ridiculous. Although, I would have come to your place had you called. You know I don’t like it when you’re out so late.”

“Get over it,” she said with a roll of her eyes. She bit her lip and looked up at him. “I didn’t really think this all through. I just wanted…comfort. As it turns out the only reason Thor proposed was because Odin wanted him to.”

Loki pressed his lips together in a thin line. 

Jane wiped at the tears that began to fall. “He wanted another chance because he claims he does love me, but I can’t go back and I’m just so disgusted by the idea that the only reason he proposed was because Daddy told him to.”

Loki reached out and pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry, Jane. I am.”

“I just wanted to be here because I knew you’d understand Thor just being some kind of fucking puppet for Odin.”

He rested his chin on the top of her head. “Yes. I do.”

“I…I’m not ready to have sex with you, Loki. It’s not that I don’t want you. I do, but I’m not as ready as I thought I was…or wanted to be.”

As disappointed as he was to hear that, she had given him hope. It might not happen tonight or tomorrow night, but it would happen. Plus, she was here, and in his arms where she belonged. The rest could wait. 

“I don’t know when it’s going to happen,” she continued. “And I hope you don’t think I’m a tease for being here and just wanting you to hold me.” 

It would be difficult to be in bed with Jane and not give into the urge to touch her, but it wasn’t what she needed. She wanted to be held and comforted and he would do it because he loved her. “I do not think you’re a tease. I’m honored that you sought me out to comfort you.” 

“You’ve come to mean a lot to me, Loki. I’m not there yet with the ‘I love you’…that might take some time, but you…you’re the only one that knows about my uncle and my past and I…I take comfort in that. I didn’t realize how much I wanted and needed to be able to share that part of myself with someone until you knew all about it.”

“I understand.” And he did. He felt the same way. Jane knew everything about his life, the important bits at least – his schemes, his feelings about his family, his plans and the things he’d done and why. There was comfort in knowing there was someone that knew all of that and still accepted you. 

How far they’d come.

He pulled back and kissed her softly, chastely. “Come. Let’s get some sleep.” She nodded and followed him to his bedroom.

A half an hour later, they were in his bed and Jane was in his arms, her back to his front. “Will you tell me what happened? What was said?” he asked her and nuzzled her neck briefly.

She yawned loudly, her eyes already drooping. “I will. Just not now.”

Loki smiled as her eyes shut. His were not far behind. Together, they drifted off.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-eight

Loki woke slowly the next morning, fighting wakefulness as people often did. When he finally pried his eyes open he found Jane peering at him from the other side of the bed. The covers were up to her nose and he could tell she smiled by the way her eyes crinkled at the sides. He smiled back. “Good morning, my love.”

“Good morning.”

“How do you feel?” he asked and scooted closer to her. 

She shrugged a shoulder and then sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For barging in last night.”

“You didn’t barge in last night.”

“Intruded? I should have called and asked if it was okay.”

He laughed. “Have you not been paying attention to a word I’ve said? Did you think there was a chance I would say no?”

She moved the covers away from her face. “I just don’t want to lead you on. Thor showing up kind of ruined the mood and all, but I don’t think it was the right time to…ya know…”

“Have sex? Make love? Fuck?”

She shot him a withering look. “All of the above. It’s not a matter of not wanting you, as I said. It’s a matter of being in the right head and heart space. I don’t want to have sex with you and then regret it because I wasn’t completely ready. Am I making sense or should I just shut up?”

“You’re making sense,” he said with a sigh. “I won’t lie and say I’m not disappointed. I want you, Jane, very much.”

“I know, but you’ve been carrying these feelings around for a while. I’m new to them. I need to adjust to the fact that I’m no longer engaged. I don’t want to jump into a relationship—”

“Jane, I hate break it to you, but we are in fact in a relationship. We went on a date last night, remember? And you are in my bed right now…”

She sighed and nodded. “Yes, you’re right.”

“I often am.”

She snorted. “On the planet you wish. Okay, so we are in some form of a relationship that I plan on taking slowly. Sleeping in your bed notwithstanding. This is a tempurpedic right?”

He looked at her in confusion. “Yes, what does—”

“Your bed is hella comfortable. It’s really more that I’m having a love affair with your bed than – aughh!” 

That was how Jane found herself pinned to Loki’s bed, his hands pressing hers into the mattress and him straddling her. His grin was almost maniacal. “A love affair with my bed, huh?” he purred. 

Jane just stared up at him, a not-so-fully-formed-retort hanging off her lips. When she first met him, she had found him handsome. Then he’d been an asshole and she’d found him ugly. Now he wasn’t just handsome. He was _gorgeous_. 

She pushed at his hand and he released her right hand. She reached up with it and ran her fingers over his face starting at his forehead and moving down along the side and then over his lips. 

“Jane,” he whispered. 

He loosened his hold on her other hand and so she wrapped her arms around his neck and brought him closer. “This is probably going to fall in the category of ‘leading you on’…” And then she kissed him. Loki dug a hand in her hair and used the other to pull her closer. 

He licked at her lips and she opened her mouth, granting him entry. When the passion began to mount, heading into territory where Jane was close to just abandoning her earlier plan to take it slow, Loki broke the kiss and rolled off to the side. He was panting and his eyes were closed, one arm over his head. 

“Sorry,” she whispered. 

“Don’t be,” he said. 

“Do you have breakfast food?”

“I think so.”

She sat up and climbed out of the bed. “Good. I’ll make us breakfast.”

Loki watched her go; thinking that the only thing that would make her more beautiful this morning was is she was wearing one of his shirts and nothing else. 

xxxxxxxx

“Loki.”

Loki smiled and flipped a pancake. “Jane.” He looked at her, leaning against the counter next to him with a thoughtful expression on her face. 

“Can you tell me what you were like as a boy?” she asked.

He hadn’t expected that. “Pardon?”

“I’ve heard stories from Thor about how you guys used to play together and get into trouble together as kids. Is that true?”

Loki sighed and nodded. “Yes.”

“So you were close.”

“Yes.”

“Can you elaborate on that or…?”

“Well, when we were young, Odin had someone build us a tree house.”

She smiled broadly. “Really? That’s so cool!”

Loki grinned a bit wistfully. “It was. We spent all of our time in that tree house for the first six months we had it.”

“This is when you were living in the UK?”

“Yes.”

“What happened after six months to make you not want to hang out in it?”

“We moved to the States. Odin talked about having another tree house built when we moved to our new home, but it never happened.”

“When did things start to change between you and Thor?”

Loki moved some pancakes off the griddle to the plate next to him and he sighed. “I’d say when we were teenagers. You know, when most things go to hell.”

Jane carried the plate of pancakes to the table while Loki shut off the griddle and followed her to the table where there was syrup, butter, orange juice, coffee, and a plate of bacon waiting for them. 

“What sorts of things did you and Thor do in your tree house?” Jane asked as she stabbed a couple pancakes and brought them to her plate. 

He looked at her with brows furrowed. “What’s going on with all the questions about my childhood? Is this another attempt to get Thor and I back into some kind of brotherly relationship? I can tell you now it’s not going to work. Too much has happened and there is the fact that you’re his ex and—”

Jane placed a hand over his, stopping him. “Loki, calm down. I’m not attempting to get you and Thor to talk and heal the rift between you. I’m asking you about your childhood because I want to learn about you. That’s what people do, especially ones that are kind-of sort-of dating. I know Thor’s stories about how you two were as kids, but I don’t know yours. I want to know yours.”

Loki heaved a trembling sigh and he gripped Jane’s hand. “No one’s ever…no one’s ever wanted to know about me like that.”

“Loki, have you ever had a serious relationship with anyone ever?”

He shook his head. 

She made a face. “Did you and Sigyn do anything _at all_ besides have sex?” He just looked at her with an arched brow and she nodded. “That’d be a no.”

“I was always the quiet and strange one that no one wanted to talk to. Thor was the Golden Boy that everyone wanted to know,” Loki told her. 

Jane got up from her chair and then plopped herself down on Loki’s lap and wrapped her arms around him. “Well, that was their loss. I want to know you, Loki. All your stories, hopes, dreams – everything.” And then she hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and buried his face in her neck. She didn’t press him to talk; she knew he was having a moment. 

He spent so much time being angry and feeling isolated by his family that he’d ended up isolating himself further from anyone that could ever get close to him in order to protect himself. Jane understood the inclination. She had chosen a different path, but had always kept the secret of her uncle which until she had told Loki all about it, hadn’t realized that it was a big part of who she was. 

There were three short raps on his door and Jane pulled back and looked at him with a frown. “Crane?”

Loki shook his head. “I doubt it. But maybe it’s—”

“Uncle Erik,” Jane said and jumped to her feet and practically ran to the door. Loki was close on her heels. 

It was, in fact, Erik. 

When he looked at Jane’s attire and then at Loki, in a silk pajama ensemble, he frowned. “What the hell is going on?” he asked as he pushed his way inside. Drax was, always, at his side. 

Jane bit her lip and closed Loki’s door. “Well, there’s been a bit of a development.”

Erik didn’t look impressed. He looked between her and Loki and folded his arms across his chest. “You don’t say.”

Jane shook her head. “No, see, Thor cheated on me, uncle Erik.”

Erik looked as though he’d been slapped. “What?!”

“Yeah, so…this…” Jane gestured between her and Loki, “might seem a little questionable but I’m not with Thor anymore – hey that rhymed – so it’s not like I’m cheating on him by being here with Loki or if I, ya know, kiss him or date him or do anything couple-y with him at all, and you’re looking at me like I have seven heads so I’m just going to stop talking now.”

“Don’t forget to breathe, Jane,” Loki said and Jane kicked him in the leg with her foot. 

“Do you want me to rough him up?” Erik asked. 

Jane’s eyes went wide. “Who? Loki? No!”

Erik rolled his eyes. “No, Jane. Thor.”

“No, no, I don’t want you to do that. If you would have asked me a few days ago – well, maybe you could just arrange for him to get a speeding or parking ticket or something? Or, oh! I know – a flat tire? Maybe two. That’d be fantastic.”

Loki started to laugh softly. “Kittens got claws.”

She looked at him with narrowed eyes. “I think you’re making fun of me, but I can’t be sure.”

“I am. A flat tire, Jane? That’s it?”

“Well I don’t want him to get beat up and you know, a flat tire is really inconvenient because it’ll stall him from wherever he has to go and then he’ll have to wait for Triple A and—”

“And he can just have someone do all of that for him and have a car brought around to take him where he needs to go,” Loki told her. 

“So you’re thinking parking ticket? Or speeding ticket?”

“No, I’m thinking let your uncle and his men rough him up a little—”

“For you or for me because you’re not above asking him to do that for you and that’s not really my style so—”

“Are you two quite done?” Erik asked loudly. 

Jane clamped her mouth shut and looked at her uncle. Loki just shook his head and chuckled before looking at Erik. “Yes, my good man. I assume you’ve made a decision regarding what you would like to do with my…business?”

“I have,” Erik said. “First of all, you need to get your partner under control.”

“What is Crane doing?” Jane asked. 

“He’s been running his mouth off and spending a good chunk of change on drugs,” Erik said. 

Loki and Jane exchanged glances. “He’s spent it all,” Loki muttered. “All of his share.”

“He has probably racked up some debts by now,” Erik said. “He needs to be stopped or I will do the stopping in my own way if you can’t get him to mind.”

“You make him sound like a dog, uncle Erik,” Jane said. 

“He is a dog. A rabid dog on drugs and if he doesn’t quit the shit, he will be foaming at the mouth soon during his final moments.” Erik cocked his head to the side, a thoughtful look on his face. “That’s not a bad end for him actually. It would solve some problems.”

“Do what you want to do with him, I don’t care,” Loki said with a shrug. “He’s proved uncontrollable.”

“Loki!” Jane exclaimed. “You can’t just – just _send him to his death_!”

Loki took pause and looked at Erik who arched a brow. “Seems to me your boy doesn’t have much of a problem with that,” Erik told her. 

“But I do!” Jane exclaimed. “Put the fear of God in him if you want, but Jesus, you don’t have to fucking kill him because he’s an addict!”

“It’s more than that, Jane,” Loki tried to explain reasonably. “If he gets too out of control and racks up debt to people it will eventually fall to me to fix it. I was his partner in all of this. His problem is that he got greedy and by the time I figured out what he was really after, it was too late to stop. If the time comes that I have to clean up his mess, then those he owes might come after me and not be happy about having to do that.”

“What are the chances that it won’t fall to you? That no one even knows about your involvement with him?” Jane asked. 

“Trust me, they know,” Erik said. “Not much gets by the thugs in this town, Jane.”

Jane frowned. “There isn’t anything else you can do?”

“Well, I would like to meet with him,” Erik said. “Can you get him, Loki?”

Loki nodded. “I can.”

“Do so. I’ll, as Jane put it – put the fear of God in him.”

“So, you’re taking over?” Loki asked. 

“Yes. All of it. Thankfully, you didn’t get too far so whomever you need to call to figure this all out and make them aware, do it. I want to call a meeting by the end of this week. Crane though, I want him sooner than that.”

Loki nodded. “Done.”

Erik looked at Jane. “Janie, I think you know what I’m going to say…”

Jane just looked at him and then Loki and walked away. She looked…irritated and disturbed. Loki watched her head up to his bedroom, and he was worried. 

“It’s one thing to know something in theory,” Erik said. “It’s another to see it in real time. Whatever lost puppy dog routine you were showing her was just blown to hell by giving me the green light to get rid of Crane. I can’t say that I’m not pleased. Maybe now she’ll come to her senses. Let me know when you get Crane.” And with that, Erik and Drax left. 

Loki, worried now that he’d lost Jane completely, went after her.


	29. Chapter 29

Loki was waiting for Jane on his bed when she emerged from his bathroom. She was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, socks, and her hair was wet. She paused mid-stride, a brush in hand and just looked at him. "Hey," she said.

"Can we talk about what happened down there?" Loki asked.

She sighed. "I don't really want to."

"You disapprove."

"Loki, you chose Crane to be your partner. You chose him because he was malleable and already embezzling money. You blackmailed him and dragged him into your schemes. You had to know then that he was a drug addict before you even began."

"I did. But he wasn't as bad as he is now. He's gotten worse and I suspect it's the fact that he has – had – money. Money that he is now blowing and probably racking up debts that I might not be able to pay off. Debts to people that could cost me my own life. And now that he's running his mouth off? He's out of hand and he's going to get himself killed—"

"But at least you won't be the one doing it!" she exclaimed.

"I'm not the one that will be doing it. Your uncle will. Or Drax more likely."

Jane just stood there, flabbergasted.

"Jane, where is this coming from? You know what your uncle does. You know his life." He cocked his head to the side. "You didn't do something so silly as romanticize it, did you? Convince yourself that maybe he didn't do all the things a mobster needs to do to survive? Did you tell yourself it was someone else doing them and not actually him?"

"Don't condescend to me," she snapped. "Or so help me I will fling this brush at your head." She held it up, a daring look on her face.

Loki held up his hands. "Jane."

"It's the cavalier way you talked about it. It wasn't so much him as it was you. You just so casually offered Crane up like some sacrificial lamb. You put more blood on my uncle's hands because of your fuck-up. Crane is an idiot and he's a loose cannon, but you're the one that chose him, you're the one that blackmailed him into your schemes and now that he's causing trouble for you, you're just willing to have him done in."

Loki sighed and dropped his hands. He looked down at the floor. "What was it you said yesterday? About how my moral compass has never quite pointed North?"

"It's not even in the vicinity of North. I'm not even sure it's even on a compass at all."

"I can't apologize for who I am. Is it not enough that I'm giving it all up for you?"

Jane pursed her lips together. "Can you? I mean, sure you're willing to hand it all over now but is it something you really want to do? I don't want to be the reason you go against your natural inclinations. Can someone – can you – really go against your nature that much?"

Loki said. "You're saying my nature is to become a mobster?"

"I'm saying your nature is not like most people's. I do think people are attracted to certain lifestyles, that they have certain…proclivities. I don't think my uncle could ever do anything else than what he does and his immersion in this life for so long has pretty much guaranteed that. He doesn't look at the world the way other people do. You don't either. You're like…the bad seed."

"Jesus Christ, Jane!" Loki exclaimed.

She rubbed her forehead and sighed. "I'm not explaining it properly—"

"You think?" He was angry. "I'd like to remind you that you didn't have a problem last night when you were in my bed. You didn't have a problem when you were helping me piece my life together and all signs pointed to this 'lifestyle' as you put it. You liked me better when I had amnesia because I was fragile – a little lost puppy dog that needed you to save me. Now that I have my memories back and you see as I am, you don't like me so much anymore. This is who I am, Jane. I'm not fucking perfect. Yes, I am willing to have Crane killed because I am not willing to die for him and his mistakes—"

"Which are also yours!" she shouted.

"Then so be it! I don't care, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I don't care what happens to him, Jane. Can you accept that? Can you accept me?"

"I don't have an answer for you," she murmured.

"More than likely not one I want to hear anyway."

"I think we need a breather. I'm gonna go now…"

Loki stood there, tension coiled throughout every inch of his body while Jane packed up her things, put on her socks and shoes, and walked down the stairs. She left without another word and though Loki wanted to go after her, wanted to drag her back in his arms, he also knew that he couldn't.

Jane had to accept all of him if they were going to work.

xxxxxxxx

About an hour after leaving Loki, Jane ended up at the two-story house Peter and Gamora shared just outside of Boston. Peter, she knew, was at the gun shop, but Gamora often worked from home. What she did for work Jane wasn't clear on, but she hadn't had much interaction with Gamora over the years. Only the few times Jane had seen her at the gun shop visiting Peter while he was working. Other than that, Gamora was just the codename to get information to her uncle about how she was doing.

That was probably why when the dark-haired beauty saw Jane she looked surprised. Shocked even. Then worried. "Nothing is wrong," Jane said as soon as Gamora opened the door. "I promise."

Gamora placed a hand over her heart and breathed out a sigh of relief. "I don't often see you, Jane. So when I did…"

"I know, I'm sorry. I would have called if I had your number…I just actually wanted to talk to you if you don't mind?"

Gamora stepped aside and gestured for her to enter. "Come in, come in."

Jane was hit the scent of food cooking as she inhaled deeply. "Whatever you have cooking smells really good!"

"It's a meal Peter tossed in the crockpot before he left for work this morning. He knows I hate to cook," Gamora explained and led Jane into the sunlit kitchen.

Jane looked around. It was small, but quaint and her gaze lingered over the pictures that adorned the walls – some of Gamora and Peter, even a few of Uncle Erik and the guys. Jane's smile fell. All these people that got to be around her uncle when she didn't. It rather hurt. Her uncle had done everything he could to protect her, but at what price? To have a family she couldn't even acknowledge and claim?

"Would you like something to drink?" Gamora asked.

"Uh, coffee? Coffee would be great."

Gamora smiled. "Keurig coffee okay?"

"The best. Thanks."

"Have a seat."

Jane sat down at the small table for two in the kitchen and her gaze once again strayed to the pictures on the wall. How would her life been different had her uncle been around? Had she been able to be in his presence? Would she have become a Mafia Princess? Would she be dead?

"What can I do for you?" Gamora asked as she set about preparing the Keurig.

"Relationships. Well, your relationship with Peter," Jane said.

Gamora arched a brow and leaned back against the counter while the Keurig warmed up. "What do you mean exactly?"

"Did you know about Peter's…lifestyle before you got together?" Jane asked.

"And by lifestyle I assume you mean his business with your uncle."

"Yes."

"I didn't. He told me when we realized we were quite serious about each other."

Jane nodded. "And how did you take the news?"

"I was a little freaked out at first, I won't lie," Gamora said. She placed a blue mug under the Keurig and pushed the lever down.

"What happened?"

"I broke up with him for about a month," Gamora admitted with a grin. "I didn't think I could do it. Worrying about him and all that. Then I kept thinking about what would happen if we decided to get married and have kids – would we all be in danger? Was I putting my life on the line? The life of my future kids?"

"What made you decide to not only go back to him but to then marry him?"

Gamora grabbed the blue mug and placed it in front of Jane and then sat down. Jane brought the mug to her mouth, inhaled the bitter scent of coffee and then sipped it.

"Easy," Gamora said. "I loved him."

Jane sat back. "That's it. You loved him and that was it? You ceased to worry?"

Gamora shook her head. "Oh, no honey. I worry every day."

"Is it bearable?"

Gamora sighed. "Sometimes. But I stay because I love him and I can't imagine a life without him."

"What about knowing that sometimes he has to do things…"

"Things like kill people?" Gamora prompted.

Jane nodded.

Gamora sat back and frowned slightly, staring off. "I…I guess I am able to separate that Peter from my Peter."

"But how do you know that Peter won't seep into the life you have with him?"

Gamora studied Jane closely. "Jane, honey, why don't you tell me what's wrong. Peter told me about some guy…Loki? That he's in some kind of trouble?"

"I think he's the very definition of trouble," Jane muttered.

Gamora laughed. "Is he now? That also sounds like Peter."

"No, he's not…Peter is…Peter is such a goofball. I mean, I know he has to do some serious stuff for my uncle, but you would never guess that he has this whole other side and this whole other life that is not on the up and up. With Loki though…you know that he's up to no good just by looking at him."

"Is he seven kinds of crazy?"

"Possibly twenty kinds. And he's not shy about it. He's a schemer. He's manipulative and he's done terrible things to me and his brother – his entire family and—"

"And yet you want him."

Jane didn't reply, but then she didn't have to.

"Do you love him, Jane?"

"I think I'm headed that way, but I just – I mean – can I be with someone that I know has that side? What's to say he won't turn on me one day when he gets tired of me? Or what if he regrets giving up the business that he so carefully planned and plotted out because he realizes that I'm not worth giving all that up for? Can he really go against his nature? Can I ask him to?" Jane shook her head and buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore."

"It sounds like you want me to tell you it's okay to be with him."

Jane dropped her hands and looked at Gamora. "Yes. I want you to look into a crystal ball and tell me everything is going to be sunshine and lollipops. I've seen firsthand the sorts of things Loki is capable of and then today being so callous about someone's life…" She pursed her lips together. "I've been on the receiving end of his horribleness. When he decides he's done with me—"

"If, Jane. If."

"Can I just start from the beginning? Tell you everything?"

Gamora smiled. "Sure."

Jane started from when she'd first met Loki, and all that had happened – leaving a few mobster-related things out – and when she was finished, she looked to Gamora for help. For guidance. It wasn't as if she could talk to Darcy or Bruce about any of this.

"I tell you what I got from all of that," Gamora said when Jane was finished. "You're still hurting from what Thor did. Loki is…obsessive. Sounds like he's had a lot of rage, but it also sounds as though you have helped him temper some of it. And it still sounds like you want me to tell you what to do. Jane, life is about making choices and taking risks. It also has a lot of gray. Not everything is black and white. On paper Loki sounds like he could be a psychopath, but how does he treat you?"

"Like a Queen."

"Things might not always be perfect, but isn't it better to have—"

"If you're about to say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, I might take this knife on the table and stab myself with it."

Gamora laughed and then leaned forward in all seriousness. "I can't tell you whether or not you should give Loki a chance. I can't tell you to accept the fact that he has a dark side but he will change for the better and for forever for you. I can't make guarantees because—"

"Because there's no guarantees in life, right?"

Gamora sighed. "Yes."

Jane nodded and looked away. She knew she probably irritated the other woman, but she sort of didn't care. She wasn't in the mood for clichés. She just wanted clarity. "But Peter has a dark side, right?" she finally said as though they were in the middle of a conversation. "I mean, he has to right? Please don't say that everyone does."

"He does. Like you said, he has to, to be able to do what he does for your uncle."

"Some are just more prominent than others," Jane murmured. She stood. "I'm sorry I disturbed you and just showed up like this."

Gamora looked up at her. "Do you know what you're going to do?"

"Nope. Not at all. Maybe I just need some time to process."

"I think so."

"Thanks. Um, I'll see you later."

"Good luck."

Jane snorted. "Yeah, I'm gonna fucking need it."

Once outside, Jane stuffed her hands in her hoodie and heaved a deep sigh. She could hail a cab or she could walk. She decided to walk. The air would do her good; probably help clear her head. She was frustrated considering her visit with Gamora had yielded no answers whatsoever. All Jane had wanted was for someone to tell her what to do. Why couldn't Gamora have just done that? And then of course whipped out that crystal ball and told her that they would be very happy and Loki wouldn't backslide into some evil rage monster that wanted to destroy everyone around him? Was she stifling him though by asking him not to destroy everyone around him? She snorted and rolled her eyes at herself.

It was just this thing with Crane. How dismissive he'd been about sending him to his death. It was Loki that had snared Crane into his whole scheme to begin with. Crane most likely would have been caught embezzling money at some point all on his own and gone to jail. Maybe even gotten killed there, but it wouldn't have been Loki who had sent Crane to his death. And it wouldn't have been because Loki had just wanted someone to rope into his plans because they were "malleable".

It wasn't settling well with her and she just wanted it to because fucking goddammit she wanted Loki.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

Jane hadn’t seen or spoken to Loki in a week. He had called a couple times, but when she didn’t return his calls, he stopped. It wasn’t that Jane planned to avoid him forever; she just needed some time to sort a few things out. Not just with what he’d been willing to let happen to Crane, but all of it. Thor, her broken engagement, her feelings for Loki…all of it had happened so fast that she felt as though her head was spinning. 

As she was leaving work one afternoon and strolling down to her car, a man dressed in a suit stepped in her path. He was rather tall and beefy looking. He kind of smelled liked cheese. He smiled down at her, the white of his teeth practically glowing in the near evening sun. 

Jane’s hackles rose. “Excuse me,” she said and attempted to skirt around him. 

He blocked her path. 

Jane arched a brow. “Can I help you?”

“I certainly hope so.”

Jane took a step back. “Who are you?”

“Who I am is not important. All you need to know is that I know you and your boy.”

“My boy? I have a boy?”

He chuckled and the sound sent a chill down Jane’s spine. “Forgive me. I’m a bit old-fashioned.”

“Hmm, I’m sure you are.”

“Loki Odinson is your boy, Jane Foster.”

Jane folded her arms across her chest. Alarm streaked through her, but she refused to show any fear. “I suppose this is the part where I ask how you know my, uh, boy, as you put it – and me?”

“You’re a quick one.”

“You called me by my name,” she drawled. “It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out something is up. You won’t let me pass, you’re overly friendly in that deadly kind of way, and you know me and Loki. Who are you and what do you want?”

It was then that The Big Cheese was joined by two other meatheads. Jane stood straighter and prepared to go on the defense if she had to. 

“Your boy has gotten himself into some trouble with my boss,” The Big Cheese said. 

“And who is your boss?” Jane asked. 

“Lex Luthor.”

Jane showed nothing even though inside she was screaming. “And what is it you plan to do to me exactly?”

“Nothing,” The Big Cheese said. “Because you’re going to deliver the message to your boy that if he doesn’t clean up his messes and contain his partner, not only will Crane be taken care of but so will you.”

Jane pursed her lips together. 

“This is the part where you ask why you,” The Big Cheese said with a sardonic twist to his lips. “We’ve had our eye on Odinson for a while now. Ever since his little casino night. We were willing to look the other way so long as he stayed out of our territory, but he didn’t.”

“You’re wrong,” Jane said. “He did. Crane was the one that didn’t. They are two separate entities and Loki doesn’t keep Crane on a leash. Surely your boss can see that Loki has nothing to do with Crane’s actions.”

“They’re partners. Crane is out of control and he owes us money. It would be in your boy’s best interest to put Crane on a leash. He owes Luthor money. Not only that, but he’s insulted my boss by attempting to buy and sell his drugs in our territory. He’s not on our payroll and soon he won’t be on anyone’s if Odinson doesn’t put a stop to it.”

“And so you’ve come to me?”

The Big Cheese smiled. “Yes. From what we’ve seen, especially at Pigalli, you mean a lot to Odinson.”

Jane’s eyes went wide and The Big Cheese smiled. “That one was purely coincidental. But interesting and informative nonetheless. You’re no doubt his weakness, Miss Foster. And you’re bright – an astrophysicist! You’ll get the message to Odinson, won’t you?”

She nodded. 

“Good. I’d hate to have to lop off that lovely head of yours.” And then he bowed – fucking bowed – and he and the other two thugs walked away. 

Jane swallowed and winced, placing her fingers against her throat. She didn’t want to lose her head. She rather liked her head. Her body would be rendered quite useless without it. She wondered fleetingly if her body would run around like a chicken with its head cut off if her head was cut off.

Okay, clearly she was no longer thinking clearly due to some fear for the loss of her head…

“So much for a pizza and a quiet night in,” Jane muttered and headed off to Loki’s.

xxxxxxx

Jane sorted it all out on the way over to Loki’s apartment. She was just going to get right down to business and not bother with any niceties. There really wasn’t any way to break it to someone that you’d been threatened, and that they were probably right about a few things. 

Plus, with getting right down to business she wouldn’t have to deal with any awkwardness. Jane hated awkward moments, and not seeing or speaking to Loki for a week after how they’d left things surely warranted some awkwardness. Probably some hurt and anger on his end as well. 

She knew taking some time to think and ponder the abrupt turn her life had taken was best, but she hadn’t wanted to hurt Loki in any way. She probably could have taken some more time, but now that The Big Cheese had threatened her and to an extent, Loki, she had no choice. 

Jane rapped on his door quickly and when he opened it and breathed her name she blurted out, “I just got threatened by one of Luthor’s men.”

He was wearing black dress pants and a shirt that looked a little bit blue and a little bit purple. The shirt had the first few buttons undone and his cuffs loosened. He was also bare foot. Jane didn’t know why the bare feet did things to her, but it did. He also looked tired. 

“Did you just say that one of Luthor’s men threatened you?” he asked. 

“Yes.”

He grabbed her arm and pulled her inside. “When? Where?” he demanded. 

“About a half hour ago while I was leaving the lab.”

“He was on the MIT campus?”

“Yes.”

He slid his hand down her arm with one hand and cupped her face with the other. “Did he touch you?”

“No, he just…” she waved her hand about, “got in my way a lot. He was big and beefy, bald, wearing a suit, and he was accompanied by two other men. He didn’t give me a name.”

“What did—”

“And he smelled like cheese.”

Loki’s mouth quirked into a grin and he shook his head. “That is definitely important to note.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just chock full of the observations. He um, he wanted me to tell you that if you didn’t get Crane under control and pay off his debts then he’d, and I quote, lop off my head.”

Loki pursed his lips together and the rage that passed over his face almost made Jane want to flee. An angry Loki was a scary Loki – and that was saying a lot considering she’d just been threatened with decapitation. 

He turned away from her and let out a shout of fury that startled Jane. She didn’t know what to do, so she just stood there and waited. For what she didn’t know.

“He didn’t touch you?” Loki asked, turning back to her. He took her hands and pulled her further into his apartment, to the living room. 

She shook her head and he pushed her to the couch to sit. 

He kissed her forehead. “I’m going to kill him,” he whispered. 

“Who?” 

“All of them. All three of them that approached you today, and then Crane.”

He moved to straighten and Jane gripped the front of his shirt with both hands. “No, wait—”

“Don’t you dare even attempt to stop me,” he growled. 

“I’m not, no,” she said quickly. “Well, I mean, I am, but not for the reason you think.”

He looked at her in question. 

“You can’t just go out there half-cocked. You’ll get yourself killed.”

“Worried about me?” he asked. 

“Of course I am! What kind of question is that?”

He looked down at her hands still gripping him. “You walked out of here…I haven’t heard from you for a week.”

“I was taking some time to sort things out,” she said and let go of his shirt. “I wasn’t gone for good. Did you think I was gone for good?”

“Yes,” he whispered hoarsely. 

She shook her head and looked up at him. “No, I—“

He kissed her then, hard and possessive, and pushed her back against the couch as he leaned over her, one knee beside her thigh on the couch. He kissed her as though she would disappear at any moment, and she matched his fervor until she needed to come up for air. 

“I was planning to rally, you know,” he told her, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I hadn’t quite figured out how yet, but I had thought of kidnapping you.”

She laughed and when he didn’t laugh as well, she stopped laughing. Her eyes widened. “You’re serious?”

“Yes.”

“Loki—”

“If it helps, I was inebriated when I thought of it.”

“Only you, Loki.”

“I know we have some things to sort out between us, but first we need to speak to your uncle about what happened. I want you to tell me everything about what that bastard said to you, from the beginning.”

When Jane was finished telling Loki everything that was said, she found herself starting to shake. “What’s wrong with me?” she asked as Loki drew her onto his lap and held on tight. 

“Now that the adrenaline has worn off, you’re going into a bit of shock,” he told her. “Your life was threatened today, Jane. It’s normal.”

“My head, Loki,” she said and put her fingers on her neck again. She sat up and looked at him. “I was threatened with decapitation. I’m kind of attached to my head. It connect me to, you know, my body.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“I’m never going to say ‘don’t lose your head’ ever again.”

“Jane—”

“Would they kill me first before they…or would they just go right for my head? I can’t imagine how much that would hurt—”

“Jane, stop it,” he said loudly, almost angrily. “Stop talking about getting killed because that’s not going to happen.”

She heaved in a shuddering breath and nodded. 

He lifted her effortlessly and placed her beside him on the couch. “I’m calling Erik. He needs to know what happened today.”

Loki went for his phone, but Jane stopped him by grabbing his shirt. “Wait, Loki. Have you seen Crane at all? Talked to him?”

Loki frowned. “No. He’s MIA. I went to his apartment, his work. I’ve called…I haven’t been able to find him.”

“Shit,” Jane muttered. 

“Exactly.” He knelt down before her and took her hands in his. “Jane, darling, I will protect you with my life, okay? I won’t let any harm come to you, do you understand me?”

“And you? Who will be protecting you?”

“The same person who always protect me. Me.”

“No, I will protect you. We’ll protect each other.”

He shook his head. “No. You come first.”

“How about we both come first?”

Loki stood and went for his phone. “We’ll talk about this later,” he said. 

Jane ran her hand over her face. “Face…head…I will never take you for granted again. Hair, I promise to never complain about you ever again.”

She sat back, half listening to Loki talk to her uncle. In what direction had her life just veered off into now?


	31. Chapter 31

Erik was none too pleased when he arrived. After she told him – in detail – what happened, he hugged her tight and informed her she would have two guards following her to work and staying with her until she went home.

“They can’t come into the lab with me, uncle Erik,” she told him in exasperation.

“They won’t be,” he assured her. “But they will be close by.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

Erik had then looked at her sternly. “This isn’t what I wanted for you.”

“I know,” she said softly.

“I want you out.”

“It’s a bit too late for that isn’t it?”

Erik just pursed his lips together and said nothing. Jane could practically see the wheels turning in his head though. She wondered if she’d be receiving an offer for a job far from Massachusetts that she just wouldn’t be able to turn down. Her uncle had connections and she wouldn’t put it past him to find a way to get her as far from Loki and the mafia as possible.

Erik headed for the door. The plan was for Loki, Erik, Drax, Peter, Rocket and a few other men to search far and wide and high and low for Crane. 

Loki came up to her, looking worried. “I want you to stay here tonight, all right?”

Jane nodded. She wasn’t sure Loki’s place was really any safer, but if those men that had approached her that day knew where she worked, they probably knew where she lived, too. The thought made her feel violated and unsafe. Staying with her uncle Erik was out of the question, too. If anyone saw her there at all, she would be in much more trouble.

“Your uncle is going to have a guard outside,” Loki told her. “You’ll be safe. I’ll call and check on you, all right?”

“Loki, I’m fine,” she protested. She gripped his shirt. “I want you to be careful, all right? Don’t worry about me and take care of yourself.”

“I will be fine,” he told her as he pulled her hands gently from his shirt and kissed her palms. “There’s a gun, a different one, in my nightstand.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

“I love you,” he whispered and pressed a kiss to her forehead before leaving with her uncle and all his men.

Jane thought of going after them, of telling them that she wanted to go with them, but she knew the argument that would ensue with both Loki and her uncle, and she just wasn’t up for it. She did not have it in her to fight the both of them.

Instead, she made herself some pasta and then made use of Loki’s bathroom and took a long hot bath. As she soaked she thought about the twists and turns her life had taken ever since she’d picked Loki up at the hospital after his accident.

Everything had been so neat and orderly. Loki was an asshole, Thor was her fiancé, and her uncle was on the outskirts of her life as he’d always been. Now Thor was the asshole, she’d seen her uncle more than she ever had in a single year in just a few weeks and Loki was…Loki was…

Jane sighed, a trembling sort of sigh of realization: Loki was the guy she was falling in love with. No. Loki was the guy she’d _been_ falling in love with since he’d been that fragile little puppy with no memories. He made her feel alive in a way Thor never had. He knew her past – knew about her father, her mother, her uncle. It bonded him to her, knowing about that part of her life Thor hadn’t. Not that she could really hold that against Thor. However, there were things she hadn’t known about Thor either. Affair aside, she hadn’t known just how far he was willing to go to please his father. Their whole relationship felt like a lie now. And it had been.

She stirred in the tub and gnawed on a fingernail. And now Loki was out there searching for Crane and who knew if Luthor’s men were tracking every move he made. The thought nagged at her, the idea that they could just be lying in wait for him. She glanced at her phone on the little stool beside the tub. No. She was not going to call him. He needed to focus.

She laid her head back and closed her eyes, thinking about this past week away from him. How she’d missed him. How nothing was really sorted out between them after last week, but that she also, God, she just really wanted him. Maybe Gamora had been right, maybe all she needed to know was how she felt about Loki.

No. That wasn’t her. She liked facts, reason, and logic. She liked things to make sense. Feelings don’t always make sense, the voice in her head said. Great, now she was starting to sound like a pop psychologist in her own head.

Okay, so, fact: she was falling in love with Loki.  
Fact: he was handing over the business to her uncle.  
Fact: he was an amalgam of the three different Loki’s she knew – pre-accident, post accident without memories, and post accident with memories.  
Fact: he loved her.  
Fact: his moral compass pointed South most of the time.  
Fact: she seemed to temper him.

And that’s where she got tripped up. Because for how long could she do that and could she really ask him to change for her like that?

 _Fuck it_ , she thought as she unplugged the tub and climbed out. _I got on this ride the second I started helping him piece his life together after the accident and I’m not going to abandon him now._ She toweled herself off and then grabbed Loki’s robe that smelled of him and it made her heart ache. She wished he were here with her, where she knew he was safe and with her. _His life might be a mess at the moment, but so is mine_ , she thought as she padded into his bedroom and went to his bureau to grab one of his t-shirts. _But I’m falling in love with the little fucker and I don’t want to lose him. Especially now with things so dangerous. If something happened to him and I never took a chance because I was too afraid or too uncertain I would regret it for the rest of my life._

After slipping on his t-shirt, she went back into the bathroom and grabbed her phone. She then poured herself a glass of wine, perused Loki’s bookcase for a book, and then went up to his bedroom and burrowed under the covers to read and wait for Loki to come home.

xxxxxxxx

Jane started awake when she felt a pair of arms surround her. She was disoriented and her mind was racing to suss out where she was and who was touching her. Her mind raced with disjointed thoughts - The Big Cheese – decapitation –and she began to struggle against the arms that held her. She didn’t even take in her surroundings to process where she was; all she was aware of was that she had to get away.

“Jane, it’s me!”

Loki.

She stopped struggling and turned in his arms, taking his face in her hands. “Are you okay? Have you been hurt?”

“I’m fine, love.”

He looked tired though, just utterly worn out. Jane burrowed into him. He smelled like the night air and Loki. _Her_ Loki. “What happened?” she asked. “Did you find Crane? Did any of Luthor’s men come after you?”

“Crane is…he’s in the hospital.”

Jane looked up at him with wide eyes. “Oh?”

“Which was of course the last place we looked, “ Loki muttered. His sighed wearily. “He took something that didn’t agree with him – LSD or something – he had a psychotic episode and he’s now in the mental ward being treated. They said it’s like he’s on one extensive bad trip. They don’t know if he’ll recover. He’s been there for the past three days.”

“Oh my God,” Jane breathed, eyes wide. “Well, he’s…out of the way?”

“Looks that way,” Loki muttered.

“So now what?”

“Well, now your uncle and I are going to set up a meeting with Luthor.”

Jane didn’t like the sound of that. “Can’t you just send him a check or something?”

He smiled. “If only it was that easy.”

“Can’t it be?”

“You know the answer to that.”

“Do you even know the amount you owe him?” Jane asked.

“No.”

“You’d have thought they’d give you a number,” she said exasperatedly. “Or, ya know, me. I’d like to know how much my head is worth.”

“What did I say about talking about that?” he asked with eyes narrowed at her.

“Yeah, cause that’s what I do. I take orders from you.”

He laughed softly and rolled his eyes. “If only, if only…but, you know how it is, Jane. It’s all a game. It’s about maneuvers, counter maneuvers, what you can make people do, what you can get away with and who you can control.” He smiled tenderly at her. “Worried about me tonight?”

“How can you even ask me that? Of _course_ I was.”

“I’m going to kiss you now, okay?”

“When have you asked for permission?” she teased.

“Good point,” he said, just before he captured her lips with his and kissed her deeply. When he broke the kiss, she was clutching at him. “This would be a good place to stop before I can’t,” he said, panting.

“I don’t want you to,” she said softly and looked him in the eye.

His eyes widened and he just stared at her. His mouth opened, moved, and no sound came out. It wasn’t often one could make Loki Odinson speechless. Needless to say, Jane was quite proud of herself for that. She leaned up and kissed him softly and then climbed off the bed. Loki sat up and reached for her. “Where are you going?!” he demanded, sounding desperate and worried, as if she was going to take it all back now.

She held out her hand to him. “Come on, you’ve had a rough night, my love. Let’s have a shower. Let me take care of you.”

He clamped his mouth shut, but he didn’t need to say anything. The look of adoration, of love, and of utter reverence on his face said it all. He loved her. Jane felt her heart swell in her chest and tears stung her eyes.

“Jane?” he asked softly. “If you’re not sure—”

“No, I am, it’s just I…I was worried about you tonight. I mean, I was worried about uncle Erik too, but he does this sort of thing all the time I imagine. I just – I don’t want to lose you, Loki.”

Loki grabbed her and pulled her against him, and then took her face in his hands and made her look at him. “You will never lose me, Jane. Never. I will always return to you. I told you once that at times I had a death wish.”

She nodded, remembering that, remembering how shocked she’d been to hear it.

“I don’t have that anymore,” he told her. “You’re all I care about; you’re all I want. I have you to come home to and because of that I will always return home. Do you hear me, Jane?”

She nodded. “Yes, I do,” she said and kissed him again. Was it possible to leap from I’m-falling-in-love to I-completely-love-you in the span of ten minutes? Because that was exactly how she felt. Perhaps, though, it was best to wait to tell him when she wasn’t overwhelmed with emotion and need.

“Let’s go,” she whispered, and pulled him into his bathroom. She was intent on taking care of him in a way she was sure no one else had before.


	32. Chapter 32

Loki couldn’t take his eyes off Jane as she led him into his bathroom and started to undress him. She started with his shirt, pulling out the tucked part from his pants and then unbuttoning it. She didn’t hurry through the task, but rather took her time, a soft winsome smile on her beautiful face. Then she pushed it off his shoulders, her palms flat and warm on his cool skin. He shivered and she placed a kiss in the center of his chest before undoing his pants.

She met his gaze straight on as she set about pushing his pants down. His breath caught when he felt her hand graze his shaft through his boxer briefs. He stepped out of his pants and kicked them away and Jane kept her gaze trained on him as she placed her hands on his chest and then slowly slid them down as she knelt before him. Her hands rested on his hips and Loki felt dizzy.

Jane slowly slid his black boxer briefs down over his hips and straining erection. She was extra careful to the point of driving him utterly mad, but then they were gone. She looked him over from head to toe and the appreciation and lust in her eyes made him even harder.

He was near the point of begging her to take him in her mouth when she stood. A sound escaped him that sounded awfully close to a whimper. She smiled impishly and took his hand again, leading him to the shower. “Come with me, you gorgeous man,” she said. She opened the door to it and turned it on and then turned to him and took off the shirt she’d been wearing.

Loki felt as though he was losing his mind. “Jane – God – you’re – oh, fuck you’re beautiful.”

She smiled and then stepped into the shower and pulled him with her. He banged into the door of the shower because he wasn’t watching where he was going so intent was he on drinking in every inch of her perfect body.

Jane giggled. “Watch where you’re going.”

“You can’t expect me to do that when you’re completely nude in front of me,” he told her as he shut the door behind him. 

She laughed and pulled him under the spray with her. The water cascaded down over both of them and Loki lifted her slightly against him and kissed her, his tongue joining with hers as they kissed deeply. His hands moved over her restlessly. He’d waited for this moment for so long and as much as he wanted to savor it, he just desperately wanted her.

He moved them out from under the spray and slid his hands over her ass. He pulled her against him, letting her feel how much he wanted and needed her. She moaned and as her hands moved into his hair and she arched back away from him. Loki bent to capture her lips again. “Jane, don’t, please—”

“I want to take care of you,” she said.

“Then let me—”

She put her hand over his mouth. “No, wait.”

He straightened and then so did she. She reached over to the ledge that held his shampoo and soap and grabbed the shampoo. She squirted some in her hand and then began to lather it in his hair. She smiled as she worked, clearly enjoying herself.

“No one has ever washed me before,” he told her.

“I figured.”

“Has anyone ever—no, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”

She pushed him under the spray and the suds dribbled down his body in rivulets. He ducked out from under the spray once his hair was fully rinsed and then grabbed the shampoo bottle and squirted some in his hand. “Your turn.”

She nodded and stepped closer to him to allow him to wash her hair. He kissed her softly before pushing her gently under the spray to rinse. When her hair was done, she grabbed the soap and worked up a lather with her hands and then began to run the soap and her hand over his body, starting at the neck.

Loki was having a difficult time keeping himself in check. He wanted to grab her, push her against the wall, and take her right there. She knelt down before him and Loki thought he was going to fucking lose it right then and there. He watched her with rapt attention as she washed his legs and then, finally, his cock. Oh God, Jane’s hands were on his cock. And then his balls. Oh, Jesus…

Loki reached out a hand to the wall of the shower to keep himself upright. “Jane,” he gasped.

“Rinse,” she commanded. But her voice wobbled a bit. He rinsed. She didn’t get up. He went to reach for her, but then she took his cock in her mouth and suckled on the head.

“Fuck!” he shouted.

She hummed and he felt it straight through his cock. He slammed his hand against the wall of the shower and she briefly stopped, her mouth still full of his cock and arched a brow at him. She moved her head back and swirled her tongue around the head and that was it, Loki was done.

“Jane, move,” he managed to gasp.

She didn’t. She swallowed every drop of his cum. Then she stood and he kissed her hard, pushing her against the wall of the shower. “You are my dream woman,” he murmured.

She laughed softly and then moaned when his mouth clamped over one breast and he suckled her nipple into his mouth. Her hands went to his hair and dug in. “Loki…” she breathed.

He pressed hot wet kisses across her chest to the other breast and then treated that one to the same treatment. She whimpered. Loki trailed kisses down her body as he sank to his knees before her. He lifted one slender leg over his shoulder…and feasted.

She tasted sweet and like everything Jane. He licked, nibbled, and sucked on her sweet pussy and, judging by the moans and gasps and other sweet sounds she emitted, she loved every minute of it. He flicked his tongue against her nub and slid two fingers in her pussy, curling them just so…

She cried out, her legs shook, her pussy clamped down and she was left panting. Loki licked at her cream, savoring the taste of this woman. His woman. He was hard again and wanted inside her now.

He stood kissed her hard again, pushing her against the wall and rubbing against her so she could feel how much he wanted her. “I want inside you,” he muttered.

“Yes,” she whispered. She still looked dazed from her orgasm as she clutched at his shoulders.

It was Loki’s turn to take the lead. He shut off the shower and pulled her out of it. He grabbed two towels off the counter and handed her one. Loki didn’t think he’d ever dried off so fast. He didn’t even think she was done drying off before he lifted her in his arms and carried her down to his bedroom. He placed her on his bed and climbed over her as she reached for him, her wet hair splayed out on his sheets.

“Do I need anything?” he murmured.

“No, I’m on the pill,” she said breathlessly. “Get inside me now, please.”

He grinned as he felt her encase his hips with her thighs. He sat up and pushed her legs back, took his cock in his hand and pressed it to her entrance. He’d wanted this – her – for so long, he didn’t want to miss a moment of it. He then used his hand to rub her clit and she moaned. “Loki, please…”

He pushed forward slowly, wanting to savor every bit of her pussy taking him. She was so tight and wet and fucking amazing. When he was seated fully inside her, he held himself there and they shared a moan. He looked down at her, wanting to file away exactly how she looked in that moment, how she felt around him, how she watched him with those amber eyes full of lust and – dare he hope it – love. He’d loved and wanted this woman for so long that he could hardly believe this was happening. Jane was his now, his forever for he was never going to let her go. He leaned down and kissed her ravenously.

“Loki,” she gasped against his mouth. “You feel so good…so big… Christ, why did you make me wait so long for this?”

He laughed – only Jane could make him laugh at a moment like this when his heart felt so full to bursting. “I love you,” he said. “I love you so much.”

Loki pressed his forehead to hers as he began to move inside her. “My beautiful vixen…my heart, my soul…”

 

Her hands went up to his head and dug into his hair. She gripped him, but didn’t pull, and kissed him voraciously. Loki shifted, changing the angle of his thrusts and gasped, her neck arching as she dug her head into the bed. “Right there,” she muttered. “Oh, yes, right there!”

He moved faster, knowing she was close and wanting her to get there before he did. Despite the fact that he’d already come, he was still already so close. He gripped one breast in his hand and flicked her nipple with his thumb.

“Loki – I’m – “ she screamed as she came, her walls clamping down around his cock.

Watching her orgasm, seeing the ecstasy on her face and feeling her walls pulse around him, caused Loki to come too. He held himself still inside her and shouted her name as he came.

He collapsed against her and she wound her legs around him and kissed his temple. He made to move so he wouldn’t crush her, but she held on. “Don’t go yet,” she whispered. “I like you here.”

He moved his head to kiss her softly. “I like it here, too,” he whispered. “Would that I could live inside you.”

She smiled. “That was…”

“Earth-shatteringly amazing?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

He rolled them so that she was on top, straddling him. He took her face in his hands and kissed her soundly. “I hope you know,” he said as he nipped at her lips. “That we are not done tonight…”

She broke into a slow smile. “No?”

He shook his head. “I don’t want to stop,” he whispered. “You’re mine now, Jane, you know that, right?”

“That means you’re mine, too,” she told him.

He laughed as he slid his hand down over her backside. “Oh, my Jane. I’ve always been yours, darling.”


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-three 

“I have a sore throat,” Jane said and then bit her lip hard when Loki flicked his tongue on her clit. 

“You do sound rather hoarse,” Dr. Banner said. “Rest up over the weekend. See you next week.”

“Will do, thanks Bruce,” Jane said and hung up. She cried out and practically threw her phone across Loki’s bedroom as she came. 

She was not even down from her orgasmic bliss before he was over her and inside her. She gasped as she clutched at his sides. “Loki.”

“You do sound rather hoarse, love,” he said as he thrust methodically inside her. He smirked. “I think you need to spend the day in bed.”

“That’s the plan, right?” she asked breathlessly. 

“Yes.”

Jane kept her eyes on him; she loved watching how intense he got when he made love to her even though inevitably she had to look away because she felt as though she was being pulled into an undertow. 

He leaned over her and kissed her and Jane wrapped her legs around his waist as he began to pound inside her. “Oh God,” she panted. “Loki…”

And then he pulled out of her and she cried out. “What are you doing?!”

He grinned as he detangled himself from her and then kissed her again. “On your knees.”

Jane beamed at him and eagerly rolled over and got up on her knees. She had never been a prude when it came to sex, but she had never been particularly adventurous either. He who shall not be named had probably saved any and all kink for his little tramp. Doggy was something Jane had only done a couple times in the past and normally something like this would have made her a little nervous, but not with Loki. 

“My sexy vixen willing to try anything,” Loki purred as he ran a hand down her back. “Love, why don’t you put your hands on the headboard?”

Jane swallowed hard, excitement thrumming through her entire body. She lifted up on her knees and grabbed the headboard, curling her hands around the wood. When she felt Loki’s cock at her core she shivered with excitement. 

“I want you to ease back on me, Jane,” he whispered. 

Jane bit her lip and moved back, taking him inside her. She moaned. “Loki…”

“Fuck me, sweetheart,” he whispered. 

Her movements felt off, a bit jerky at first and then she caught the right rhythm and started to move back and forth on him, again and again. 

“That’s my girl,” Loki muttered, his breathing getting heavier and faster. He started to meet her thrusts and Jane gripped the headboard tightly, tightening the muscles in her arms to keep herself steady. Having sex with Loki probably meant she didn’t have to worry about doing cardio for a while…

He wrapped his arm around her stomach and pulled her up against him. He used short hard thrusts and placed his talented fingers on her clit. Jane gasped and turned her head so she could kiss him. Loki happily obliged her. She broke the kiss and she let her head fall back onto his shoulder, her mouth opened in a silent “O” as she came. 

Loki followed closely behind, roaring his release as he held himself inside her. Keeping himself inside her, he brought her face to his and kissed her deeply. He smiled against her mouth and nuzzled the side of her face. “Good morning, darling.”

“Mmm…morning,” she murmured. “We might need a snack tray for sustenance at this rate. How many times now?”

“Fourth? Fifth? I don’t know anymore.” He bit her shoulder gently. “Should we have some breakfast?”

She nodded and they split apart with a moan. They both climbed off the bed and while Loki pulled on his lounge pants, Jane put on his t-shirt. With a smile he held out his hand to her, she took it eagerly and they made their way down the stairs. 

Over breakfast of eggs, French toast and sausage (to which Jane had joked she’d had a lot of sausage lately, causing Loki to roll his eyes), Loki watched her closely. She was somewhere else, thinking about something hard. 

“Where are you?” he asked. She looked at him a little guiltily and something inside him clenched. Had she been thinking of Thor? Please do not let that be it, he thought. 

“I was thinking of Frederick Page.”

“Who the bloody hell is Frederick Page?” he demanded. 

She arched a brow and pointed up. “The fake passport you have?”

He sighed and sat back. “Oh.” Then his brow furrowed. “Why are you thinking of that? Is this some role play you want to try?”

“No, I—” she frowned thoughtfully. “Well, maybe now that you mention it, but no.” She cleared her throat and shook her head. “No, I was thinking about this mess with Luthor.”

Loki sighed. “Jane…”

“I know, I know, you don’t want to think about that right now but we have to. My head is on the chopping block. Literally.”

“No, it’s not. They won’t get near you, Jane.”

“Then they’ll just have one less step to get to you, and I am not going to listen to you tell me that you’ll do anything to keep me safe and out of this. I’m part of it. I’m in it. Now we work together to get us both out of it. Partners, remember?” He sighed again and Jane looked at him challengingly. “And don’t you dare do that thing where we talk about this and come up with a plan where you’re really just you humoring me the whole time, while planning to go off and do whatever you want.”

“Jane, I don’t plan to involve Erik any further.”

She looked at him in surprise. “What?”

“I don’t plan for Erik to be involved any longer. At first I thought it would be in my best interests to do so, but I don’t want to do that.”

“Do you not trust him?”

He shook his head. “No, I do. It’s just that while I know he deals with this sort of thing every day, if something went wrong and he was caught in the crossfire I would never forgive myself for taking away your uncle.”

Jane entire being softened. “Loki…”

“I owe him a debt for this much he’s done. If something happened to him and it was because of the mess I created I fear the day would come that you would resent me for it. I can’t take away what little family you have left, Jane. So this problem? It’s my problem to take care of.”

“Not just yours. It’s mine, too.”

“It’s really not.”

“Loki—”

He held up a hand. “Jane, I know you want to help. I know you want us to be like Bonnie and Clyde and take care of this together, but Jane, this is my mess. I’m the one that decided to do start this endeavor and put my life on the line. I didn’t care at the time what I was doing. I had set the course to go against my family and figured—”

“Go big or go home?”

The corner of his mouth turned up and he smiled crookedly. “Yes.”

“You couldn’t have gotten your rebellious years out of the way when you were a teenager like most people do, huh?”

“Don’t forget all the things I’d done to turn my father and brother against me. How I didn’t have any hope of you…”

“You self-destructed.”

He nodded. “Yes. The accident and subsequent amnesia was not only a second chance, but a wake-up call. I survived it with only the loss of my memories, but the next time I had a brush with death, I might actually die.”

Jane winced. She didn’t want to think about that. 

“I need to clean this up, Jane. I need to make this right for myself.”

“Luthor is pissed, Loki. Crane stepped out of bounds and pissed him off and now he’s gunning for you. He has eyes everywhere, he probably already knows that my uncle is involved so my uncle is probably already on his shit list—”

“That’s why I need to take care of it from here on out.”

“How?”

“I don’t know yet exactly. All I know so far is that I need to get your uncle out of it and I need to get to Luthor. Right now, with you being watched by Luthor’s men? Luthor knows who you are. He knows that you mean something to Erik. He’ll use you, Jane. He’ll use you to get to me and to get to Erik.”

It was something Jane had thought about the night before, but hadn’t wanted to dwell on too much. As Erik had said, she was in this now. And it wasn’t what he’d wanted for her. 

“I mean, it could be just so simple, right? You pay him the money and that’s it?”

He looked doubtful, but he said, “Well, it could be. I just have to meet with him and find out.”

“Uncle Erik was going to make the call to Luthor. You’re going to have to make that call before he does.”

Loki heaved a deep sigh and looked away from her. The look on his face gave her a bad feeling, a very very bad feeling. “What did you do?” she asked. 

“I wasn’t going to tell you until tomorrow—”

Now she was downright terrified. “Loki—”

“I called him this morning while you were sleeping. I see him tomorrow night.”

Jane gripped the edge of the table. “WHAT?!”

“I called him—”

“What did you say?! What did he say?!”

“He was expecting me. He knew that your uncle was involved and while he hadn’t figured out about you yet, I am hoping that I can fix all this before he does.”

“You weren’t going to tell me until tomorrow?” she demanded as tears stung her eyes. “Loki, how…how could you not tell me right away what you were planning?”

“Because I knew you’d try to stop me. I knew you’d want to involve yourself. I didn’t want you to spend all of today worried. I just wanted to be with you, Jane, and have one day where we didn’t worry about what was going on around us. I wanted today to just be about us.”

She got up from the table, needing to walk away, to take a breather and think. Her mind was racing. “So you were what, tell me tomorrow when you were walking out the door to see Luthor?”

“Yes.”

Jane wiped at the tears that fell from her eyes. “Because you knew I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it in that instant.” Now she shook not with fear, but with anger. She pointed at him. “You’re wrong. You’re wrong if you thought I would have just let you go without doing anything. I would have grabbed your gun and gone with you, or followed you close by if I had to, or called Drax help me – I would have done something. I would have found a way. I wouldn’t have let you go alone. You’re lucky I love you or I would leave right now and tell you to fuck yourself for—”

“Did you just say you love me?” Loki asked, talking over her to be heard. 

She blinked. “What?”

He got up from the table slowly. “Did you say you love me?”

She pursed her lips together and nodded. “Yes.”

“Did you mean it?” he whispered. 

“Yes.”

“Can you say it without all the other stuff?” He moved closer to her, slowly, as though he feared this was some alternate reality that would disappear if he moved too fast. When he was standing before her, eyes wide with hope and wonder, Jane looked up at him and said, “I love you, Loki.”

She had barely finished saying his name and he was kissing her passionately, then lifting her onto the counter behind her and starting to push the shirt she was wearing up. Jane grabbed his wrists to stop him. 

“Jane?” he asked, looking confused amid the lustful daze he was in. 

“Not right now,” she said. “Not until we talk about this. You just went on at length about making things right, protecting my uncle, protecting me, and not having any sort of plan while all the while you knew that tomorrow night you would be talking to Luthor alone. Do you truly have no plan or do you have one that you’re keeping from me?”


End file.
